Older Man/Younger Woman Relationship Issues.

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I'm in what is termed a "May-December" relationship...where there's significant age difference between partners.

I'm 20 and my boyfriend of seven months is 36.

Last night he told me that he wanted kids, a family etc. I'm in university and as he put it, I have my entire life ahead of me...but at the same time, I see him as someone I'd be with for a long time. He explained that even though we're compatible on so many levels, he has trouble seeing us as "an item" because I'm so young. I've always been very mature for my age...and he said it's nothing to do with that...he thinks that over time our differences might outweigh our similiarities. I asked him if there was anything I could do to change this. He said probably not...it's more of an age/life circumstance thing rather than something that can be changed.

However, we're both very heavily emotionally attached to each other...we're "in love" so to speak and that's what's making it hard for him. We're both bright, we make each other laugh, we're passionate, we have the same likes/dislikes, we're supportive of each other and genuinely enjoy each other's company. Things just "feel right" when we're together...we can't even spend 1-2 days without having contact with each other. He was wondering if we should perhaps "have a break" to allow us to think about it separately and to put it into perspective. We wouldn't be seeing each other over this period but rather keeping in touch through phone/email etc.

I'm just wondering if anyone has any opinions on this. What should I do now? Should we stay together?

I'm no expert, but it sounds to me like he is breaking up with you, or at least trying to without specifically saying it in an attempt to avoid hurting you.

Stay together; very few couples are that compatible. f**k what society thinks. Do you really want to be like those boring middle aged couples that do nothing but b***h at each other and think watching American idol is spending quality time?

Aweeeeeeeeeeeeee!
Stay together, if you can.


If you two have made a connection, keep it. It's so hard to find someone you can truly connect with.

I've been in a couple of socially awkward relationships too. In my 20's I dated a woman that was 53. When I got married, my wife was 6 years older than me. And now, I am enamored with an old soul in a 22 year old body. My odds of getting her are pretty much zero, but I'll never give up!

So, do your best, smile, and make him as happy as he makes you!!

Also, how do you feel about kids?

My boyfriend and I have about the same age spread -- I'm 29 and he's 45. This age difference has rarely been a problem for us in our three years together. I would say that if you both can work things out, try to do so; things will become easier with time. Sixteen years will seem like less and less of a difference. In my experience, at least, age is less important than compatibility. If you have found someone that you can relate to, with whom you feel a mutual affection, trust, and desire, then see if you both can work through your differences. Just my $0.02.

For 8 years, I was with a man who was my 34 years senior.

For a long time, it made no difference. Now it does. I want a life with someone I can move with, start a family with, in the years after college. Those concerns, did not matter till the last two years. Eventually, my body knew, then I finally followed suit. We are very good friends now.

Do what feels absolutely right, till it is not right anymore. That is all I can say, because that is all I know.

i would say it depends on how you feel about the whole family and kids thing.
is he talking he wants that now, or just some day?
how do you feel about it?
is that really the only issue?

age is just a number, compatibility can be harder to find. but the age spread at teh ages you are at can make a big difference in life stages.
are you willing to settle down and have a family now, and then maybe go back to school later on in life? the issue with this is he can feel his biological clock ticking, and probably wants kids sooner rather than later so he is around as much as possible to enjoy them. But if you tw wait another couple of years it would likely tak him that long to establish another significant realtionship which would get him to his goal no sooner. however he likely woudln;t want you to give up on your degree adn career for him so that you don;t end up resenting him.
so i guess the ball is really in your court so to speak, as to wher you are in your life stages.

as for the break, sometimes it can be good, sometimes not so good.

i hope it all works out for you which ever way it goes.

Good luck! Looks like I'm not the only one who embraces age difference here.

For some reason (and this is the first time this has happened to me, with anyone) I have had strong fantasies about marrying and having kids with him, ever since we first dated. Of course, I see this happening when I'm well out of school and in a stable career, but the urge is there nonetheless.

*shrugs* I'd stay. It's hard to find the right person.

My mom is 15 years younger than my dad. It never seemed to matter much to them. She was the second woman to bear him children. Like any relationship, it will require compromise from both parties.

Age difference should not be a problem. I am 58 and my gf is 20 years younger, no problems because of the difference.

If there is a problem with the relationship, deal with it separately, and honestly.

Social taboo level is younger partner should be no younger than half the older partner's age plus seven. My AS denies me the ability to recognise social boundaries (thankfully), so 80 with 18 would be quite OK with me.

Just a couple of things to consider. The older partner will probably die before the younger ... and this may need some preparation. Older partner needs to maintain the same fitness level as the younger partner.

Good Luck.

I missed an opportunity to be with an aspie of 21. I was told it wasn’t a good idea. So slowly lost contact.

What do I do now? I put first class effort to finding second best. I am spending time figuring how to make money, to be more eligible and killing myself in the gym to be a beefcake. I feel like a right pratt, I tell thee.

Age is just a number people say...might be, but
still its a little "off" sometimes. I`m 32 and would
not get together with a 20 year old, way way to
young compared to my age i feel, it just feels
plain wrong, sort of a dirty old man feeling.
I can strecth it down to 25 but anything under
that is a little iffy to me. I could meet the most
fantastic girl ever and everything could click, but if
she suddenly told me she was 20 i would be gone
faster then you can say "oh s**t!" I mean, i`m over
30, i have no buisness playing with the young girls,
even if i wanted too, its slightly creapy.

If i had a 20 year old daughter that was with a 30-something
man, i would pay him a visit for sure and have a talk with him.
I wouldnt try to wreck the relationship or anything, i would just
sit him down and ask him man to man if he really thinks its
ok to hang around 20 year olds.

Last edited by ImTheGuyThatDidThat on 01 Dec 2008, 10:15 am, edited 4 times in total.

If you love each other and are compatible, then age shouldn't be an issue. The relationship is between two people and how you feel about each other is what matters. I would wait a few years before you commit to marriage but there is no reason not to keep dating and being together.

If NTs were more like aspies such as yourself, I am sure that these attitudes would not exist.

I know that aspie couples with a 10 year age difference is more compatible generally then
aspie/NT relationship. Most NTs don't know this. They don't even know that an aspie is.

I am sure that many older men dating such younger men are preditory and socially manipulative towards their younger partner, Is thsi true with aspie men too?

Go find her. Now!

I lost (contact with) my girl for 6 months. I didn't give up trying to find her. I lost the rest of my life during that six months. It was worth it. The feeling when I found her, and she threw her arms around me and just whispered "I'm so glad you found me" will never be surpassed by any other experience.