Difference between engaging and annoying

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After I've met someone, been on a date or some such, I can never tell how much and how often I should try to contact the other person. I'm always afraid of coming of as annoying and bothersome, but I'm equally afraid of waiting to long and losing to an unseen competitor. I can also never get them to try and contact me, but I'm told that's just a matter of gender roles. Does anyone else have this problem or any insights to it?

After the first date, it's probably best to wait three days and then give a call and maybe call back once if you don't get a reply within a day.

I would oblivious too; I supppose the male is supposed to reciprocate, yes?

I am so painfully shy I cannot even speak. Is it ok for me to approach male? I am afraid I might start crying.
I do fine if it's another scientist and it's about SCIENCE, but personally......?

I never know when to try to contact someone. Whenever I want to talk to someone I keep worrying if I'm bothering them (especially if it is over the phone or the net) or coming across as too clingy or the like. *Sigh* The wonderful unknown line that happens to be different for every person. You know, things would be much easier if you could physically see this line...

I'm fairly certain that it's ok for you to approach. I'm sure they wouldn't mind, I know I wouldn't.

Be as scarce as possible. If you think she likes you enough to call you herself, then give her the chance!

That is so difficult. How to know how much messages you are supposed to send or when to call...

A few years ago I met a nice girl and we spent some time together. After a few days I decided to contact her, but realised I did not had her phone number or email address. So I used my grey network to obtain her addresses and decided to sent her an email telling her I enjoyed the time and would like to keep in contact with her.

She received the mail and send a flaming reply she did not like the fact that I found her email address. So I decided to call her to apologize and she accepted the apology and told she had a nice time with me. So I thought I was doing the right thing and decided to email her, but after that I never heard from her again. So probably that was one message too much.

Now I decided to give someone a card with my addresses or wait till the other one gives the addresses to me. Then the first step is not mine to take.

I wish there were some rules for contacting people.

There are no real "rules" for these sorts of things. Some people want you to wait three days, some want you to call immediately.. you have to sort of feel it out, which I know can be difficult.

I'd say wait at least a day or two - you want them to know that you enjoyed their company, and you would like to see them again, but at the same time, they want to know that you do have a life outside of seeing them. You can call them back, tell them how fun it was, and maybe give them your info and tell them to get back to you if they'd like to get together again.. this way, you've taken the first step, but the next is theirs to take.. which would indicate that you like them but are willing to have an equal relationship.

Obviously this won't work with everyone.. but the idea here is to find the person that's right for you, and playing this "dating game" with its specific rules won't help that. It will help you find a person who likes how you play the game, and that's not necessarily what you want.

I know this is best, but I think it's dumb as hell. Who on earth wants to begin any kind of relationship, friendship included, with a bunch of empty posturing designed to give artificial impressions?

How hard is it to: if you're not busy and want to, call them; If you're too busy or don't want to, don't; If someone calls you and you don't feel like talking to them, tell them; If you'd like them to call you back later, mention that too.

The idea of having to pretend to someone that "I only-just-now got a chance to call sorry about that you know how it goes with that crazy-busy life of mine hahahahahaha" in order for them to like me is so antithema to me that it's worth it to me to be single until I find someone who thinks that kind of thing is as silly as I do.

I really just don't want anything to do with a relationship that I have to pretend I'm something I'm not to even start.

I have the perfect pickup line, that I have used, "Come over to my place I'll show you my weasel" works for me, and my ferret like it too.

^
funny dude