Verbal-Nonverbal Contradiction

Post Reply New Topic

Sometimes women (and probably some men too) give men mixed signals, sometimes verbal contradictions, but sometimes their words contradict their body language. Now I am much more comfortable with verbal language than body language, but sometimes even I have noticed this contradiction. For example, a woman may claim to hate you, but her body language indicates strong flirtatious behavior (for an aspie, this nonverbal behavior would have to be pretty obvious). How is one to determine which one is "correct"?

That particular one's easy. Often a girl will say "I hate you" jokingly when she means she likes you (could be as a friend, or more - but don't assume it's more). If the body language is really obvious, then probably go with what you can understand from that. If you can't, just ask them what they mean, and if they're joking they'll tell you normally - unless they have a cruel streak, as some people do.

My friends often have to explain to me when they're being sarcastic, and they've gotten so used to doing it that often immediately after one of them makes a sarcastic comment someone will explain it to me, even if I'd actually understood the sarcasm of the comment that time!

eg.

I: "Wow, I just LOVE the vomit coloured goo they've served us tonight."
Me: "Ha-"
L: "By the way, he was being sarcastic Caitlin."
Me: "Yeah. Think I got that one."

If a woman says, "I hate you," but has her hand down the front of your pants, her verbal remark can be taken as facetious.

there are plenty of times when this behavior is not in joking.

i think this is more what the poster is interested in knowing.

and how is it that people that seem to be constantly angry with others showing much contempt for them maintain a situation that they have friends who care about them dearly, enough to put up with their problematic attitudes. im not quite sure if this is related but it did come to mind.

i have an idea that there are those that show much contempt and hostility towards eachother and somehow manage to become closer through this.

Non verbal is often contradictory. Or more precisely non-verbal is not the same message as verbal although they may overlap. And it is not just women it is everyone.

There is not point complaining, because people aren't aware of their non verbal communication, it is subconscious.

Also non verbal communication is not cut and dry, it is animal behaviour. There is a thin line between a nervous dog that bites its owner’s hand, because the owner is not at ease with their pack role (which they can detect), and the dog that walk comfortably behind, a comfortable owner.

So someone can be flirtatious and quickly turn into non-flirtatious because you haven't communicated in the right way.

I don't think everything you read on body language is accurate, and it is not possible to fake everything.

I just go on verbal, because with with body-language you're always at risk of projecting meaning onto it.
That is, if the situation's not as stark as slowmutant's. Then I'd probably risk inferring a thing or two.