confusion about mixed signals

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Hi all,
I'm really really in need of advice. I'm an NT in her 20s who has recently fallen very hard for an aspie guy. We've been friends for about 3 weeks and since we met we've kept daily contact, through instant messenger, phone, and hanging out. It was one of those very fast friendships because I think that when we met, we had both been in a state of loneliness for quite some time and needed to connect with a kindred spirit. Also, we share a similar sense of weird humor so we tend to keep each other cracking up and get along quite well. When we're together it's as if we're kids hanging out and goofing around. Anyway, when we first started hanging out it didn't seem that hooking up was even in the picture, but gradually we started doing what I can only construe as very subtle flirting...well, it was flirting on my end, but I'm not quite so sure it was on his. By light flirting I mean calling him cute or asking him if I can stay over when I'm in town (we live in different cities). His reactions to these range from not reacting to a simple "ok" or "yeah". Basically, I have no freaking clue as to how he feels about me. Sometimes he seems interested, like he sometimes gets very excited to see me or talk with me on the phone. He's called me very cute before and even drew a sketch of me as a gift. Other times he seems very indifferent like he doesn't care if I fell out of his life or not. It wavers between these two and I'm so confused I want to break down with frustration. I've never been interested in an aspie before and have dated only NT guys so I don't know what to make of his reactions or his behavior toward me. The NT guys I've dealt with in the past were straightforward, assertive and generally overt about their interest) Yes, I know all aspie guys are not the same, but perhaps some of the guys have been in a similar situation can offer me any insight on what might be going on here? I want this guy to be my boyfriend, and I feel I'm giving him the opportunity, but at the same time I feel very vulnerable because the times when he acts indifferent to me are very hurtful. Unless I know for sure that he feels the same way about me I don't want to take the risk of confessing to him my feelings and possibly getting rejected. What should I do??

Maybe he's taking you for granted (the indifference) as a form of letting down his guard (trust) due to a comfort level (trust/love) of not having to constantly please/entertain/cater to you.

That didn't come out quite right.

His brain might need that type of down time-while with you; as, while you are gone that is what it does.

It might be something of the nesting side of the coin on his end. And you two will have to find a balance to be (ONE). So...

This abstractedness of an actual solid pair issue without being addressed...can equally devestate the both of you.

I reccomend showing him your post, so he has your concrete feelings on paper.

I would say he has the same uncertainty you do. That's always been my problem.
I think he's interested in you. Drawing a sketch of you is like something out of a movie. You're his inspiration. And as for the flirting, I don't think we aspies are as casual in when we do that sort of thing as NTs are. I think his flirting means something.

As for his occasional indifference, don't take it personally. Sometimes we can become detached, because our logic and emotions are separate.
He could just be afraid to show his feelings for the same reason you are. Romance is scary, and being autistic makes it more scary.

I think you should take the chance.
I look back at my life and I see several chances I had for romance, but I was too oblivious to catch hints and no one would be straightforward.

Ok, so he called you very cute, he drew you a sketch which means he "wasted"(For lack of better words) at least an hour or so. When you two are together you act like kids. Um, yeah, this is what you call ATTRACTION! Its called comfortable.

On the flip side he has times where he "seems" indifferent to you. He responds in short answers like yeah or ok.

Umm, sorry if this "seems" simple to me, but I am on the spectrum and you arent, chalk it up to experience. He MOST LIKELY digs you. Ive never met the guy, never heard his side of the story. But by your description, it reminds me of me before I got into the military.

Simply put, he just doesnt know what to do!! ! He definitly doesnt want to drive you away being to serious, but he's done what he feels will be seen as flirting. He drew a picture of you, that means he was thinking about you.

Unless that picture had devil horns and a pitchfork, or a scowl on your face(for any reason other than you've made it at him in that whole "why you little" joke anger attitude), you're in good terms.

I wouldnt say you have feelings for him, but I'd put it more in terms of INTREST. You're intrested in learning more about him, you want to spend more time together to have more fun with him. Ask him if he'd like to see you more often, do more together. If he says yes to that, then say something like, well when are you gonna ask me to be your girlfriend? If he says no, you let it go for a little bit.

Also understand that he has prolly been thrown around by girls, and not in a good way! We aspies do not get clung onto, or swooned for. We dont have a flock of seagulls trying to eat bread out of our hand. We dont even have a girl who says you look cute to us, 9 out of 10 times. We are seen as wierd, different, not as intriguing or intresting. He's shy, and inexperienced from what I read here.

Dont throw yourself at him to quickly or in one move, take it in baby steps. Do you want to spend more time with me? If yes than say, ask me to be your girlfriend then! Something that pushes him forward gently yet in the direction you wish to go. You're a woman, time to start acting like one. The good ones GET THEIR MAN, not get rescued by them.

The showing him the post idea sounds like a good one. Either way I would suggest telling him. One of you two are going to have to take that step, and if you both sit on the sidelines sending slightly frightened glances at each other the time will pass by.

If you look at things from his side, saying that someone is "cute" could mean absolutely nothing. It could be just something you say or he could be in that wonderful "friends" category. You probably have done many other of those "flirting" things, however it might have just went over his head. On the other hand, him calling you cute... ding ding ding, I see that as interested.

I would really suggest you tell him. And be straight about it (without being pushy). There is a good chance you will loose out if you don't.

Guess what dear? He's TERRIFIED of losing you. That last line you shared is all i need to know this. He doesnt want to ruin what he has at this point and would rather keep you as a friend then try to scare you off with his past.

And just because someone draws or writes, doesnt mean they'll TAKE REQUESTS! In fact, a lot of writers and artists I know HATE being asked to do something for someone else. They feel its a waste of thier time quite frankly. I dont mind doing it as much(Im a rhyming poet), and it COULD be that he was trying to be a good friend.

I highly doubt it though! He called you cute, that means he's attracted. He finished a task you set him on, instead of blowing you off(and aspies can be VERY FORGETFUL/BIG PROCRASTINATORS). And He keeps you laughing and vice versa.

At this point, you have no reason NOT TO TRY. If you dont try soon enough, he could become intrested in someone else(albeit unlikely) or feel you put him in (as you called it) the friend zone. As I said before, just take it in small steps, and be persistent. Ask if he wants to spend more time together, If he says yes, say ask me to be your girlfriend then. If He says no, pay attention to how he phrases it. He Is DEFINITLY SHY. HE DOESNT KNOW WHAT TO DO. TAKE THE LEAD.

I've been married to a man with AS for the last 10 years ( together longer).
There are some things you might find helpful

1. Do not expect him to guess or know what you are feeling/thinking - unless you tell him.
2. If you want to know how he feels about something - give him time to answer, give him time to think about it.
3. If he is under stress or anxious - recognise that you will most likely not get the answers that you are looking for if you are trying to talk to him
4. Let him know with an "I" statement , how you are feeling about things if you are having a difference of opinion ( if you stay involved with him that is sure to happen. e.g I feel upset when you do not respond when I have asked you a question. I would really like you to acknowledge that I've said something , even if you do not have a response right now ", That would be helpful for me.
5. He may adore you, but may have trouble expressing that through words, and will need a bit more alone time than NT males.
6. I love my AS husband, and for all the kinks we have to work through regularly it is still worth it. I have a wonderful unique, intelligent and quirky husband

Another story about NT girl confused about her Aspie guy and asking about him.

I wondering ...just wondering , why there is still not even one single case in the other way around.

I couldn't have said this better myself: