Why do you want a relationship?

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Not to be rude, but -

I'm curious.

Those of you who want a romantic relationship, I'm curious - why?

I'm not judging this, but I notice many do not wish to touch, spend time with or talk to their romantic partner if or when they have one. Those who have one, feel that way also in many posts I've read.

I ask this for my own curiosity and because my S.O. seems this way also. To me those are key things in a relationship (even a friendship in a way). So, if you don't want those things, what else is there? I honestly am curious to hear what else there is...

I've seen posts on here aching for a S.O. and yet - if you do not want any of those 'key' things then why want a Significant Other so badly? For most people you meet, it will involve time spent, touching, and/or talking, at least one of those maybe all three.

So the 'key' relationship benefits must be different to some of you. What are your 'key' relationship benefits?

This is also asked because it may lend comfort. If you just want a warm body, companionship or loyalty, a pet will do. If you just want sex a hooker (or pickup) might do. If you just want an occasional buddy a platonic friend might do. I guess I am also thinking that it is good to examine WHY you want a romantic relationship, before you look for one let alone turn despondent over not finding one. This saves problems later for both people.

What do you wish to give to the significant other? (Humorous replies also welcome, I realise these are blunt questions but one thing I like about this board is people don't seem to mind blunt.)

Thanks for any replies.

Sex. And... yeah, sex.

Comments like that aren't going to help you (or us.)

Lol.

Because the need to be loved exists, regardless of any sensory obstacles or social misunderstandings.

The real question is not "why" but "how" do I find someone meaningful in my life and at the same time provide meaning to the other person's life. To ask "why" is to already have given up.

Society is geared towards coupling. It just seems natural to at least attempt at romance even when one knows not how to go about doing it or how to maintain it. It's a rite of passage in any society. Enough failed attempts and psychological trauma will have one asking the "why" question...but the need to be loved still exists, even if one rationalizes the need into a want that can be delayed indefinitely.

The ability of someone to reinforce his/her own sense of security through non-social means may clash with someone who needs consistent external, social reinforcenent. Both individuals need to feel loved, but the contrasting neurologies will fail to connect.

Partially because I'm interested to see if there really is anything that makes "love" as I understand it any different than a very close friendship - if not, then just one more person to be close to in a way I'm familiar with!

Also, there's an expected permanence to romantic relationships, true, less so than in past days, but still... in elementary school, there was "best friends forever," but once you hit adolescence and adulthood, you're expected to be looking for your One True Love... or that's how it seemed. Took me a while to figure out that the rules had changed. Still, I do want that bond with someone, and I'd sorta like to be able to prove the cynics, and my observations and family history, wrong, and make things work out with someone despite the obstacles.

Lastly, after a certain point, it became weird and even unacceptable to hug my friends or otherwise be bodily close. No, I don't mean sex (me being asexual and all), but that's what people inferred from my being clingy. I want to have some sort of relationship where I can be cuddly and it won't come off as weird.

That's really what I can think of right now. I didn't articulate it very well, and there's probably more, but I'll edit it later if I feel the need.

Oh, come on, guys. This is like totally the case for all of us. Why do we want relationships? Because we get emotions that make us feel lonely, separated, neglected, etc. when we don't have them. We feel these emotions and the strong urge to have relationships because we're naturally driven to have sex and reproduce. Realize it or not, our reason for wanting to have relationships is, in its simplest form, not a logical or emotional reason, but an evolutionary one. It's hardwired into our brains. All other reasoning is just a rationalization to make ourselves feel as though we're in control.

Well, ideally I want a warm body, a companion, sex, and a buddy all from the same person.

Maybe I need some validation that I am desirable and useful to another person in that way as well.

I assume that I want to love someone and to be loved by someone as I hear it is supposed to be some great thing but I have never been in love before and I am very curious about it. I am very curious about pretty much all things relationship. I can't really know if relationships are for me until I have experienced a few.

As for what I am willing to give there in lies my problem. It isn't that I am unwilling to reciprocate in a relationship as needed and give a lot, it is just I have no idea what I could give that anyone would want. If I met some lady that I was crazy about and I could somehow get over my social ineptitudes to be able to form some sort of relationship I really have no idea about what I am supposed to give her. I just don't know what a woman would want from me or if I did know, if I even posses any of those traits. If I knew what to provide I would provide every bit of it to her as I was humanly capable of.

But still I have had this drive for close relationships with people of the opposite sex for a very long time, I have had pets, and platonic friends and that drive for something more just won't go away. It isn't just sex. While I will never hire a prostitute, and a hookup isn't something I would be against under the right circumstances, sex is a desire that I can make go away all by myself if only temporarily. I just get incredibly lonely and knowing all that I have said above I still want a relationship, even a bad one just to have that connection and to know that I can have one, that someone would want me. Even though I know there are things that need to change I know that will take a long time and I simply do not want to have to wait a long time.

Occasionally, I just get so tired of being alone and I want someone to hold onto. It would be easier for me if I could just make all that go away but it won't and an S.O. is the only way that I know of to remedy that. I understand that no one can really help me but myself, but I am not one of the ones who makes whiny posts all about it either. These are just some of the reasons that I can think of right now that I want a relationship as flawed as my reasons may or may not be.

Maybe all of that amounts to me being not relationship material, or too needy or whatever. I can handle that. I am not one of those bitter people who blames everyone but themselves for having no success in romance. My lack of success is all on me, there are things I know how to change, there are things that I should already know how to do but don't, and more. I understand that is all on me. Maybe I am just too self centered but I am trying to be honest here. I want what I want. I vaguely know why it is that I want it, but I do want it.

I get plenty of companionship and platonic love from my family, particularly my parents and brother. However, my heart is aching for romance - kissing, hand-holding, cuddling, "I-Love-Yous". The feeling of connecting to a man on a spiritual, emotional and physical level and eventually joining him in matrimony - that's something that family and friends cannot provide.

Awww the last two posts made me really sad. It's the same thing for me too, though! Except for the planning-to-get-married-right-from-the-start thing. Personally, I'm not about that.

Same here.Also being someone that a person is happy just cause she is with you and enriched by your presence would be nice.

It's true. It took me some time to realize, that I actually don't need anyone, but still I thought I should try to have someone. Everyone does. The thing is I don't need to be loved and I don't love anyone, too. I mean, I like some people from my family, there are persons I would give up my life for, but at the same time I live abroad, I see them once a year and I don't miss them. I have never been in love with anyone and I guess I am just not able to be. Maybe, I'll see where it goes in future.

So I will not be lonely and depressed. There are no working alternative.

....

Last edited by Aspie_Chav on 25 Aug 2008, 3:12 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Because loneliness is one of the worst feelings ever... and because I can get laid.

I think my main problem is my desire for the kind of romantic affection and acceptance that you can only get in a relationship. I've been somehow conditioned to have this desire... either by Nature, or by an idiotic culture... I'm not sure which one, exactly.

The desire for romantic affection is not a good enough reason to have a relationship. If I could figure out how to eliminate this desire, then it would no longer matter that I'm single. What's weird, though, is that I remember a time when I was a kid and I didn't have this desire... and I didn't understand or care why people fell in love. I wish I could go back to that state of mind (and I wish that all these pompous, superficial jerks would stop treating us single guys like "losers." )