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Gremmie
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05 Sep 2008, 11:25 am

Heya. I'm just wondering about something. Basically things seem to be going places between me and this guy and omfg I'm so scared. Aren't people meant to be happy at times like this? I mean it's great when we're together but just the fact he seems to like me kind of freaks me out. I've had one boyfriend before (a few years ago) and I was so horrible to him because I couldn't cope with it. So yeah... is this remotely normal or am I just a complete psychopath???



ghouna
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05 Sep 2008, 11:29 am

When i like someone i tend to be nasty, and not happy with them, because i am scared that one day they will get rid of me...
(does it make sense???)


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AutisticMalcontent
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05 Sep 2008, 11:38 am

Nothing is wrong, you're just having anxiety and it is intefering in what should be a peaceful and happy time. It is not unusual for autistic people to have anxiety, after all, we have an extremely hard time understanding people's emotional cues and body language. It is understandible that you are nervous. But here is some good advice from which you can do well with.

The secret to getting rid of inner nervousness is this:

"How you interpret energy - as positive or negative energy- is all up to you"

You see, when you worry, your brain releases adrenaline and cortisol to deal with the imaginary or real threat, commonly know as the "fight or flight" response. By thinking and worrying about "what ifs", your body is producing symptoms to what you're thinking.

The abover phrase I wrote is simple. If you interpret something negatively, you will feel negatively about it. However if you think positively about it, you will feel good and relaxed.

So in your case, here is probably your train of thought:

"I don't know if this new relationship is going to work out, after all, my last one was a mess and I freaked out so much I dissapointed my previous bf"

Now try thinking like this:

"This relationship will work out, and it will be fun and exciting. I won't let anxiety control me"

Keep thinking this and you will be free of your anxious thoughts. I have used it before and it has worked for me. Good luck!



Jeyradan
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05 Sep 2008, 11:45 am

I can't say that this has happened to me often, but I know I feel a) extremely anxious, and b) over-cautious.

Anxious because:
- I don't really know what to say or do... I don't know what is and isn't "okay."
- I'm afraid that the person who is liked isn't really me, and the more "me" that becomes evident (not that I hide it, though sometimes I try with things I don't like about myself), the less they'll like the whole package.

Over-cautious because:
- I feel the need to make sure I only say and do "okay" things, so I end up being very quiet and "go along" with things.
- I try too hard to conform to everything the other person wants/needs.

This results in a painfully shy, quiet, accommodating person... but then when I am comfortable with the person, I become more "me," and then the anxiousness kicks in and I start to worry that the real "me" isn't as enjoyable to [whomever] as the over-cautious way I start out. Gah!

I'd like to say, though, that:
- the right person can make you feel "okay" and alleviate those fears and cautions
- despite all of the above-typed, there's still the overwhelming "run-around-with-a-silly-grin, tap-dance-for-no-reason, secret-happiness, etc." aspect that makes any nervousness worthwhile



Gremmie
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05 Sep 2008, 6:11 pm

ok thanks for that... hopefully it is just the anxiety thing
I already know this guy pretty well so he has a good idea what I'm like
I'm just worried that maybe I am actually not capable of all those intense feelings people are meant to feel. If so then basically I'm just wasting his time and potentially hurting him. I know I hurt my ex. It's weird... in this situation I just kind of feel like I'm playing a part rather than being truly myself and I'm not sure how to get out of that.



ghouna
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06 Sep 2008, 3:37 am

I know how you feel, because with my other relationship i thought the same. Am i playing a game?
When i met my future husband at the time, my mum came to meet him for a week end. She told me "he is a gem, be nice with him, and he loves you". I started to relax, be nicer. and we got married.
I know it sounds cheesy to say that, but (oh i cannot believe i am going to say that) when it is the right one, you will start to relax... (see, it sounds bad! LOL)


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