Lonely

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I am a 26 year-old female and I have never had a chance to have a boyfriend. Most of the time, I feel rather confident that I am a single and enjoy the freedom of it. However, it has been bothering me today I have never had that intimacy from anyone like a guy. Moreover, when a guy does use meet me, he's either the wrong type or he just leads me around and has another girlfriend. In addition, I had a guy lead my on for two years and acted like he liked me but claims that I'm not his type and that he has not romantic feelings towards me. I have also never had a chance go on a date for either of my proms and ended up going single and alone at both of them. Moreover, I feel like three of my girlfriends all have boyfriends, and I am left out. I am jealous of autisticstar as she has been with her boyfriend for more than 6 months and they have a very romantic relationship that I wish I had. In addition, another friend ended up seeing a guy recently and they are going on a date. And my third friend is in the army has been in and out of relationships ever since she's been there. And if that isn't enough, I work at an enviroment where there is constant sexual harassment by a guy in his 50's who has been lusting after me and I just wish I could find someone close to my age to share common interests with. Worst of all, I work next to a couple who has been dating off and on for over two years and I think I maybe a little jealous of them.

Does anyone else feel that way?

My advice is to try to think of other things, and not let it get to you. You shouldn't date somebody just for the sake of dating. However, you should prepare yourself for the one person who is perfect for you.

I don't feel that way any more, but I started out like you did, but from a boy's persective, though I don't think the basic feelings are any different. First girlfriend had an absentee boyfriend who didn't get mentioned until I was already involved. Next one was still in love with a previous partner. I pretended I didn't mind, and strangely enough I didn't feel any anger. I was quite inexperienced and didn't appreciate that neither of them were giving it a fair chance. So I just stayed available had hoped that would be enough.

It did me a lot of good when I started to stick up for myself more in relationships. In the beginning I just used to cave in because I felt a selfish partner was better than no partner at all, I thought I'd be even less attractive if I started expecting anything at all. In a way they hadn't respected me because I hadn't commanded any respect. It wasn't easy, but in the end I had to realise that my life was more than just a relationship.

Hope this helps. Try not to worry about that couple dating on and off for a couple of years. If it's on and off, that might be because they're not as happy together as they look sometimes. Longterm relationships are more like the start of problems than the end. I still think they're worth it though.

Well,
their relationship is quite romantic and I usally don't let not having a boyfriend bother me. I just feel mildly left out. During my late teens, it bothered me the most and I used to cry a lot when I worked in an environment when everyone except me had someone. Now, I am dealing with a guy who has issues of being extremely lecherous and jerky and he's in his 50's and I work with the creep. If that isn't bad enough, he's obsessed with me beyonf belief. However, I am looking for someone who will be more my age, down to earth, and shares the same values that I do.

I'm going through the same things and it sometimes bothers me. I don't have desires to have a girlfriend, but I feel that one would help with loneliness. On the other hand, if I did have a girlfriend, I probably wouldn't be able to satisfy them

What would, uhh, your values be?

My morals are that I don't want to have sex before marriage because I am a christian. Moreover, I am all about people being faithful to each other. My friend autisticstar has the same morals and they see eachother every single weekend and go out. Infact, they were very happy together, and he is very loyal to her. And once I finish school, that's the kind of man that I want.

Yes it can heighten the pain if everybody else is nicely coupled off.

That lecherous guy sounds way out of line - sounds like sexual harrassment, and there are laws to protect you. Use them if you need to.


I'm secular, but I arrived at the same conclusion about sex, because sex creates bonds between people that make no sense if you've not had the time to at least get to know the other person pretty well. It's a recipe for emotional disaster. I'd not want to sleep with anybody until we'd had a conflict and resolved it. You don't know somebody until you've had a fight with them. You're lucky to be religious if it means you get support for that from the church community.

It's all so difficult isn't it? All your effort put into this very fundamental aspect of the human experience. And what do you get for your labors? Misery, misery, misery. Failures built upon disasters, built upon nonstarters. All the while, people tell you to keep getting on the damned horse no matter how many times it knocks your teeth in the dirt. My advice is simple. Give up. This whole burden to enter a relationship, even the most casual one, is like a bag of bricks you've been carrying around your whole life. You just have to set it down, and it won't weigh you down anymore. As much misery as loneliness will bring, it is much less, believe me, than the bitter cold of failure or the emotional torture of a real relationship even if you do manage to pull it off. There comes a point where you have to ask yourself how many more days you will cast off your dignity and stress your mind to the point of meltdown over something so potentially doomed, even if you manage to get it, that you're really just trying to nail the Jell-O of your hopes to the wall of relationships and it's going to keep slipping off the damned thing until you finally learn to content in loneliness.

-Frank

Yes. Definitely do. Im 30 and like you, never been in any relationship ...nor have I ever had any friends. Im no recluse nor have problems interacting with others its just that whatever allows others to connect at any level just isn't in my brain. It's not pleasant to feel that emptiness every time you see others around you enjoying each other's company.

I'm 26 and I'm in your exact same shoes. Never been on a date, never had a girlfriend, I've never even had a first kiss! I also never went to my prom (never had a date), and even though I went to homecoming dances, I never had dates for those, either. I usually just hung around with friends.

I have hope that I'll find someone, I haven't given up completely, but it gets so frustrating sometimes.

yeah, I know how that feels. I'm sorry that sucks.

Yeah, I totally understand... Don't give up just be rather apathetic to the whole notion of finding a sole mate. Nothing lasts forever and nothing happens according to plans despite all your efforts. The first girl I dated that I just planned to have fun with and no strings... Ended up being my wife. Its just happens don't let it bring you down.

I used to feel that way all the time. I guess I eventually had to get over it. Like I had to because I couldn't go no further. Don't worry about it, hon, you'll be alright. If other guys are too stupid to see how special you are, I'll marry you.

course, but don't expect any love from this forum
I remember people used to try and convince me it was a great place for that
now I laugh and call them idiots

WillMcC wrote

'I'm going through the same things and it sometimes bothers me. I don't have desires to have a girlfriend, but I feel that one would help with loneliness. On the other hand, if I did have a girlfriend, I probably wouldn't be able to satisfy them.'

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