does HAPPILY EVER AFTER happens??

Post Reply New Topic

Does this really happen in REAL life? I BELIEVED so coz my parents are married for 53 long years and going! But what I want to know is "DOES THIS ALSO HAPPENS TO COUPLE WITH ONE HAVING AN ASPERGER? Is there a couple on this site whose married for such a long time? or been to a relationship for a long time?Any suggestions on how to keep the relationship going and LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER??......

Not that long, but 34 years this coming week. I'd say the more important items for us are allowing the other partner to change and grow and making compromises (he went to one of my outdoor events last weekend, I went to one of his parties for work last night--truly not something I'd ever choose, but I survived). I think of all the new experiences I would never have had without him--I know they have made me grow. I think you can't take your relationship for granted, and if things are moving along smoothly, that's far too easy to do. Not that it is hard work, but it needs to be at the top of my to-do list. He is quite NT, but he has his quirks that I work around (several strong phobias), so together we can manage to deal with the world. It makes life a lot easier and more enjoyable having someone to love and knowing that you are loved and cared for.

In heaven, I believe yes you can be generally happy in a marriage but as long as your soul isn't content you'll never truely be happy. IMO

I don't know for certain, but I am damn well going after it.


M.

Realistically, in my opinion, and also assuming that we will discover the fountain of youth...

Only if you and your lover both care so much about each other's happiness that
neither of you would NEVER even THINK about doing ANYTHING on purpose that
you know would make them unhappy. You only think about making each other happy.
And if one of you accidentally makes the other unhappy then you both would cry about it.
And that's more important than any stupid silly thing and any big awful thing.

People say that it's "normal" to fight in a relationship. I am not "normal".
I once heard someone say these words which intrigue me greatly:
"I'm a lover, not a fighter." I very much want to be able to truthfully say that.

I'm very easy to get along with and so are all of my friends.
But... If someone FIGHTS with me then logically they are my ENEMY.
I don't have fights with friends. I am not "normal". But happily ever after isn't "normal" either.
Isn't it just so totally logical when married people fight a lot and then they get a divorce?

"Happily Ever After" does not exist in real life. There are always new challenges, both from within and without, that can test a relationship.

The advantage of the AS to me seems to be their ability to stay failthful.

When you are an NT you have the disadvantage of being more tempted by the ways of this world.

However the disadvantage of the AS side may be that is can be hard to provide a closeness that an NT reqires to feel satisfied.

There seems to be many books written on the subject of AS/NT relationships, so it must work sometimes, but life any relationship, it has to be a two way effort.

m.

i think you are right...AS got the capacity to stay faithful but nevertheless once they are confused they are being so hard on their partner to an extent that they dont seem to know how hurt they caused (just speaking for my experience, im not speaking in general..)

you mentioned about books about AS/NT relationships- any recommendation?

thanks..

If you look on amazon in aspergers books, there are many to choose from. One called alone together, is good.

I have to agree with you, (from personal experience, and not in general!) in that....... an AS partner may not be aware of the hurt caused by what they say, because afterall, to them it is just the "truth" . The truth sometimes can cut deep, and damage to the point of no repair.

An NT may find their AS partners words cruel, uncaring, painful to the point of killing any love. BUt the AS is just saying what he feels.

Equally so, the NT could make a joke or a sarcastic comment, Just having a "laugh"which can also hurt the AS partner in a way that the NT jsut cant understand!

Hard work........

m.

No it does not I've tryed to find my happliy ever after and God has screwed with me being happy every time because he gave me AS. God does not want anyone to be happy.