"Someone For Everyone": Wisdom or BS?

Page 1 of 3 [ 35 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2, 3  Next

Cyberman
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Apr 2008
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,736
Location: hibernating

25 Sep 2008, 5:40 pm

I'm just curious as to why so many people say "There's someone out there for everyone" like it's some kind of great wisdom or law of nature, yet they fail to provide any evidence for it. Not only that, but it also contradicts another popular phrase in our culture: "Nice guys finish last." Well, if you believe that nice guys finish last, then logically, you cannot believe that there's "someone for everyone," right? Because nice guys are part of "everyone."

So my question is: if you do believe that there truly is someone out there for everyone, what evidence do you have for believing that?



crackedpleasures
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 13 Oct 2007
Age: 43
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,367
Location: currently Belgium, longing for the Middle East

25 Sep 2008, 6:10 pm

I have no evidence, but I believe in it. I cannot believe nobody in such an overpopulated world is really unfit to be loved by anyone. I have no evidence to back my claim, but I strongly believe anyone can find love.


_________________
Do what Thou wilt shal be the whole of the Law.
Love is the Law, Love under Will. And...
every man and every woman is a star
(excerpt from The Book of the Law - Aleister Crowley)

"Od lo avda tikvateinu" (excerpt from the Israeli hymn)


Fnord
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 6 May 2008
Gender: Male
Posts: 60,939
Location:      

25 Sep 2008, 6:16 pm

Any two reasonable strangers can share resources and living quarters - and maybe even enjoy bumping uglies with each other occassionally. Then again, it's like that old Annie Lennox song...

"Everybody's looking for something.
Some of them want to use you.
Some of them want to get used by you.
Some of them want to abuse you.
Some of them want to be abused
."

If you're willing to put up with someone else's BS, and they're willing to put up with yours, then you have a relationship. Not the best kind perhaps, but a relationship nonetheless!



Cyberman
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Apr 2008
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,736
Location: hibernating

25 Sep 2008, 6:34 pm

I was under the impression that it meant you could tolerate each other's BS forever, which is difficult even for families. So yes, there are plenty of potential failed relationships, but lasting ones? I doubt there are many. If it weren't for my parents' relationship, I might not even believe that such relationships existed.



aeroz
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Nov 2007
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 500

25 Sep 2008, 6:44 pm

Is there someone for everyone? Probably, doesn't mean you will find that person.

Actually even then, unless there is exactly as many guys as girls (not even close) it isn't even possible.

Now you cant prove or disprove it, but I can prove that there are lots of people that live and die never knowing love. Because it has happened... seems to be mostly aspies at that



Fnord
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 6 May 2008
Gender: Male
Posts: 60,939
Location:      

25 Sep 2008, 6:54 pm

Myabe you'll never find the perfect companion, but you'll find an abundance of people that are "good enough" ... maybe not Ms. Right but Ms. Right-Now.



Postperson
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 9 Jul 2004
Age: 67
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,023
Location: Uz

25 Sep 2008, 7:01 pm

I think its a feel good statement meant to reassure. I don't think there's someone for everyone, I think it's like god says in the bible, some I choose to be single, some I choose to be married...or something like that.



pbcoll
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 14 Feb 2007
Age: 42
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,892
Location: the City of Palaces

25 Sep 2008, 7:34 pm

I'm with Fnord and Cyberman. Most people prefer anything (other than being with a 'weirdo', a category that includes most aspies) to being alone, so they just find someone they can tolerate and that can tolerate them, and often not even that hence the divorce rate. Sure, in a world of billions there probably exist a few people you could really click with (and the billions argument is the only argument the people that say there's someone for everyone actually have)- but if they're a few among billions you are very unlikely to ever come across them at all, much less get to know them. Most people never have a soulmate, and a person who is your soulmate now might not be in a few years (because people do change with time, an we don't live in a fairy tale).

Like Fnord quotes:

Quote:
Everybody's looking for something.
Some of them want to use you.
Some of them want to get used by you.
Some of them want to abuse you.
Some of them want to be abused.


_________________
I am the steppenwolf that never learned to dance. (Sedaka)

El hombre es una bestia famélica, envidiosa e insaciable. (Francisco Tario)

I'm male by the way (yes, I know my avatar is misleading).


KenM
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Oct 2005
Age: 56
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,491
Location: Mass. USA

25 Sep 2008, 7:41 pm

I used to think that there was someone for everyone. But now I think its total BS.



LILI
Blue Jay
Blue Jay

User avatar

Joined: 11 May 2008
Age: 47
Gender: Female
Posts: 99

25 Sep 2008, 10:04 pm

BS!
After years of being single, I am now thinking that I ll simply become a good old crazy cat lady.



AutisticMalcontent
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

User avatar

Joined: 29 May 2008
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 459

25 Sep 2008, 11:03 pm

I do believe there is someone for everyone, but that the likelihood of meeting such a person is very slim. I think in the end we settle for less than we wanted romantically, because it is better to have some semblance of love than to live your life alone. Nice guys do finish last, unless they are charismatic or unless there is a nice girl who is into nice guys. I think the only time where nice guys will be appreciated is later in life, say 25 years and up. I have heard of accounts of guys being up into their late thirties and still lonely and without love. There is no such idea as a "soulmate" or a "perfect mate", to be honest, in the same manner you could be attracted and fall in love with one woman, you could have fallen in love with a different woman just as easily. The sickening irony is that we look for the perfect mate, and there is no perfect mate. But I believe that compatibility wise, there is a guy for every girl and a girl for every guy, although the liklihood of it occuring is rather slim, as I have previously stated.



Belfast
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Jul 2005
Age: 52
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,802
Location: Windham County, VT

26 Sep 2008, 8:41 am

Am trying to remind myself that the word is "some", rather than "all" or "none".
As in, I keep feeling extreme-that "everyone" dislikes me & that "no one" will ever be interested in, attracted to, me.
Or that I'll never find someone to whom I'm attracted or have interest in.
Yet, logically, it seems more likely that "some" people will like me & I will like "some" people.
It's incredibly difficult for me to retain/maintain these moderate (rather than all-or-nothing) thought patterns.
As I put it in post on other forum:

Belfast wrote:
Basic & obvious as these concepts sound/seem, I'm struggling to keep in mind:
"some" is not the same as "all", nor "none'
"some" counts, even though it's neither "all" nor "none".

As in: there are some people who do (or would) like me-and I do (or would) like some people.
Fact that all people don't like me doesn't mean there's nobody who likes me.
Fact that I don't like all people doesn't mean I don't like anybody.
Black & white, all-or-nothing thinking, is significant obstacle I frequently stumble over.

Then there's problem of getting "whoever I am" together with "whomever I might be mutually compatible with". My anxieties interfere with meeting new people, then I fall back into my insecurities about self, even though the few people who know me (and like me a lot) tell me that there really are others out there who would like me, if only there were opportunity for us to become acquainted.
Back to my longer post on this from other forum:
Belfast wrote:
On some level I know better-still get hung up on (snagged by) unproductive thoughts, caught in circle/cycle of at least three rotating bases of rumination (obsessive, depressing fixations).

It's triple-headed hydra, in that as soon as one section/aspect is handled, addressed, dealt with (which is only temporary reprieve)-another one comes up & attacks me, and pretty soon the next one. Then the original one roars back to life & I'm in full-fledged panic, besieged on all fronts at once.

The 3 interacting (and revolving/switching, in turn) variables are:
1. Self.
2. Other person.
3. Connecting 1 & 2.

1. Feeling poorly about own physical exterior depiction & mental interior reflection, how others perceive me & whether or to what degree they "like" me. Fear of rejection.
2. Feeling dubious about being interested in & attracted to another person (mind & body-not just one or the other), worried there's no one out there that I would genuinely "like". Fear of rejecting.
3. Feeling hopeless as to possible methods to get self and "some unknown person" to cross paths, be in same place at same time-let alone, communicate & get to know each other (recognize each other as people who might mutually enjoy interfacing).

Apologize for how long this comment is, but needed to 'get it all out' in one place.
Can't answer definitively if there is "someone for everyone"-can only try not to lose hope, and consider it to be possible (which of course doesn't relieve/comfort, while one is "uncoupled").


_________________
*"I don't know what it is, but I know what it isn't."*


ToadOfSteel
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 23 Sep 2007
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,157
Location: New Jersey

26 Sep 2008, 9:28 am

The fact that not everyone wants someone (as in asexuals) means that the OP's statement is BS...



LePetitPrince
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Mar 2006
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,464

26 Sep 2008, 12:13 pm

It's not true, many people die single and even virgin.



HD3H
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 22 Sep 2008
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,755
Location: Denmark

26 Sep 2008, 12:24 pm

Maybe there is someone for everyone



Since
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 29 Jul 2007
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 149

26 Sep 2008, 3:35 pm

LePetitPrince wrote:
It's not true, many people die single and even virgin.

That doesn't mean they had to, just unlucky or uninterested.