The secrets to finding true love

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As most of you will remember, I first found this forum around the time I first hooked up with the love of my life...she and I are still together, and are growing stronger together every day. It's been over 7 months now.

I've learned many things in the world of dating that I'd like to share- and btw, I agree with a few people on this forum about why women are turned off from "nice guys"...it actually makes perfect sense to me. I used to be a lot nicer and more passive with people than I am now. I still am a BIT passive, but have a "take no prisoners" personality...that changed a lot of things.

Anyway, here are some things I can definitely say-

Don't try being someone you're not- seriously. The opposite sex has to fall in love with YOU, not the person you're PRETENDING to be.

Do what it is you do- don't go out of your way to do things you wouldn't normally do- by this, I don't mean stay in your mom's basement all the time, trying to FINALLY get to that last level of Pac Man on the Atari- I mean, if you're a gamer, don't go to Shay Stadium to try to find someone. If you're a Trekkie, don't waste time going to floozy bars, or those "awesome parties with drunk hotties who will bang you in a heartbeat". Just do what YOU DO. Chances are, the right one will share the same values you do, and you'll likely find him/her doing what you already do- I found my love where I work. She and I share similar values there. My room-mate found his woman in an online forum; makes sense, as he's a computer nut.

The REAL reason most people will give you all the same general advice about dating is {drumroll} they don't know the real answers, either! They just go thru the motions, and somehow it all works out...but I assure you- they have NO idea what they're doing right and why it's working. That might also explain why the divorce rate in my country is so incredibly high...

Another thing to consider- most people have no clue what they want out of life...which is why they also have midlife crises. Do they bring this clueless mindset into the world of dating with them? UN-QUESTIONABLY!

If you have any questions, do feel free to lmk.

And just remember- yer an Aspie. 99.9999999999999999999999999999999999% of the population will automatically be turned off from you, just cause you're so different. Take note- I said 99.99999999999999999999999999999999999999999% of the population...there's still that 1% that won't be; that 1% is all you need. Being an Aspie saves you from all the time, money, and confusion wasted on all the wrong ones, because the wrong ones won't touch you with a ten foot pole. Just remember that.

You mean that 00.000000000000000000000000000000000000000001%

your thread was very encouraging till the 99.9999999999999999999999999999999999%. I was going to faint after reading that.

Yeah, essentially it means you're unlikely to meet, over the course of your lifetime, even one person who isn't turned off. And if you're not turned on by that person or it doesn't work out, then good luck finding another.

wanna stop with all this negativity s**t? seriously, thinking this way will only do you in and make your life even more unbearable...ok, the odd's may be lower than your standard charming hunk, but i'm sure it's no where near as high as 99.99999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999% not wanting to date you.x

I agree with the Doctor

Especially about pretense.

So... we meet AGAIN... Doctor.

But let me get this straight... my obsession with FPS games is going to somehow lead me to the girl of my dreams?? I don't think so!

However, I agree that one shouldn't try to be "fake" in dating, otherwise the person will only fall in love with your "fake" self.

you wait, the girl of your dreams will come along one day, frag your ass x100 and then teabag you for good measure, and that day you will feel true romance, my friend.

XD

Thats why online dating is so useful for us Aspies. It allows us to meet people we otherwise wouldnt run into IRL.
BTW, I concur with the OP. Good advice Doctor82 !

Thanks... I haven't had a good laugh in a while...

PS: nice avatar...

How... poetic.

Be in love with yr life

In our case we have to be, do that and find as much meaning in other aspects. The trouble with being on spectrum, even if you have it all as well together as a person possibly could - the little things like facial expressive nuance and the like (things that literally aren't fixable) put us in a place where we can't expect normal outcomes for effort nor can we really expect anything in the relationship world to be fair unless we want to tare ourselves to pieces and feel like victims - the later historically made me too sick, used to throw me emotionally out of whack, and I realized I deserved much better of myself.

You are right about the not pretending part. Midlife crisis occurs because we grow as a person in life and may find that we want to change our direction. Finally, if 1 in 150 people have AS I think the chance of finding someone is better than 1%. I think people should focus on growing as a person and don't bother to think about finding someone until after they are 30. If it happens great, if not you are not wasting precious time.

Yes, that percentage is absolute nonsense. Don't take that for nothing.

The odds increase if you pretend to be someone other than yourself. I don't suggest you take on an alter ego because like the wiser men said here, you'll wind up in some mid life crisis wondering who you are and how you got there and resenting your wife for not loving the real you.
Most importantly, you'll fail in your personal development and be a stunted version of your former self.

"Be yourself, everyone else is already taken."
Oscar Wilde