Romantic Instincts Wrong?

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How useful are your instincts in attracting persons of the sex you're attracted to? For me, they don't seem very useful. My instinct, of course, is to seek out their company, talk to them, and be helpful to them. Some women don't like this, though; and some even seem to like me less for it. It sometimes happens that they like this kind of stuff at first but then grow to dislike it.

I have often overheard other students talk about or with their significant others, and they often have disagreements—usually of a pretty petty variety. For example, in the bathroom here in my dorm, they have "ten things girls wish guys knew about relationships" posted in the stalls as a sort of joke. For example, it says girls want guys to remember to call them. This is probably many girls' ideal, but girls might not even realize they don't really want this. Or most of the other stuff they'd like in some ideal boyfriend.

In actuality, it seems girls want to be dissatisfied, at least sometimes. Most often, the conversations I overhear are about jealousy: suspicion of cheating and how the things they'll do to remain faithful to each other. Or it might be some other petty conflict. The other person said something dumb, and now the other person is holding it against them for a while. By generating this conflict, they spark passions in each other and then resolve them together.

So what I'm saying is, if you're making progress towards starting a relationship, intentionally do things "wrong" sometimes. If your significant other's birthday is coming up and you know it, pretend you completely forgot about it. She'll be angry and disappointed probably, but you guys will be talking to each other for a few days, working it out. Then you'll both like each other even more—at least I take it that's how it works.

You may find it comes naturally to always have good things to say about the person you love, to remember important things, to figure out creative ways of reminding them how much they mean to you, to forgive misunderstandings, to trust them, etc.; but this isn't an aspie world; it's an NT one; and NTs can really be nonsensically petty sometimes. Also, part of their relationship with you is something to talk about with their friends. Relationships, practically, are not ends in and of themselves. They're just another way of passing the time. Also, they're some weird way of resolving old psychological conflicts. People, even nice people, often treat their significant others in ways they'd never think of treating plain old friends.

A lot of times girls will say they want one thing but really want another thing. For instance, girls might say they want a guy who's nice but then they'll really be attracted to a jerk and want to be "just friends" to a guy. I don't know for sure if guys do the same thing.

i think girls will want you more a lot of the time if you act less interested.

I have romantic instincts?

Some females are going to hangaround the "wrong" males no matter what. They have a self-esteem problem, or perhaps a judgement problem. Being female and I cant speak for all of us, but if a guy is intrested its noce for him to show it, but not come on too strong.

Data did something very similar in one hysterically funny eprisode of Star Trek- he purpose argues with his human girlfriend to build passion.

It didn't work.

So when i argue with pretty much everyone am i trying to build passion? I had no idea i was such a manipulator of romance. Or prettier words to that effect.

My past girlfriends have hear and there have told Me that I have a lot of passion but not romantic enough for them in the end. I have had many women that wanted to change Me into something else whatever that something is I never stand around to find out either.

I read the an amazing book today about relationships.
The Invisible Partners by John A. Sanford.
The book was written in 1979, so it should be available in most college libraries.
It is short 118 pages, and definately worth reading.

John A. Sanford is a Jungian and Episcopal priest.
The book deals with cross gender relationships along with the role of the anima and animus.

According to this theory, the trick to getting a women interested in dating you is to get her to project her subconcious male onto you, and don't let her waiver. For women it is of course the opposite.

This could be one reason why women get mad when men get passive.
A man does not have to be an ass, he just has to act masculane.
A woman has to act feminine.
Or the illusion is shattered.

Of course I am being overly simplistic.
I recommend getting the book and reading it.

Yeah, I tried something similar with my robot girlfriend once too. It didn't work either.

Well more than anything else that was my roundabout/obscure way of trying to imply that I hope NH is being tongue in cheek again because arguing on purpose in order to get the other person mad is a dumb thing to do, especially for an Aspie as we might not be as good at repairing.

"Why did you break up?"

"We had this horrible argument."

"Why were you fighting?"

"Because I thought it would improve the relationship."

My romantic instincts are illegal.