The mate-seeking paradox

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I have noticed that when you approach a man or woman you find attractive trying to pick them up or date them, it almost never works. That is for everyone. I don't care how much of a "pimp" or a "playah" you say you are because you are probably lying. You only meet and romantically get involved with a mate when they come to you. It's true. You have to wait for love to come to you. But, if approaching a mate never works and you have to wait for your mate to come to you, how can a mate approach YOU knowing that approaching a potential mate never works? See what I mean? Maybe you have to "accidentally" bump into a potential mate to meet them? I don't know. But I know for a fact that approaching a mate to pick them up or get to know them with the outcome supposedly being romantic or sexual ALMOST never works. You have to wait for love to find you. It may take a while, but somehow sooner or later it'll come to you.

Well, maybe if you're looking for a romantic realationship, instead of a mate?... j/k...

You probably should approach your preferred sex like you'd want to make a friend, and once you've started, you can worry about the 'benefits' later...

I think you're overthinking this.

Obviously, somebody has to be the first to say hello, be the first to ask you out on a date, be the first to kiss, etc... But these things usually do not happen in a vacuum. More often than not, couples meet each other through some commonality. A class taken together, friends in common, a shared interest, a chance encounter that blossomed, etc... A "cold" meeting, i.e walking up to a girl in a bar and asking her out, results in more no's than yes', statistically speaking. And if this were the only way aspies could find mates, we'd breed ourselves out of the gene pool entirely. Fortunately, it's not the only way.

"Love" is an accident. It can be a good accident like Penicillin, or it can be a bad accident like Chernobyl.

^Nice analogy. Either I'm dying of bacterial infection, or I really know how to run a nuclear power plant properly.

^ this.

What you should remember OP, is that the purpose of initiating contact is not to make yourself appear attractive to them, but to get to know them and find out if THEY are worth YOUR time.

The only time I was successful I approached him, so I'm not so sure if that's right... unless you mean it specifically as guys should wait for girls to approach them...

I've never gone out looking for someone. In my opinion, that is not a good way to find a mate. I feel that if you are 'looking' for someone, you might be a little more desperate and you might settle for whatever you find and end up with less than you deserve. If you are happy with yourself the way you are, you may or may not find love but will be happy either way.

Anytime I have dated someone its always been a friend that I hung out with for some time before feelings began to develop. Or, in the case of my husband, we met randomly - neither of us was looking for anything at all and we both felt an instant connection and fell in love almost immediately.

yeah I've noticed that normal guys no longer approach girls. it's sad really, I like talking to occasional strangers in weird places like shopping malls, libraries and trains.

nothing ever happens to those who wait anyway.