16 year old friend.....who's onto me? O.O

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I'm just not sure, but I'll explain this anyway. I have a friend, who we've met while practicing and performing Seussical the Musical. Ever since then we've been talking to each other on IM a lot. She seems to want to talk to me every time I'm online, yet she can't visit me too often because we live a few miles away from each other.

Even so, she seems attracted to me. I'm just not sure a 16 year old would be suitable for me, though (I'm 21). Still, would a relationship be ok as long as I wait a few years and still talk to her? Right now she doesn't have enough privileges concerning her age, but if she's older would that be ok? Man......

This is a question that I have been wondering a lot about... I would say... Approach with extreme caution!! I think it really depends on the girl's emotional maturity to decide if its okay... But if in doubt (at all) don't

I would say judge by the kind of person she is, not her age. If the two of you are good together, then age probably isn't that big a deal.

There are a couple of concerns, though. First, would it be legal if you two were to go out? The age of consent is higher than 16 some places, and even if you don't plan on having sex you could end up in some trouble.

And second, your future plans might differ. Is she planning on going to college after she finishes school? Would it be okay with you if she did? What if that meant it was a long-distance relationship? That's a hard thing to handle.

I'm probably biased about this, because I met my wife when I was 17 and she was 21.
She was just finishing college and I was just starting. We had a long distance relationship for several years. It did work out in the end, but it was a very difficult trip, and I think you should keep that in mind. An age difference of 5 years isn't insurmountable, but it probably will take a lot of effort to stay together.

Jeremy

I'd definately want to break everything off in this situation and find somebody else. If you continue, you will only hurt yourself and her (emotionally) in the best case scenario, or wind up in jail as a convicted Felon, and upon release having to register as a sex offender, with your mugshot in a sex offender database for the entire www to look at. --Ask yourself.... is it worth it in the long run?

On the other hand, it may lead to something wonderful and long lasting, but to me, the stakes are too high to really want to take any chances, and be proven wrong.

Well, not as a general rule. I know one person who did that, but they were near herculean in their display of love/devotion/sappiness, and frankly I think they were too obsessive about it, especially when the police said they would convict him as a sexual predator if he so much as sent her an instant message for 4 years straight.

I mean, I just don't get why people would keep beating against the wall like that, even if they are in the right morally. It's a whole lot of time and trouble, and a huge amount of danger if her parents want to be as*holes, even if you don't have any intimate contact. I'll keep lobbying our nation for a kinder system of youth sexuality than the cruel oppression that exists today, but we're not off the Puritan farm into the woods yet.

Most laws say if she's 18, you could be 60 and nobody gets to complain. Before that, parents can make boyfriend's lives Hell. Thank our primitive concept of "coming of age" for that. My advice would be that a 5 year gap is uncommon, though not unsurmountable. Stay friends with her and try to see what kind of people her parents are, and try not to do anything together that your grandmother couldn't talk to your little sister about.

And above all, ask her what she thinks. I mean jeez--the whole thing is a non-issue if she isn't ready to go into a long distance relationship with you. (2 years distant in the future.) You also might want to talk about the laws in your area, find out what they say about parental consent and marriagable age.

Oh, and don't marry. Get a civil union with custom vows. But I tell that to everyone.

I had a similar relationship. She was 15 and I was 20. Went out for about a year. Turned out basically all she wanted was to be able to tell her friends she was dating a college guy. Towards the end of her senior year, she all of a sudden wanted to be just friends. About that same time, I met the most beautiful, easy to talk to girl I've ever known. Married her within a year. That was 18 years ago and it seems like yesterday.