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WHAT tanks your relationships?

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Sorenna
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16 Sep 2008, 1:04 pm

Hi-

I am just wondering what exactly it is that tanks ASP relationships?

Is it that we get bored?
Is it that the person does not share the intensity of our obsessions? (Impossible)
Is it that we can't relate or that we have a hard time finding healthy people?

I do good with the first couple dates, and then it flops. I have had one LTR but it was so pathological it does not even count.

I am not sure why I can't get past the frist couple dates. Yes, I have trouble reading into the non-verbal cues, but sometimes they send mixed messages. Yes, I get bored. Yes, I get tired of having to fake and primp and pretend to be a "normal" woman.

I also have to have so much alone time in my head that it's hard to be involved. And what would be the point of being with someone for about an hour a day?

Plus I have major sense issues. Someone may like to be out in the sun rock climbing- no way. Or loud music or a certain aftershave. Then they like to eat out, I can't.......

GAD, I think i am answering my own question.

Nonetheless, I have made very good friends out of the people I have dated by always getting out of it in a nice way- "moving" or going back to school or family issues that take up time, etc etc. Anything but, "I am a genetic wreck."

Anyway, I am just wondering what causes other people with ASP relation troubles? It seems much more complex than just one thing, that we are just difficult or bored, etc.



LePetitPrince
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16 Sep 2008, 1:21 pm

Image



Last edited by LePetitPrince on 16 Sep 2008, 1:23 pm, edited 1 time in total.

ZakFiend
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16 Sep 2008, 1:22 pm

Quote:
Anyway, I am just wondering what causes other people with ASP relation troubles? It seems much more complex than just one thing, that we are just difficult or bored, etc.


1. AS can have weird body language / voice intonation
2. AS people are usually needy because of self-esteem (i.e. constantly looking for approval)
3. They don't express physically (i.e. voice tone, gestures) enjoyment about much of anything ... which leads to the fact, people think they don't laugh, they don't play. (girls just want to have fun remember)
4. They hold back their emotions and don't express themselves well when they do (fear of / reduced expresison)
5. They are always waiting on (like a waiter) in the social interaction to please the other person, they can't deal with negative reactions, they are always looking for positive reactions instead of letting the girl/boy react to them in any way they like (taking everything way too seriously).



Tim_Tex
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16 Sep 2008, 1:23 pm

Except for my past relationships, it's very difficult to get past date #1.


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Sorenna
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16 Sep 2008, 2:31 pm

ZakFiend wrote:
Quote:
Anyway, I am just wondering what causes other people with ASP relation troubles? It seems much more complex than just one thing, that we are just difficult or bored, etc.


1. AS can have weird body language / voice intonation
2. AS people are usually needy because of self-esteem (i.e. constantly looking for approval)
3. They don't express physically (i.e. voice tone, gestures) enjoyment about much of anything ... which leads to the fact, people think they don't laugh, they don't play. (girls just want to have fun remember)
4. They hold back their emotions and don't express themselves well when they do (fear of / reduced expresison)
5. They are always waiting on (like a waiter) in the social interaction to please the other person, they can't deal with negative reactions, they are always looking for positive reactions instead of letting the girl/boy react to them in any way they like (taking everything way too seriously).


Good lord, those are all my last boyfriend.

I am no longer needy and don't wait on reactions, but I have had a lot of help :-)

PS: What a beautiful set of tanks, those, Prince!



SPCDavid
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16 Sep 2008, 3:40 pm

It looks like a combination of an extremely attractive lead tank and a rear tank with bad impulse control, it happens all the time :wink:



BokeKaeru
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16 Sep 2008, 3:56 pm

Unfortunately, every single guy I've come close to a relationship with had no sense of subtlety whatsoever - I just barely get to know them, and I might have not even met them off the internet, and they suddenly are expecting sex. That just... kills it for me. I feel used, like they never even were interested in the conversations we were having about philosophy or anime or our lives or whatever else that I was enjoying so much, they didn't want to know me as the person I am, it was all just means to the end of something I wasn't even looking for in the first place.

I had a sort-of relationship with a girl once. Nothing happened or was attempted sexually, that wasn't the problem. In fact, she was a nice person. She just couldn't keep up with me mentally. And when I did hang out with friends who could follow my lines of thought and get my ideas, she'd get jealous. Between these two factors, I was almost glad when she broke off with me, really.



JohnHopkins
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16 Sep 2008, 4:05 pm

Tanking my relationships?

In order:

- Me being a dick.
- Me, and then her, cheating.
- Parental intervention.
- Distance.



lotusblossom
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16 Sep 2008, 4:12 pm

Sorenna wrote:
Hi-

I am just wondering what exactly it is that tanks ASP relationships?

Is it that we get bored?
Is it that the person does not share the intensity of our obsessions? (Impossible)
Is it that we can't relate or that we have a hard time finding healthy people?

I do good with the first couple dates, and then it flops. I have had one LTR but it was so pathological it does not even count.

I am not sure why I can't get past the frist couple dates. Yes, I have trouble reading into the non-verbal cues, but sometimes they send mixed messages. Yes, I get bored. Yes, I get tired of having to fake and primp and pretend to be a "normal" woman.

I also have to have so much alone time in my head that it's hard to be involved. And what would be the point of being with someone for about an hour a day?

Plus I have major sense issues. Someone may like to be out in the sun rock climbing- no way. Or loud music or a certain aftershave. Then they like to eat out, I can't.......

GAD, I think i am answering my own question.

Nonetheless, I have made very good friends out of the people I have dated by always getting out of it in a nice way- "moving" or going back to school or family issues that take up time, etc etc. Anything but, "I am a genetic wreck."

Anyway, I am just wondering what causes other people with ASP relation troubles? It seems much more complex than just one thing, that we are just difficult or bored, etc.


Im exactly the same, I want a relationship but cant manage it for the same reasons you stated.

I think I am destined to be alone forever.

I have no idea what can be done to remedy it.

Ive not met anyone patient or determined enough to get past all the problems.

The trouble is us aspies need couples councilling from the begining of a relationship, not just the end.



JohnHopkins
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16 Sep 2008, 4:17 pm

Lotus, if I was local to you I'd certainly give it a go.



lotusblossom
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16 Sep 2008, 4:21 pm

JohnHopkins wrote:
Lotus, if I was local to you I'd certainly give it a go.


I love you :heart:



JohnHopkins
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16 Sep 2008, 4:24 pm

Ha. I do try :oops:

How's your family doing BTW?



lotusblossom
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16 Sep 2008, 4:27 pm

JohnHopkins wrote:
Ha. I do try :oops:

How's your family doing BTW?


my 6 year old just threatened me with a bread knife because I washed her panties

sometimes everything sucks



JohnHopkins
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16 Sep 2008, 4:28 pm

8O



Bread knife, eh...




I don't love you any more :P



lotusblossom
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16 Sep 2008, 4:30 pm

maybe thats where my relationships go wrong :?



JohnHopkins
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16 Sep 2008, 4:38 pm

Well you know, I'm sure kids could put a lot of guys off, but that just means then, would you rather stay with someone who wants to keep your kids at arms' length?