handling arguments/emotive discussion

Post Reply New Topic

Been lurking for a while now, but I need to post.

I find it really difficult to express emotion. I've spent my life withdrawing into myself to avoid feeling the pain/hurt from other people.

Now when I have an argument with my BF (very very rarely - I avoid arguing), I get so caught up in the emotion that I end up leaving the house and walking around the streets and just trying to deal with what happened.

I guess it could be described as switching off to external stimulus. No talking, don't eat etc. Its not the "silent treatment". I just feel unable to deal with it and just feel so hurt inside.

We had an argument last night over the phone. We were supposed to be spending the evening together as he is going away for the weekend. Instead he went and did something else. I was upset, and it ended up with him telling me I need to adjust my attitude.

I ended up just sitting outside in the dark... couldn't go inside. He eventually came out and managed to get me back inside.

I've finally found someone that understands that I"m weird, but doesn't mind. He does complain that I don't express my emotions and I don't ever tell him how much I care. I guess its to avoid being hurt.

I don't want to drive him away. He is the only person in the world who really knows me, and I totally trust him and can be myself. (instead of the acting I do every day at work)

I don't know if anyone can help, but I really needed to just get it out. He is coming back tomorrow and I just don't know how I'm supposed to react.

You have to take these things slowly.

You can start small and build up for it. The next time he tells you how much he loves you, how he feels for you or whatever, you say to him that you wish you could express how you felt to him, or 'you know that if I could tell you how I felt, I would.' That's kind of... telling him without telling him.

I'm a little confused. How could you have had an argument over the phone but then he came out of the house and got you back inside?

JohnHopkins' suggestion is quite good.

Your post, kahlua, was well-written. If you cannot express how you feel for him verbally, then I would suggest writing it all down and essentially handing him a love letter. As an NT, I would find that a romantic gesture while getting an idea at the same time of how my aspie boyfriend or girfriend really feels about me.

I read a book where the wife was NT and the husband AS, and in this case, it was the NT wife who would write letters everytime she would try to get something emotional across to her husband. But there's no rule on why the aspie partner (or both partners!) cannot do the letter-writing as well.

Good luck.

I guess I missed a step.. He came home while I was out...


I'll try the note writing.... Although its difficult to use in midst of an argument.