Frigid.....

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Hey people

If you remember (or not) i posted a thread about me not kissing my GF for the whole time we dated (3 years!) and we still are but i can only kiss her on the cheek at the rarest of times the most common thin that happens is me putting my arm round her.

This is fine in middle school when this was normal and kissing was considered discusting but now im in the last year of high school and nothing really has changed to be quite frank we a pretty much freinds calling ourselfes GF and BF but i dont want it to be this way cuz i like her so why cant i kiss her it makes no sense? my freind told me he went out with a girl and kissed her in the first week.... The first week!! it makes me feel like a failier in everyway when it comes to releationships i mean im not a bad person i love too hang around with her i like to see her ( i sometimes avoid her to give her space cuz i dont know when im crowding) but when it comes to anything more than a hug im stumped and everyone say it will happen naturally Bullsh*t to be honest now that i look back there have been plenty of times when i could have done it but didnt. why is it so hard she's had boyfreinds before and aparrantly done *it* with one of em but to me that seems impossible how could that have happend if she has never even mentioned kissing to me once throughout us dating?


Im confused and it really hurts becuse the otherday in school we where walking through the main hallway and everywhere you looked i could see people kissing and my GF was right next to me so i just stared at the floor in shame. she dosent really tell me her feelingsabout it really becuse i never ask and when i do she just says do it whenever when is whenever today tomorrow? three years down the line and im still waiting for a conformation date to that question (or whatever it is) but still what the use of complaining im really only here for advice of how and what i could do and the messages "grow some balls and just do it" really have no meaning because unlike most other kids at my school my balls dont control my mind like some sex crazed animal. all i want is a kiss i could go a lifetime and a half without anything more than that but its just so hard!! !

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Hi ,
Are you 15 or 18 years old ? I didn't quite get that , your profile says 15 but you said you were a senior in high school . Either way, you're young . Have you considered telling your girlfriend what you just told us ? You said that you and she had been together 3 years. That's a long time , especially at your age . It sounds as if she is also your friend . Maybe you could tell her in a note ? Maybe you could explain that you are nervous and would like her to be the one to kiss you ? I'll bet she would undestand . I think that it is a threshold issue . I think that because it is your first kiss , it's the one where you'll probably be the most nervous .

Failure means you did not achieve a goal. If kissing was not a goal, you did not fail.

That said, you seem rather torn up about it. I imagine I would be too, after three years. Don't do the alpha thing and just go for it; there's probably a reason it hasn't happened all that time. There's a decent chance you could look like a jerk and upset her. I would ask her about it - not like "can I kiss you?" but bring it up in conversation. "You know, It struck me the other day that in the years we've been together, we haven't kissed once." Downplay it, because you don't want to make her nervous about it, especially if she has some kind of reason. Also, you don't want too look obsessive. "We were together for three entire years, but at the end all he oculd think about was kissing!" Don't be that guy.

I don't think you should refer to your girlfriend as 'frigid'. It's a very cruel word to call someone whom you supposedly care about.

If kissing means to much to you, talk to her about it, otherwise what are you doing that 's so different from her?

I wasnt refering to my girlfreind being frigid i was refering to myself as its my fault we havent kissed and yes i always consider her feelings even too much so i always ask her if she is ok i love her of course i want to know whenever she is feeling down so i can cheer her up as for the dating thing i have arranged many dating with the though of kissing her but i always end up freaking out at the last minute and saying to myself maybe next time.

But yeah i do beleive i am frigid and i will openly admit it to her and anyone who suspects it i mean its blatently obvious that i am but still i keep looking for an ideal moment and hope i dont chicken out again

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Um, you aren't frigid. You're young and just don't know what to do.

Hey if you knew half of my freinds you would actually know how frigid i am cuz i can only kiss her on the cheek at the most awkward of moments.

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My recommendation to you:

Baby steps.

You are all torn up, feeling shame etc. so you clearly are all conflicted and not knowing what to do. "Just do it" isn't working. "Don't worry about it" isn't working either. So I will recommend a different path:

Baby steps.

You haven't lunged for her lips in 3 years and you clearly aren't about to tomorrow though you clearly feel shame at not having done so. Try this instead:

Kiss your own hand and put that hand on her shoulder or arm.

Kiss the top of her head.

Kiss her cheek- just a quick peck. (You already do this. Do it more.)

These steps get you over the "kiss" hurdle without being the full liplock that has you all worked up. Do those 3 things enough times and eventually a kiss on the lips will just seem like the next obvious thing to do instead of this big ominous thing you haven't done.

Thank you so much for your advice i welcome it with open arms and i think it was just what i needed to hear.

maybe the kiss your hand and put it on her may come acroos as creepy but i will definatly work on the kissing more often its all about the timeing but i just cant seem to detect when the right moment is i guess this will come naturally. and she will probably pick up on this and help me out a bit. ( i hope so anyway )

Thank you again for the advice im sure it will help me alot.

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My favorite letter is the squiggly! ~