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norwegianman1972
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10 Oct 2008, 11:00 am

A NT male friend of mine says that if you shall have a chance on a girl you have to become her boyfriend relatively fast after getting to know her. I dont remember the "time limit" he mentioned, but what his point was that if you remained just friends for too long, she would not see you as a potential boyfriend.

Is this true? I thought they liked to get to know the person quite well first?



LiendaBalla
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10 Oct 2008, 11:31 am

I don't think that's true. And yes, it's better, and safer, for the relationship if people know each other, in my oppinion.



lotusblossom
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10 Oct 2008, 11:39 am

people do say this often and say "beware the friend zone", but I think people who say this are imature jerks.

Having had 2 long term relationships which both resulted in kids, I think its very important to know someone well and to know that you can tollerate them (and they you) for the long term. If not you risk ending up with someone you dont like well enough to stay with and its terrible for kids to go through divorse.

The people who Ive met who are still maried after years are each others best friends and I think they are the ones to imitate not jerks who actually dont have any girlfriend.

If a girl doesnt want you for a partner then she is not right for you. The one who is to be your partner will think your great, say yes to a date and be happy being friends first, anyone who rejects you is just is not the "one".



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10 Oct 2008, 11:59 am

norwegianman1972 wrote:
A NT male friend of mine says that if you shall have a chance on a girl you have to become her boyfriend relatively fast after getting to know her. I dont remember the "time limit" he mentioned, but what his point was that if you remained just friends for too long, she would not see you as a potential boyfriend.

Is this true? I thought they liked to get to know the person quite well first?



In my experience, this it 100% correct. If a woman is attracted to you than it becomes pretty clear during, say, the 1st month that you guys are getting to know each other. If you dont seize the day when an oppertunity presents itself, than after any length of time its pretty much too late. IME, people in "the friend zone" ALWAYS remain in the friend zone and that is NOT a useful strategy for hooking up. This tends to be less true when you're a teenager and/or when you're in college, but past that point thats pretty much how the mating game is played.



Ishmael
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10 Oct 2008, 12:04 pm

Actually, that is very true. Males must show some form of pursuent interest, it's typical human psychology. As much as many women may say they prefer to be friends first, if there is no apparent interest, than the male actually occupies the same considerations as a female within the womans brain - that's simply how the brain works.
The so-called "time limit" is before a non-pursuent image holds itself within the womans mind. So, in truth, when woman say they want to be friends first, that doesn't literally mean friend then lover, even if often the woman feels it may - self analysis is a strong point of few people - really, the best course is an open and friendly attitude alongside an aggressive pursuent basis.


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makuranososhi
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10 Oct 2008, 2:57 pm

norwegianman1972 wrote:
A NT male friend of mine says that if you shall have a chance on a girl you have to become her boyfriend relatively fast after getting to know her. I dont remember the "time limit" he mentioned, but what his point was that if you remained just friends for too long, she would not see you as a potential boyfriend.

Is this true? I thought they liked to get to know the person quite well first?


-Can- be true, but it isn't an absolute. In my current relationship, we knew each other for eight years prior to getting involved. We had been friends, had gone on a couple "dates" when we were first met and were in the same city, but our friendship, relationship, and romance blossomed out of a spark we each felt, but kept at bay for years and years. Rules are arbitrary, and usually only apply to the person writing them, at least in full effect.


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10 Oct 2008, 3:08 pm

I totally disagree with this statement. I would truly like to have male friends, and have the feeling that I´m getting to know them and consequently choosing them as much as they are choosing me. As it is, with men it seems to be "all or nothing"; either they want something totally serious far too soon, or they don´t want to have anything to do with me. From where I stand, these seem to be "snap decisions". I wish people would lighten up, relax, and take a little more time. But everyone seems to be hell-bent on finding their soul mate yesterday.

Anyway, this is my opinion, for what it´s worth. But I realize I probably think differently about these things than others...


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