Asperger's or Narcissism?

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Alla
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08 Feb 2009, 10:14 pm

Some of you know about my close relationship with this older man who wears a gold pinkie band. What I want to figure out is whether this guy is an Aspie or simply a narcissist (or both?) He is a real enigma. I will list some behaviors and you can judge for yourself.

1) Extreme nervousness around me most of the time; gets aroused and has to flee the scene.
2) Had a very strict mother and was very poor growing up
3) Very successful in his field and good income
4) Does not like sports or physical pursuits; enjoys acting, writing, and intellectual talk
5) Sometimes refered to as either gay, straight, or bi
6) Disappears for long period of time without anyone knowing
7) Evesdrops on people's conversations
Wants to know in advance if you will go an see him or if you want to talk to him
9) Extremely studious, especially when younger
10) Has lots of projects in the air all the time
11) Claims that everyone misunderstands him and/or is afraid of him
12) Very few friends, if any
13) Strange walk and sometimes high pitched voice
14) Has worn jeans with a hole right on his crotch without noticing and shown himself in public
15) Walks about aimelesly sometimes
16) Claims that the inside of him is not the same as his outside
17) Either stares too much or avoids eye contact all together with me
18) Very blunt
19) Hates it when I say nice things about other men
20) Very good looking
21) Never married or in a long term relationship but very secretive about these things

That is a long list. I can add more mind you. Anyone willing to diagnose this guy

Emoal6
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08 Feb 2009, 10:39 pm

I love how you state this as a list of characteristics, when it seems mainly a list of complaints you have with him. None the less, He doesnt seem narcissistic because they tend to care too much about their physical looks. You say This guy has worn clothing with hole in the crotch area. He prolly is on the spectrum, just not as severly affected by it as some here. His past is probably what drove him to his good looks and wealth(or at least being better off). He doesnt have friends because they prolly dont last long. He's finding out money only goes so far and those are the wrong friends to have.

Just so you know tho, most of those are personal traits based on his experience with life. The not liking sports is just an intellectual trait, not necessarily AS. He doesnt evesdrop on on conversations if he's as tho, he prolly has hypersensitive hearing. When your hearing is that sensitive, you just hear everything. And then when someone is talking about us or something we know, we "jump in".

Everyone is referred to as either gay straight or bi, not just as or narcissists. As people "disappear" by just not saying they're going somewhere, we dont bother to inform others of our personal business/adventures(thus the wandering sometimes). Everyone fits the possibility of being very successful in their field, so thats not really a trait either.

Go ahead an put more up, most of those could be anyone tho.

twoshots
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08 Feb 2009, 10:43 pm

While it is difficult to say from the description, you give no indication that he is NPD. Only 11 really sounds remotelyl NPD to me, but his overall personality profile doesn't sound like what I've read about it. On the other hand, nothing else is really clear from the description; eccentric maybe, but no actual disorder is immediately apparent.

*twoshots isn't a psychologist, psychology student, or someone terribly savvy about it, but he plays one on WP.

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NeantHumain
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08 Feb 2009, 10:52 pm

Based on that list, I wouldn't have a clue what's wrong with him. These don't really fit any one or two disorders in particular.

Alla
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08 Feb 2009, 10:57 pm

Emoal6 wrote:

Actually this is not entirely true. There are cerebral narcissists as well who do not care much about their looks. A good place to read about this is the blog by Sam Vaknin.

Quote:

You say This guy has worn clothing with hole in the crotch area. He prolly is on the spectrum, just not as severly affected by it as some here. His past is probably what drove him to his good looks and wealth(or at least being better off). He doesnt have friends because they prolly dont last long. He's finding out money only goes so far and those are the wrong friends to have.

Yeah, the part about the hole in his pants. When he puts an effort in, he can actually wear some nice stuff. He likes to wear jewellery (manly jewellery).
Most people I know are afraid of him and cant figure him out.

Quote:

He doesnt evesdrop on on conversations if he's as tho, he prolly has hypersensitive hearing. When your hearing is that sensitive, you just hear everything. And then when someone is talking about us or something we know, we "jump in".

Yes, he does this. Hearing is his strongest sense by far.

Quote:

Go ahead an put more up, most of those could be anyone tho.

22) Can't drive; claims he pays too much attention to the little things to see the road ahead
23) Likes to have structured schedule and adhere to it
24) If I tell him I like something, he will let it sit for a while in his mind and will usually give it to me or help me acquire it some time later (maybe a few days later, for example)
25) Takes things literally.....example.....Me: I missed you! He: Oh, but you will see me on Tuesday!:)
26) Fantastic editor; has edited several volumes of scholarly papers.
27) Workaholic; obsessed with his subject and work
28) Will have a meltdown if things do not go right in his work
29) Will give a long monologue on a particular thing that bothers him and will sometimes make his entire class listen to it!

ToadOfSteel
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08 Feb 2009, 11:49 pm

Alla wrote:

1) Extreme nervousness around me most of the time; gets aroused and has to flee the scene.
2) Had a very strict mother and was very poor growing up
3) Very successful in his field and good income
4) Does not like sports or physical pursuits; enjoys acting, writing, and intellectual talk
5) Sometimes refered to as either gay, straight, or bi
6) Disappears for long period of time without anyone knowing
7) Evesdrops on people's conversations
8 ) Wants to know in advance if you will go an see him or if you want to talk to him
9) Extremely studious, especially when younger
10) Has lots of projects in the air all the time
11) Claims that everyone misunderstands him and/or is afraid of him
12) Very few friends, if any
13) Strange walk and sometimes high pitched voice
14) Has worn jeans with a hole right on his crotch without noticing and shown himself in public
15) Walks about aimelesly sometimes
16) Claims that the inside of him is not the same as his outside
17) Either stares too much or avoids eye contact all together with me
18 ) Very blunt
19) Hates it when I say nice things about other men
20) Very good looking
21) Never married or in a long term relationship but very secretive about these things
22) Can't drive; claims he pays too much attention to the little things to see the road ahead
23) Likes to have structured schedule and adhere to it
24) If I tell him I like something, he will let it sit for a while in his mind and will usually give it to me or help me acquire it some time later (maybe a few days later, for example)
25) Takes things literally.....example.....Me: I missed you! He: Oh, but you will see me on Tuesday!:)
26) Fantastic editor; has edited several volumes of scholarly papers.
27) Workaholic; obsessed with his subject and work
28 ) Will have a meltdown if things do not go right in his work
29) Will give a long monologue on a particular thing that bothers him and will sometimes make his entire class listen to it!

From what I can tell, all these things seem to indicate AS more than NPD... However, he may not realize certain things about himself (#14 being a good example), and may be giving off that "narcissistic" vibe to others without even realizing it, and may or may not feel taken aback a bit when the image that others see is explained to him...

Other items in the list may not be directly linked to AS, but can be a secondary effect: severe ostracism that many aspies receive as children, especially in school, can result in feeling separated from the world, and trigger a lot of psychological defensiveness, resulting in effects such as 8, 11, 12, and even 19.

The item that sold me, however is #24. Aspies often have trouble thinking "in the moment", as it were, and need a significant amount of time (ranging into days or sometimes even weeks) to "process" emotional input into something the aspie can recognize and deal with. While the aspie needs an extended period of time to reach an understanding, he will return an answer when he has finally processed the information involved, since aspie long-term memory tends to retain information in greater detail than that for NT's... This is a trait that I have almost never seen outside of the autistic spectrum... NPD certainly won't be able to explain that, although it is important to remember that those on the spectrum may also have a whole host of other psychological issues that can be aggravated by the AS... I myself have a bit of an OCD streak, as well as being a compulsive overeater... so it's possible that this person you're referring to has both conditions, but judging from what you've told me, I'm pretty sure that, at the very least, he does have AS...

0_equals_true
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09 Feb 2009, 9:12 am

If he is such and enigma maybe you aren't as close as you think, and should not be focusing all your attention on him.

Alla
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09 Feb 2009, 10:49 am

0_equals_true wrote:

If he is such and enigma maybe you aren't as close as you think, and should not be focusing all your attention on him.

Well, you see, that is not the point of the OP. You know that there are women and men married to people on the spectrum or narcissistic people and sometimes their spouses are an enigma to them. You should congratulate me for the fact that I actually try to understand him and want him to be happy......unlike some other people who dont understand him at all and just label him as a gay/bi/straight mean, eccentric person.

0_equals_true
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09 Feb 2009, 11:50 am

No need to be defensive. What type of relationship is this?

My understanding it is not a romantic one. You should ask yourself what it is you want rather than trying to diagnose him. What are you expecting on an internet forum for people to make a desktop diagnosis?

If he is being friendly with you and there is no inkling that he wants a romantic relationship, there is a possibility he might never want one. You have to factor that in.

You have a really poor definition of narcissistic. In a way everyone is a bit narcissistic therefore you have to set the bar higher if you really want a clinical definition. Your intentions are no less selfish than his, just like most people. We are selfish beings humans. You can filter it down to stimulus->response.

SilverStar
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10 Feb 2009, 1:31 am

AS, ADD, OCD, hypersensitivity, schizoid or another personality disorder seem possible. NPD doesn't seem likely.

Alla
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Location: Cork, Ireland

10 Feb 2009, 2:58 am

SilverStar wrote:

AS, ADD, OCD, hypersensitivity, schizoid or another personality disorder seem possible. NPD doesn't seem likely.

Yeah, I guess. He does fit AS and Schizoid. Most AS people are schidoids too I suppose.

makuranososhi
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10 Feb 2009, 10:23 am

Alla wrote:

SilverStar wrote:

AS, ADD, OCD, hypersensitivity, schizoid or another personality disorder seem possible. NPD doesn't seem likely.

Yeah, I guess. He does fit AS and Schizoid. Most AS people are schidoids too I suppose.

No, and don't think that has been suggested anywhere - that was a list of possibilities, not a culmination and sum of all the conditions he is affected by. More research would help to understand the spectrum of which you apparently have interest in.

M.

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Alla
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16 Feb 2009, 1:11 pm

0_equals_true wrote:

No need to be defensive. What type of relationship is this?

It is a mentor/student relationship and it has progressed to kissing. He is veeeerrry slow in revealing himself though. Not married or anything, so that is clearly not the reason he is secretive.
He always shakes and blushes whenever I tell him how wonderful he is. However, he is so changeable that he is hard to figure out. Are aspies changeable due to the fact that they put on a mask for the world?

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