Nice Guy Syndrome

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I had a really hard time with relationships a few years ago. I was a nice guy, funny, and not too bad looking, but I got turned down a lot, probably because I lacked social skills. The fact is, guys with AS are gonna have a hard time in relationships, but that doesn't mean we don't have any control over our outcome.

One thing I hear all the time is "Why do they always pass us up? We're such nice guys." Here's a rhetorical question; what if a nice girl wants a relation with you, and what if she isn't physically attractive? A lot of you would pass her up too, that same girl would probably wonder why she can't find ANY guy.

The fact is sex appeal works different for the oppositee sex and "just being yourself" won't get you very far. Women want a man, and there's all kinds of ways to go about getting that man-appeal. I mean something as simple as being good at cards or chopping firewood can be a turn-on. Confidence is a factor, so is fitness, income, and even some of our personality quirks.

I've changed since a few years ago, I started hitting the gym and going to college. I do much better now, and will do better yet in the near future. The point is you need to have a proactive approach to this, you actually need to work towards being appealing, hoping for it or arguing about fairness won't make anything happen.

...please tell me you're bisexual. <333

That makes sense. Masculinity would obviously be helpful. But being yourself is also essential or you're just living a lie.

Yet another "Nice Guys Can't Get Laid" thread?! !

Okaaayyyyy...

My current boyfriend is proof that nice guys do, in fact, get laid.

But often not until the woman has learned a few hard lessons.

Confidence, not cockiness, is very key to attractiveness. A woman will like being around you if you're comfortable in your own skin. It has nothing to do with "nice". Nothing at all. Truth is, younger and dumber women mistake cockiness for confidence all the time. They don't recognize it for all the BS and bluster that it actually is.

As for "One thing I hear all the time is "Why do they always pass us up? We're such nice guys." Here's a rhetorical question; what if a nice girl wants a relation with you, and what if she isn't physically attractive? A lot of you would pass her up too, that same girl would probably wonder why she can't find ANY guy", I agree with you 110%. I am guilty of that too, back in high school I didn't want the most gorgious girls around, I wanted cute girls, and if I was lucky, beautiful. Never happened, and girls I thought were unattractive asked me out, and I politely refused because I wasn't into them.

Yes, this is the irony our autistic brothers share, we want girls to notice and like us, but we want only the attractive ones, and when unappealing girls come along, we turn them down. We don't want to feel like we have to settle for below average, we want something that is attractive and appealing to our eyes. I'm not saying extremely beautiful or well endowed girls, but girls we find attractive. Humorous and sad, isn't it?

Being "yourself", always good advice. I am myself, intelligent, wise, athletic, kind, and funny. Girls still don't care, once you're nice to them, you're practically endebted (sp?) to be their "friend" forever. So you know what, screw them, if I am wanting a gf, I will go to a place where guys and girls are BOTH searching for love, dating services. I'm not going to wait for my happily ever after, no girl would give a rat's ass about me romantically unless I was in a place where people yearned to be happy with someone. The search for love one on one is a joke, a mockery and an exercise in futility for most of us aspies. If you can do it, great , however if not, I would highly suggest a dating service. We don't have to be alone for eternity and a half

I'm not saying nice guys can't get laid, I'm just saying a little work improves your chances. Most people I know mistake "being themselves" with "not changing a thing" , I made the same mistake myself and had some unrealistic expectations for awhile.

I swear to God, I will give you a blow job. This is so much stuff I've had knocking around in my head and you've just phrased it perfectly when I've failed to on here like 20 times.

Well I'm glad you like the idea. BJs are cool, but I have a feeling things would be really akward after that.

They needn't be awkward

Things might get hard though

This fails to explain why nice guy aspies who are of average or better appearance get passed up.

I just threw up in my mouth a little bit...

What I'm trying to say here is that not too many women are looking for a pretty face, they're looking at the over all picture. How you dress, the tone of your voice, eye contact, posture, it all factors in for a first impression. Not to mention the other stuff they think about. So even if you look good, if you dress like it's 1991 nobody will take you seriously.

On the flipside I look at the face, quickly lower my gazy by about 12in, then quickly look at the face again and hope she didn't notice. That concludes my first impression (and 90% of any male first impression).

So basically if women want to better their chances they'd have to do anything from excerscise regimines to plastic surgery. On the other hand, if men want to improve their odds in a first impression, we just save up a little for a nice pair of shoes and practice in front of a mirror. Which one is more fair? It depends on what you were born with.

I used to mention personality as a main factor, but I'd then pass up someone because she wasn't too attractive (but had a really good personality), I just wanted to be friends with her. So what I really meant to say was I wanted to meet someone with good looks and a cool personality. Yes that means I'm shallow, but I've accepted it and since I can accept that, I can accept why I might not have been so appealing before.

For someone to take you seriously you have to have something serious to offer!