Pretend I'm Flirting?

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I thought of this after reading a lot of what GroovyDruid has ben saying. While I can't spot body language, I'm self aware enough to exhibit it myself. Here's the idea; I pretend I'm fliritng with someone I like by purposely altering my body language to make it seem that way. I know my body language is usually nothing or confusing, so if I change it to make it seem like I'm flirting, I might get a more obvious form of flirting back. Oh, I'd still have to figure out if the other person is flirting back, but it's still a good thought. I'm way too nervous to do the more blatant fliritng techniques, so purposely altering my body language might work. Any thoughts from everyone else?

It works, they can pick up on that. Often they know that your modifying your body language on purpose though - but they also understand why.

If the other person isn't interested though, it is possible to make them feel awkward. Not as bad as walking up to them and yelling out, "I love you! Marry me!" though.

Making the effort to change your body language to communicate your true feelings to those around you is a gift to them. It's not an easy step to take, and not everyone is in a place where they can do it. It shows courage on your part, and I applaud you for it.



It's an excellent thought. Regardless of reading people's reactions, you can communicate your own openness, relaxation, confidence, and good will. That will change the entire world around you, because you will be better understood.

If you want recommendations on books, or have any questions, feel free to PM me. Also, please apprise us of your results!

i look at it as acting. i spend most of my time acting when i'm with other people. body language acting is remembering what things mean and then doing them. i've been told i "use my eyes" to very good effect indeed - can you believe that of someone with AS? i do the same thing with "social skills" too.

over the years, it's become second nature to me, although i do still have to remember to do it, and what it is i have to do. of course, it's tiring, at times, but then i always think of it as a means to an end. start practising now, and in ten years time, you'll be fluent!

i'm not suggesting this would work - or is even possible - for everyone, but it has worked for me.

Indeed. That's the best way to get self-confidence. If you act confident, you will soon find that you become confident.

I thought about this a lot last night. I just have to explore it further.

Now, I'm not saying you're wrong here, so don't take it that way. I'm asking the question because I'm curious:

Are you sure you can't spot body language?

I'm unaware of any hard scientific data in the area, but from what I can tell from my own makeup and experience and that of other aspies I've talked to, aspies have a fuse blown in the area of intuitive social cognition.

NTs have a whole hardwired setup to subconsciously recognize body language, and boy, they do. We don't seem to have some or all of that setup. Now, if you are trying to figure out body language on your own by intuition or experience, you're in for a hard time because of the aspie deficit of social cognition.

So how have you gone about it? Have you read any books on the subject? And if so, have you practiced the material? I wouldn't be able to operate the way I do without the reading I've done. That's why I ask. Spotting body language usually takes training for aspies.

School tomorrow, hope it works. I don't have any books on this. I can only spot really obvious uncomfortability in someone's body langauge, anything else is beyond my understanding.

Well, if you haven't read any books on body language, then you might want to. Many aspies find that it raises their social IQ about 1000%. Here's why:

NTs have intuitive cognition. They get "feelings" about how other people are that actually come from body language they unconsciously pick up. (That's what "women's intuition" is, by the way: women are programmed to be far more sensitive to body language than are men.)

As NTs age, their experiences with people over the years refine their intuitive sensibilities. The mechanism gets stronger and stronger, without the NT even knowing why.

But aspies.... Well, they don't seem to have this wiring. So unless they consciously develop an understanding of body language, their intuitive cognition never grows, because it has no feedback, since the aspie isn't picking up the subconscious signals to educate them. This leads to some of the "immaturity" that psychologists talk about with aspies. It's really just that the aspie is still stuck using the rudimentary intuitive cognition that he or she had as a child.

If you become interested in doing some reading, let me know. Also, there's a review of an excellent book I highly recommend on my blog/column. Check it out!