When\how to intiate first kiss?

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This is a problem I used to have, so I'll offer one possible solution to this terrible dilemma. Most of us that have been in a relationship for a decent amount of time will know that the first kiss can be rather confusing to an Aspie guy: how, when, where, etc, etc, etc.

A solution, offered to me by a good NT friend, is that when you feel that the time is drawing near - that awkward silence when you're alone with her, that tension building up. You know that a kiss should come soon, but you just can't do it yet. Does she want it? What would she think if you did it? A massive shitstorm runs through your mind.

Kiss her on the cheek. Just a peck, then slowly draw back, doing your best to closed-mouth smile and look in her eyes.

Seriously. It's harmless, it's quite cute, and a hundred times easier to do than going straight for the mouth. I've used this technique twice successfully (of two tries), and the resulting permission via action that you give the girl to basically release the tension that she feels as well, ended up with them almost pouncing on me.

Just a thought.

...and this ties into the OP how?

Legato, it is one approach, solid and safe... I think there are a lot of variations; I've found a whisper-led kiss to the ear has worked for me. But I get really leery here (not due to you) that there is a search for a perfect, consistent method when people prevent that from being a possibility.


M.

baleeted

Last edited by Legato on 07 Dec 2008, 3:53 am, edited 1 time in total.

Because most Aspie males have been shut out of the dating market. So it doesn't have any relevance for most of us, does it?

To quote myself:



You are not being constructive, this is meant to help those of us that haven't given up. Thank you and goodbye, BPalmer.

Last edited by Legato on 07 Dec 2008, 3:34 am, edited 1 time in total.

You've shared your frustration, and I do recognize the frustration you've experienced, but you continually post as though your own experiences are all that exist - and that isn't the case. He's trying to give advice, and rather than acknowledge or discuss, your pithy comment doesn't really make that much sense? When did their age come into the conversation? Why does previous failure preclude future success? No one is past dating age - you choose to put yourself out to pasture.


M.

also, you can look at her eyes then her lips in rapid succession.

Off topic--------

""A massive shitstorm runs through your mind.""

i think i have to steal that text -
and it just sounds so familiar

Sometimes the most awkward moments are the cutest and most precious moments when you're still in that new relationship state.

Once you're in a long relationship, hopefully they're just funny moments

Not true. Am I saying that KenM's, or Cyberman's, or LonerMutant's don't exist, for instance? Hardly. I've read on this very forum what a lot of Aspie males have to go through.


Let's face it, there's a world of difference between being 21 and 35! When I was younger, I thought things would improve, and hoped I'd only have to wait a few years later than most for a first relationship. At the same time I feared I'd become one of those losers who don't have their fist date until they're well into their thirties, forties or beyond. Well, that fear has been proven to be completely well-founded. I'm supposed to be meeting up with someone really soon, but I can't see how there can be a skerrick of fun and innocence to the whole thing, and suspect it'll quickly degenerate into arguing and bickering.

Yet you're willing to forgo the fact that there are other experiences which are radically different that other people have? And not to diminish the suffering and frustration that is felt, but when people refuse to make choices or adapt to achieve what they desire, I don't find the complaints very substantial. Yes, there is a lot of pain and frustration in dating - but that is part of the process.

When you have expectations, like the ones you describe for this impending meeting, they have a habit of making themselves true. We are often our own worst enemy, and it's hard to accept that I was responsible for my frustrations, not someone else, and that I had to take responsibility for it. I hope it goes well... and I hope more than you look forward to it, instead of believing it will crash before take-off.


M.

Thanks. I guess I've felt despondent because it's not going to be too conventional. That sounds narrow-minded, doesn't it? Well, I'm surrounded by public displays of affection between normal, conventional people who are young, simple and not given to introspection. And perhaps I'd rather live that way, and resent not being able to.

Thanks! I'll keep that one in mind!

Leave convention for the conventional, and live your life. I'm rooting for you... and from my own experience, it has been the road less traveled that has led to my greatest happiness in life - not trying to be what someone else envisioned. The resentment is understandable - but does it serve any positive use for you? If not, why keep carrying it with you? It's not narrow-minded, just the result of expectations and disappointment through your own years of experience.


M.

What the **** would that accomplish?

A lot actually, pretty sure that's a common tactic. The grab them and dive in tactic seems to work in movies when there's a script but in real life it's a good way to send the signal.

I thought I'd note, one of the best kisses I ever got was a complete and total surprise. There was no signal beforehand. I was driving behind him (he lived about 5 mins from my house) and he got to the stop sign before my house, got out of the car, came to my window which I kept open, grabbed me and kissed me.