Online romance: "This isn't a relationship."

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We all know that long distance relationships suck; so, naturally, online relationships are usually even worse. Yet there have been people who I've met online who I might be dating, if transporters existed. People who like me, who I like back. We express our mutual feelings. Maybe we do roleplay make outs, maybe even cyber. We share personal thoughts and feel that real human connection that we both crave from the real world.

But always, we must say: "This isn't a relationship. We share something special, a connection. But the moment we make it anything official it will suck. We both must be free to find real lovers in real life, and we both must accept any heartbreak that comes if either of us does find a real lover."

But this makes one wonder about commitment in the online world. If you entered a "not-relationship" with someone on the internet, would you think it acceptable to also be in a "not-relationship" with someone else on the internet? Would you find it acceptable for them to be in another "not-relationship" with someone on the internet? Does that include cybersex, or online make outs? Would you enter a "not-relationship" at all with someone, even if you two had impeccable chemistry and shared feelings for each other? What pushes the boundries of a "not-relationship"? Have you been in one? What are your thoughts on the subject?

Lol I'd say that online "relationships" where you're never going to meet the person are so inconsequential that it doesn't really matter. I mean, can you really have a actual emotional connection with someone because of the text that the two of you send each other? In fact, I'd say such "relationships" aren't even worthwhile. I mean, why spend time looking for love online when you can spend that time looking for love in real life and accrue actual benefits?

Last edited by Praetorius on 17 Aug 2008, 1:53 pm, edited 1 time in total.

they do not count.

whatsoever.

well crap there goes the closest thing I had to anything lol

Yes. Words have just as much meaning when they are written as when they are spoken.


*edit* corrected typo

Last edited by Who_Am_I on 17 Aug 2008, 9:52 am, edited 1 time in total.

Not true. I met my other half online, we chatted for a year, moved to be with each other and we're still together three years on in real life, about to get our first house.

I've had one online relationship (as opposed to just chatting to someone, getting to know them a bit and sending a few flirty messages).

But it was different from what most people think of online relationships, in that I'd previously known and worked with him. We used to work for the same company although when I started there I was in a relationship with someone else, so we got to know one another just as friends. Some time later I split up with my previous fiance, but was too devastated to even consider a relationship with anyone else, so he and I were still just friends. Even when I left that company, we stayed friends.

But then I moved back to my home country and we still stayed friends, just online. But then we started spending a lot of time chatting online, and mostly messaging but sometimes voip. And things developed. In what way? Not telling. But yes, certainly, I considered us to be involved in a relationship. Perhaps because I already knew him and we were such close friends it didn't seem so 'virtual', it was 'real'.

And then he came to Europe to work, so I went to visit him in Spain where he was working. We were having a really nice time. But then he said something that wasn't very nice, in fact it was quite insulting. I guess it was a 'lost in translation' thing, but at the time I was so angry and upset. So I went home. And I've never seen him since.

I don't really know how the other kind of online relationships develop, I haven't had much luck. I don't know how a lot of people seem to go from meeting someone virtually and being in an online relationship and then taking that offline irl.

As someone who's had multiple long-distance relationships and online ones and is some casual cyber relationships now, let me tell you:

1. This question is irrelevant because no matter what you decide on the matter, the other person's opinion counts too and this will different from person to person.

2. If you've discussed it with them and they know it's not a real relationship, you can be free to do it with as many people as you like.

3. Cyber sex isn't real sex. I'd say it's only cheating if they're having a real relationship and then cyber with someone else.

4. Cyber sex is casual and can be fun and meaningless, there's nothing wrong with that.

5. If it's actually feasible for the two of you, then internet relationships can turn into real ones sometimes, yeah. So real feelings can be involved. Online chat, particularly with webcams can be very intimate and real feelings can develop even with someone you've not met. I wouldn't say you can necessarily fall in love with someone you've never met, but you can come damn close.

I couldn't have said it better myself.

These are really interesting questions.

I had an online relationship once. It was close to perfect. Then we met in person and I was not the least bit attracted to him. Even worse, he pressured me to be intimate with him even though I made it clear that I did not want to. After I declined, he treated me like I was disgusting, and the friendship ended there.

What I learned is that it is important to remember that some percentage (50% or more?) of an online relationship is fantasy. You probably imagine the person to be physically attractive, and to have the same personality in real life that they express online, but you can't really know until you spend some time together in person. When you've put a lot of time and effort into an online relationship only to find out that your fantasy does not match reality, it can be distressing. Especially if the other person has a different experience.

I'm not sure about the commitment element, but I imagine that as time goes on, rules will develop for online relationships, just like there are "rules" for traditional ones . . .

I would just appreciate it for what it is, enjoy this type of connection. At least you know that whatever kind of connection you may have, it is not purely physical.

I'm in an online relationship at the moment. The feelings are very real and I consider it very real. As long as two humans with feelings are involved, then it's real. As far as what it means, that's up to the two people involved in it. Some people consider it dating, others consider it an emotional affair. As someone else said, with the use of a webcam and headset where you hear a voice, it can get very intimate.

Okay. true, but however, it's an online relationship, in my opinion, and those of my friends (who are all NT btw) it isn't a real thing. If you intend to one day meet the person, then yes, it's real.

However, the one thing is, and this is a quote I've heard somewhere, "All the women are men, all the men are men, and all the kids are cops." but when you think about it, the internet allows us to hide who we truly are.

Per example, I could be someone totally different, then what I am. If I didn't have that picture Avy up of myself, I could pass myself off as a woman, and as such say that I am, and ya'll would be believe me, but since I'm an honest person (snorts would feel the room if I said that a few places, so semi honest with good intentions) I am what I am.

Back to the subject of online dating, I don't look down on it or discourage it, I just remind people that it does take away from the fact that you aren't in the same vacinity as the person, the other person could be well enough away in London, England of all places.

It also allows you to get to know someone on a more personal level than in person. People will open up more in text than in person when they're nervous. I'm just counting the serious people, not the ones who hide behind a persona. Maybe a better way to put it is that it's a good start to a real in person relationship though I've found that it fulfills an emotional need in a good way, just not the physical ones.

I know I've often been more honest in text form.

And there are ways and means to confirm gender/looks. Webcam and getting them to take photos with that day's papers work well.

If you feel like it is real, nobody else has the right to say it is not real. If you feel it, then at least it is real for you. But do try to meet once you do feel serious attraction, because if the relationship is remaining strictly online it is unlikely to last. Just try to meet after a while and see the online thing as the first step of the relationship. But is it real? Sometimes maybe more real than a short relationship where you never felt really strongly about.

if i were in a "real" relationship... and found out my SO was having internet relations with someone else... i'd be peeved. that in itself suggests there is some substance to these sorts of things.