I found porn pics of girls on boyfriends computer...

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You can choose to be okay with it or you can choose to test your boyfriend's skills at deception. These are your basic options. Acceptance or potential blissful ignorance. Keep in mind the following things, however. Porn does not mean any of the following.

1. He thinks those girls are prettier than you.

2. He doesn't love you.

3. He's planning to leave you.

4. He's probably a sociopath of some kind.

5. He's a sick twisted pervert and not at all a completely healthy male with an Internet connection.

6. He's planning to cheat on you.

7. He necessarily wants to do whatever sex acts are depicted in the porn he watches.

8. He's clearly untrustworthy.

9. He's going to be blind in a few years.

10. He's loaded the computer so chock-full of viruses that it will soon melt into a puddle of green circuitboard glue.

All men watch porn. The rest are lying. Select to believe in whatever reality suits you best.

-Frank

You read my mind.

is it really that big of a deal? alot of guys look at porn. i doubt hes gonna cheat on you with a porn pic, maybe you should start looking at porn to make him jelouse so you can say, "see how it feels? now will you stop?"

Except if he doesn't care about whether she looks at porn or not, in which case she would just be sending the message that it's completely okay... For all we know he could just be like "okay, now I don't have to work to keep her happy all the time, less I have to do..."

Not to be a complete ass, but why is it acceptable for you to determine whether or not he looks at porn? In his growing up, it might have been encouraged; it might have been forbidden which is why it is a draw for him now. Is it affecting your sex life? His ability to work? Is he not listening to you when you speak to him? You two need to talk, to compromise, instead of you dictating what your expectations are... otherwise, it's possible it will end up breaking the relationship - not just because he looks at porn, but because you have demands without compromise as well.


M.

I think my boyfriend looks at pictures of women in diapers and I don't care if he does.

Well of course females are not ok with it, after all, it makes the girls in the relationship feel unimportant and feel betrayed that a guy would sooner look at some naked gal he doesn't know than his own gf .

Pardon my moment of unsympathetic cruelty Here, I will explain to you why I think guys look at porn on the Internet and what you can do about it.

There are three reasons why I believe guys look at porn on the Internet while in a relationship, with one of them being rarely used. Here they are, listed in probability:

Most probable:

1. The guy knows he isn't going to marry or date a supermodel, or an equally attractive woman of that status. He knows he will have to settle for less, however he always has pornography and supermodels pictures on his computer to put him in a different frame of mind to sexually excite himself with his own fantasy that will never come true. I call it the "Boyband Syndrome".

I call it the "Boyband Syndrome" because it is something you girls are guilty of as well. There are certain male celebrities or guys in a popular band who girls fantasize about and think are dreamy and hot. For example, Johnny Depp or the late Heath Ledger. Girls will often have posters of these guys in their room, because it kind of is a surreal thing than their everyday lives. Of course with you girls, it is in a non-sexual way, usually. But guys are very sexually inclined, so we take it to the next level, with naked women to appetize our sexual needs. I don't condone pornography, but this explains why guys look at it, similar to you posting pictures of bands in your room that you dream about.

2. You are not fufilling your bf's romantic needs, and therefore he feels the need to resort to pornography to satisfy with sexual needs. This can be you not engaging your boyfriend in a sexual manner or it could be that you're not giving enough affection to him for him to have his needs satisfied. A lot of guys who have been single long periods of time without romantic affection turn to porn and masturbation to satisfy their physical (sexual) needs that aren't being met. Similarly, the exact same thing can happen in a relationship.

Least Probable

3. He is looking for "ideas" to enhance the sexual aspect of your relationship. You are young, or you sound like it, so I doubt you engage sexually often with this guy. So this is very unlikely.


Solutions:


1.) Shut down the factory- Basically tell him that if he continues to look at porn, you will shut down all romantic connections with him, being sexual or non sexual. You'll still be his gf, but you won't do anything physical romantic for him. That really should catch his attention, if he is smart. A guy would sooner have a partner romantically than spend his nights with his dick in his hand whacking off. You can monitor this via looking at his computer to make sure he stops.

This tactic is devious and evil, it is like a wife telling her husband that she will only have sex with him if he gets a vasectomy. For SEX, he will do it.

2.) Offer a reward- Tell him if he quits looking at porn, you'll be more willing to engage to the next level romantically, beyond simply making out, cuddling, and hugging. You don't have to offer the whole kitchen for his disposal, offer something that you are comfortable with doing. Now if you and your bf have already had sex, forget this option, because he knows he's already hand you there, and there isn't anything you can really offer him, well except sex, but that's risky too. Oh well

this reminds me of a funny story, i'll have to tell one of these days

So, can we hear it?

shure. this all went down when i was 18 or so, and lived with my mom and one of her husbands. they got the internet one day, and i have never been on it before so the first thing i did was wack off on teh computer to pornographic sites, anyways after i got done masturbating i soon lost all intrest in sex sites so i got off the computer. the next person that went online found out that they couldnt get online because the computer crashed! it had a virus, yes one of the sites i went to infected the new home computer with the pink slip virus jesus christ it was a nitemare, my stepdad basically knew who did it because he looked at the computers history. and i went to a couple of gay websites, a couple of straight ones and so fourth. well needless to say when i came back into the house i got bitched at because it took 4 or 5 hours to fix the computer. hahahaha

Lulz!

in lulz we trust

One problem I have with your reasoning is that you implicitly assume just because someone in a relationship finds someone else attractive, it means that they would rather be in a relationship with them. While I agree that a monogamous relationship is the only way to go, this is for pragmatic reasons rather than the belief that this is what naturally happens. I'm attracted to many women for many different reasons, and I can guarantee that this will remain even if I find myself in a relationship, but this would not necessarily affect my commitment. Even Jimmy Carter admitted it.

Another problem is that you consider masturbation to be a sign of lack of satisfaction in a relationship. I've already stated my position on this issue, I think.

Amen to that

That's not always true. I've been talking to quite a few people, including guys, on the issue as of late, and it actually is turning out many use porn because they are dissatisfied. Many of the other men don't seem to know what they want, and still some are very avoidant of their relationships and want to get away. These seem to be the most common reasons, even if they're not the only ones. It's been refreshing to see what's out there in the real world so far, though.

It's one thing for men to find other women attractive. In my relationship, I can see lots of attractive attributes to other men. But the moment I start straying in their direction, be it for another relationship or just because I may have some instinctual urge to procure their chromosomes for my offspring, doesn't mean that is' something I feel I should satisfy. I have found that, nine out of ten times or more, if I feel the urge to stray in that direction, it's because something is wrong in my relationship. Trust issues, bad sex, lack of communication, unstable bond, those are the things that do it, and that seems to go for my boyfriend and the others I've talked to about it.

I'm wondering if the men on here got into deep, intimate relationships, and became more 'in touch' with their emotions, if the urge to masturbate to fantasy women would be so strong as to be seen as necessary. I wish there was a way to find out.

The words of Jimmy Carter or any other person placed in a position of power aside, there seem to be quite a few people out there who find their mates more than good enough. It makes sense: one's real. Would there not be wiring in preference of that?

I'm not going to comment on whether the reasons AutisticMalcontent cited are the most common or the most likely, because I don't have the figures, and my issue is more with those being the only reasons and I'm sure there are plenty of counterexamples to that. When faced with such strong claims, I only need one counterexample.

Naively speaking I can see how this works, but your use of "straying" is vague. If watching porn or masturbating on one's own constitutes as straying, I can't help but suspect that to apply this to everyone would be too strong a claim to make.

Well of course I can't tell you for certain. I can only speak from my experience of being single, and it's that if I think about a particular woman above all others, particularly if I think she likes me, I start developing unreasonable expectations of what she thinks of me and to date that's been a ticket to disaster.

I'm not sure there would be. As far as I'm aware, the question of whether humans are naturally monogamous remains open. I do think a healthy monogamous relationship is the most likely way for both parties to be happy, though, which is why I'm only seeking one myself.