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aguales
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09 Sep 2008, 10:35 am

I posted this link on an "Asexuality" thread in the General Autism Discussion forum, but I'll also post it here. It's an interesting article on asexuality and marriage. Check it out:

We're Married, We Just Don't Have Sex



AngryJessman
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09 Sep 2008, 11:09 am

the guy must be soo deluded cos it seems crazy

either he has given all the power to the woman and secretly he thinks he will get sex if he denies wanting it

or

either he or her is gay/lesbian or both and maybe the marriage is for other benifits or sumthin'



slowmutant
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09 Sep 2008, 11:28 am

aguales wrote:
I posted this link on an "Asexuality" thread in the General Autism Discussion forum, but I'll also post it here. It's an interesting article on asexuality and marriage. Check it out:

We're Married, We Just Don't Have Sex


Can marriage even be legitimate if it is not consummated? That's what the phrase "marriage bed" refers to. I wonder if these two even bothered with a honeymoon?



makuranososhi
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09 Sep 2008, 11:34 am

AngryJessman wrote:
the guy must be soo deluded cos it seems crazy

either he has given all the power to the woman and secretly he thinks he will get sex if he denies wanting it

or

either he or her is gay/lesbian or both and maybe the marriage is for other benifits or sumthin'


Hey Angry - just because it doesn't make sense to you, doesn't mean it's not real or true. Some people are wired differently than others; for those on the spectrum, this should be something we remind ourselves of daily. Sex isn't a motivator for these individuals, but it doesn't mean there isn't romance, attraction, affection or attention in their relationships. The entire concept of sexuality gets pushed into this box of physicality... perhaps I'm strange, but the best orgasms I have are those rooted in the cerebral experience.


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Tim_Tex
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09 Sep 2008, 11:37 am

AngryJessman wrote:
the guy must be soo deluded cos it seems crazy

either he has given all the power to the woman and secretly he thinks he will get sex if he denies wanting it

or

either he or her is gay/lesbian or both and maybe the marriage is for other benifits or sumthin'


I agree 100%!


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slowmutant
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09 Sep 2008, 11:42 am

If you are unable to consummate your marriage, what then? If you are religious, your community expects it of you.

Marriage ---> Sex ---> Children

This is the traditional Christian paradigm. It's antiquiated, it's out of touch with reality, it's not very well informed, but it is tradition after all.



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09 Sep 2008, 11:59 am

slowmutant wrote:
If you are unable to consummate your marriage, what then? If you are religious, your community expects it of you.

Marriage ---> Sex ---> Children

This is the traditional Christian paradigm. It's antiquiated, it's out of touch with reality, it's not very well informed, but it is tradition after all.

..so therefore we must follow it blindly. Have you thought about being a politican, I'm sure you could write a great manifesto. How about the 10 commandments, just rearrange the numbers? :lol:



AngryJessman
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09 Sep 2008, 11:59 am

i wonder how long this "marriage" will last, seriously even if they are on the spectrum, if they have enough confidence to get married, im sure they will have the hand in hand emotions with it, most importantly the sex drive...

if they both claim this sex drive doesn't exist in them and they admit they are asexual, im afraid to say i smell something IS definately...."fishy"



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09 Sep 2008, 12:06 pm

0_equals_true wrote:
slowmutant wrote:
If you are unable to consummate your marriage, what then? If you are religious, your community expects it of you.

Marriage ---> Sex ---> Children

This is the traditional Christian paradigm. It's antiquiated, it's out of touch with reality, it's not very well informed, but it is tradition after all.

..so therefore we must follow it blindly. Have you thought about being a politican, I'm sure you could write a great manifesto. How about the 10 commandments, just rearrange the numbers? :lol:


No, the Ten Commandments are pretty much sacrosant as they are. And I can't be a politcian 'cause I never had the ability to lie through my teeth without blinking.



makuranososhi
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09 Sep 2008, 12:06 pm

slowmutant wrote:
If you are unable to consummate your marriage, what then? If you are religious, your community expects it of you.

Marriage ---> Sex ---> Children

This is the traditional Christian paradigm. It's antiquiated, it's out of touch with reality, it's not very well informed, but it is tradition after all.


Marriage is not the exclusive domain of Christians... and while there is the concept of procreation, in our modern society there are myriad views of how to express it. In my opinion, the concern is bunk... in a way, I see it like the way a relationship evolves as both partners age into their later years, where sex is not the concern, but the person is the priority.


M.


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Brunny
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09 Sep 2008, 12:36 pm

I've heard of/read about asexuality and I've met a bloke who claims to be asexual and probably is. I have no reason to doubt him, why would he make up such a thing? Doubting this is pretty much equivalent to doubting the existence of homosexuality if you are heterosexual etc.



slowmutant
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09 Sep 2008, 1:01 pm

Yes, and FWIW I do not doubt the existence of homosexuality. What I doubt is that all homosexuals are evil, sick, hellbound, etc. I am undecided on that issue now because it so totally confuses me.



QuantumToast
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09 Sep 2008, 5:14 pm

I don't see any problem with it, personally. And it's not like they're even the first asexual couple.


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09 Sep 2008, 6:16 pm

Hmph. I guess I've always assumed that sex and marriage mutually attract. It is normal for them to do so.



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11 Sep 2008, 8:40 pm

If marriage was all about procreation (with sex being the middleman... middlething?), then infertile, older or sexual but decidedly childless couples would not get married. As all of the aforementioned sorts of people do get married, why is there such a problem with asexuals? A lot of asexual couples do have sex only for the purpose of reproduction, and those that don't can adopt. There will be plenty of other people who will gladly reproduce naturally, so it's not as if the whole human race is at risk for extinction or something because a few people aren't interested in the whole deal. Nor is it the case that just because a family does not have children, that they are making any less valuable a contribution to their community, together or on their own.

And please, I know that this has been said before, but don't assume that just because you can't understand how someone can be or feel a certain way, that it can't be so. Imagine if someone came up to you and said, "Well, I can't understand how ANYONE could like women (or men, as the case may be), so obviously you're making it up, and you and your girlfriend (or boyfriend) are just pretending to like each other!" I can't say I believe you'd be all that happy about someone doubting your experience because of their own lack of comprehension.

At least in terms of sex and all that comes with it, asexuals aren't hurting anyone, so why all the dislike for them? Is it just because it's not considered "normal" to be so? I find it odd, how little understanding there is for those who don't fit the norm in several respects on a board that's more or less dedicated to those who feel they're on the "wrong planet." Just as many of you would like to see NTs accept you and not question the validity of your experience, I think I speak for many other asexuals as well as myself when I say that I would like to see acceptance of this form of difference as well.



makuranososhi
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11 Sep 2008, 9:33 pm

BokeKaeru wrote:
If marriage was all about procreation (with sex being the middleman... middlething?), then infertile, older or sexual but decidedly childless couples would not get married. As all of the aforementioned sorts of people do get married, why is there such a problem with asexuals? A lot of asexual couples do have sex only for the purpose of reproduction, and those that don't can adopt. There will be plenty of other people who will gladly reproduce naturally, so it's not as if the whole human race is at risk for extinction or something because a few people aren't interested in the whole deal. Nor is it the case that just because a family does not have children, that they are making any less valuable a contribution to their community, together or on their own.

And please, I know that this has been said before, but don't assume that just because you can't understand how someone can be or feel a certain way, that it can't be so. Imagine if someone came up to you and said, "Well, I can't understand how ANYONE could like women (or men, as the case may be), so obviously you're making it up, and you and your girlfriend (or boyfriend) are just pretending to like each other!" I can't say I believe you'd be all that happy about someone doubting your experience because of their own lack of comprehension.

At least in terms of sex and all that comes with it, asexuals aren't hurting anyone, so why all the dislike for them? Is it just because it's not considered "normal" to be so? I find it odd, how little understanding there is for those who don't fit the norm in several respects on a board that's more or less dedicated to those who feel they're on the "wrong planet." Just as many of you would like to see NTs accept you and not question the validity of your experience, I think I speak for many other asexuals as well as myself when I say that I would like to see acceptance of this form of difference as well.


Well said.


M.


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For those who seek an alternative, it is coming.

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