uh..everytime i ask girls out, they always ask

Post Reply New Topic

"who else is coming". it seems like they think im planning a group meet-up or something instead of a date. maybe the way i ask is wrong?

How do you ask them? What do you say?

i said "wanna have lunch this sunday (or saturday/monday/etc)?"

girls knows it when you flirt them, always! Either they ease your move or they make it difficult (how do you recover from "who else is coming" when you ask for a date ?). If it seems like it's difficult to make her "get" that you are flirting, it's because she is answering you already

I would go along with the lines of "Would you like to have lunch with me on <insert date here>"
Should she ask with who else, just reply with a standard, "Just us" If she is not sure or queries it, you can respond with a "I'm interested in getting to know you better away from <something>"

Then again you can adapt it to what you need. Works for me, but I get as far as getting numbers and I just don't feel I want to carry on with it

Try "Would you like to go out with me sometime?" and leave the next bit to them. If they are interested they will say so. Maybe they will start with coffee, tea or lunch because a lot of women prefer that when they are dating someone new. But 'go out' and 'with me' tell them it isn't a group date. So at least they can't say that.

Also, if they ask where or what, then it's perfectly okay for you to suggest places to go. So don't be thrown off if they don't come up with the place themselves. But maybe suggest two or three ideas, such as, "Well I know a great place for lunch...or, do you like amusement parks...how about a picnic in the park" or whatever your own ideas are. Hope that helps.

My guess is they are not sure that you are asking them on a date and they are checking to see if its a date you are asking them on or a group outing. If you've never shown a woman that you are interested then suddenly spring her with a question like that then they don't know that you are interested.

You have to be fairly direct if you're just coming up to some girl you know asking for a date. Don't ask her on a date if you don't think she is attracted to you. You might even want to refer to going out with her as a date. That makes it clear what is going on and that it's not some kind of friendly gathering that you're going to where you're going to build rapport with her and just become friends.

"Who else is coming?" == "Please bring someone else."

Dude, while they might appreciate the free lunch, they're also hoping that someone else will be there for them to talk to.

So when they ask who else will be there, tell them "Ben Franklin ... wanna see his picture?" and then whip out a 100-dollar bill.

Good luck!

LOL.

good one.


No.

But seriously folks.

If you want a one on one date with the girl, that's not going to happen til you two actually start dating.

group dates are not all that bad, because A) it's a good way to meet her, and her friends B) she can have a better idea of you from not just herself, but from her friend(s) and C) at the end of the date it won't be awkward "this was fun..." it'll be more along the lines of "this was fun...lets do this again sometime, maybe you and I go see a movie together?"

Yes. It works. I would know.

I'll translate this for you:

Girlspeak: lunch=platonic, dinner=date (this is in general terms, not an absolute rule).

So, if you're asking them to go to lunch, they're assuming it's more likely to be a platonic get together than a date.

If you're asking them to go to dinner, they'll assume it's more likely to be a date than a platonic get together.

Alternatively, depending on how long you've know them and how well they know you, it's also possible that they realise you're asking them on a date, and they like your company and want to be friends, but their response 'who else is coming' is a way of making it clear to you that they want it to be a platonic thing. They're putting you firmly in the 'friendship zone' and letting you know that while they might like you in a platonic way, they're not interested in you romantically.

The "Let's Just Be Friends" zone?

B-r-r-r-r! No wonder he's discouraged!

"Let's Just Be Friends" == "Let's just treat each other in a superficially friendly manner and not take it any further."

Thank you i feel that's the same way I feel. I have friends when ever I hear that I think I'm not lookign for a friend sure I won't be an A-hole to you if we meet by chance again but I don't wan't another friend.

She just wants to know if it's a date you're after.

Everytime I ask girls out, I get one of the following responses:

"I'll get back to you on that"
"We'll figure something out"
"Let me think about that for a while"

It's a wonder my shoulders haven't frozen off my body entirely...

"I'll get back to you..." == "... when Hell freezes over."
"We'll figure something out" == "... like what possible reason could any sane woman have for going out with you!"
"Let me think about that for a while" == (See "I'll get back to you on that")

I know these are cynical translations, but saying something that is vaguely encouraging yet involves an indefininate future is a Femspeak method of putting men off longer than the current social situation will last, such as during a party or reception where the man is not likely to have any contact with the woman afterwards.

I'd rather have the quick, clean rejection than the vague lack of immediate interest. Sorta like ripping the Band-Aid off all at once than trying to peel it off on millimeter at a time. Just get it over with please, and in no uncertain terms.