So . . . what am I missing?

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Here's what I have to offer a guy, in summary:

Good Qualities
more attractive than most girls (or so I'm told) - hourglass figure, long thick hair, full lips, etc.
about to get my masters from a good university
main interests are typically male ones (history of rock and roll, reptiles, etc.)
like to drink beer but no substance abuse habits
exercise regularly and eat well => likely to age slowly and stay fit though life
good at making people laugh
can be very polite, or enjoy dirty offensive jokes, depending on context
knowledgeable and able to converse on many different topics
high sex drive
don't expect much in the way of material gifts, and dislike formal dates and holiday celibrations
very committed, loyal, and faithful once I am in a relationship

Bad Qualities
suffer from bouts of severe depression during which I lie around and don't do much of anything
not good at navigating world of traditional careers due to AS + life history
socially awkward - tend to be too quiet or ramble on without knowing when to stop
probably have an annoying lisp
unabashedly geeky (could be a good quality)
high sex drive
very disorganized, have a hard time getting things done on time, or at all
don't think in terms of money - not much of a bread winner, but at least I'm thrifty
SPACEY
very forgetful when it comes to mundane things
get anxiety about attending large social gatherings
become bored and depressed if not intellectually stimulated

So, I've tried to be objective, but the point is, although I often manage to have a boyfriend, they tend to have financial troubles and substance abuse problems that eventually destroy the relationship, and they refuse to deal with these things in a constructive manner. This is not good for me.

My family says I should use my intelligence, appearance, education, sense of humor, etc. to find a boyfriend who consistently treats me well and is stable financially and emotionally. I think this would be in my best interest too.

But how do I meet such a guy? What step in the game could I be missing? I try to go out and socialize, and I meet nice, attractive guys, but the ones I really like always treat me like they like me but don't want to get too close, or they assume I already have a boyfriend or something weird like that. Or when I say I want to get to know them better before committing to anything, or just ask them to hang out as though we're friends, they take it as a total rejection and never talk to me again.

Obviously, there's something I'm missing . . .

The only advice I can think of is to just try to find a guy who will respect you and is stable.

I seem to be pretty good at finding nice guys who will respect me, but in the cases in which there is mutual attraction, the guy always turns out to be too unstable to be in a relationship, realistically speaking. So we (ideally) end up as friends.

There must be nice, stable ones out there who share my interests and are single, but I have no idea how to get anything to happen with any of them.

Define "stable." In an economic recession like this one, few people are truly stable.

All the guys I've dated post-college have compulsively spent practically all of their spare money on some kind of addiction, from substance abuse to collecting things. Therefore they could not afford to do things like go to the doctor when necessary, buy food whenever they need to eat, buy new clothes when their current ones get torn or stained, etc. I'm talking about basic self-care.

While I may be financially independent, this places me in a tough position because I want to help out anyone I care about, but I don't make enough money to support an adult who makes enough money to support himself, were he to gain control of his spending habits. I believe the best you can do is try to make someone aware of their self-destructive habits; you can't try to control or reform them - that's usually futile and it's their responsibility anyway.

To make it clear, I'm NOT looking to mooch off some rich guy. I just think I should be able to have a good relationship with a nice guy who has his act together enough to usually take care of himself in all the fundamental ways.

For example, someone who can at least afford to go dutch when we go to the zoo together instead of saying, "You'd have to pay my admission and that would make me feel so guilty, I'd be in a bad mood all day."

Where are you meeting these guys? If it's at bars/clubs, then you're going to meet a lot of people who have addictions and other personal issues.

I try to meet them at a variety of places, usually through mutual friends.

Your luck sucks, keep trying.

When a guy doesn't want to get to close it means he want's to get to know you before commiting, which is a good thing. Or it could mean he is not really interested.

When every you say the words "let's just be friends", that is like a polite rejection and the guy will think that you are not really interested in him. You need to explain that you are not rejecting him and you are seriously interested in him.

Maybe it is because you watch turtle porn.

I'll hazard a guess that you were raised in a middle class stable home.

You seem attracted to guys with risk attraction behaviour and/or chemical escapism.

There are men like that without alcohol, drugs and gambling problems, but when I tell you were to find them, be aware that you will find poor quality men there too. They will be mixed in.

Seek out adventure clubs, sky diving, rock climbing, water skiing, snowboarding. Try to meet military personnel, people involved in fitness too. Stay away from police men, security people, such as bouncers and security guards.

To separate the wheat from the chaff, so to speak, look for signs of good health and grooming, and then also examine their choice in careers.

If his choice in careers requires persistence, such as several years of school, that is a good sign. Its imperative that you dont seek out men that only have that trait, as you will end up with a work-a-holic. That is why the creative outlets, such as the aforementioned sports, are important. It shows that hes not narrowly focused.


summary:

If hes a surfer that works at a shoe store, well, you dont want that.
If he juggles two jobs, chances are hes a work-a-holic or has some big debt. You dont want that.
If hes been at the same place for 10 years, but only comes home to sleep and eat... well, you dont date those types anyway, do you? And you dont want to.

Yeah, I always explain, "All my past relationships have been with guys I got to know as friends first," if I get the chance. But sometimes I don't get the chance.

And sometimes they see me with another guy and assume the guy's my boyfriend when really we're just friends enjoying a little affection in public (like hugging a lot and leaning in close to listen to one another, just like close girl-friends).

I also think that maybe only drunkards want to hang out with me because I am actually more fun to be around when I am drunk.

Or maybe I'm just a f**k-up.

You asked for it.

You are not doing anything wrong, you are just not in a good state of mind because you ended your relationship.

Fuzzy:

Your response is pretty accurate and I agree with most of it.

I was raised in a middle class unstable home.

I am attracted to laid-back, low-energy types who also enjoy some thrill-seeking in some form. Probably because I am like this as well.

I've tried talking to guys who are into things like adventure sports and have good careers, but the ones I've met are either already in committed relationships or strike me as full of themselves, controlling, and boring.

Maybe I should just quit whining and go watch some turtle porn, like MR_BOGAN suggested.