Well... Darn...

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So I love this girl, right.. Haha, bad way to start a thread, eh? Well uh anyways... So I love this girl, right, and uhh.. She just isn't into relationships right now apparently, she told me... And she just likes you know kinda dating a bunch of guys and all that stuff... She's way too pretty for me, blah blah blah, but I still like her and I think she kinda likes me, too, but I'm not sure, you know? Anyways she was like 'When I decide for a relationship, you'll be the first one I call...' But should I accept her after she has become spoiled goods? Should I be like 'So you've been with like...600 guys by now, right? Uhh... Alright, I'll be happy to take some AIDS. ' Should I? I love her though... That's the question, though. Should I?

If a person having experience makes them spoiled goods, then I can see there being some real challenges for you. My betrothed dated a lot; the way I look at it, she went out with a lot of people and still decided I was the person she wanted to be with. Would you rather be the first person who came along, only to have her distracted when the next best thing strolls past? Think about what your expectations are, what you really care about. I think the comment you suggested for accepting her is disgusting; it offends me, but it is your right to choose what you do. She's been upfront - she doesn't want a relationship right now. She's been direct - she said when she did want a relationship, then she'd call you. There is nothing preventing you from going on a date without a commitment, and not every date results in sex - that's one hell of a presumption. Whether she is being honest, that is something that you have to have faith in and time will tell. But preemptively being mean isn't going to get you where you want to go. Just my opinion.


M.

lol.

I didn't post it to be attacked, honestly. I just wanted you guys' opinions. I mean, I know for a fact that she has been VERY sexually active, so yeah I can make those presumptions. But the real fact is: I really really like her and I'm pretty sure I love her and yeah I think I'd accept her. I just wanted to know you guys' opinions.

oh, i see, she's really sexually active but not into relationships.

hmmm i wonder what it is you see in her that makes you love her

She's a very nice person, and has a great personality. I'd be content with just being friends with her, she IS my best friend right now, but I'd REALLY like to .. I dunno, I guess be able to hang out with her as boyfriend and girlfriend. I just... like hanging out with her.

Even if she's the most attractive women in the world, that has 0 bearing on "Will she sleep with every guy she meets?". Even whores don't sleep with every guy they meet! Seriously, most women aren't like that (and the ones that are typically aren't all that attractive). Just ask yourself, "If you met a new girl every single day, would you sleep with each one? Just the hot ones?".

As for her wanting to avoid relationships and just date around, there is nothing wrong with that either. The entire point of dating is to meet a wide variety of people and find who matches with you the best. When your locked into a relationship, you lose that ability to meet new people, which can be stifling.

886- Being sexually attractive doesn't make you want relationships more. Wanting relationships is a personality thing, being attractive is a physical one. Can't compare apples to oranges.

i think you read my post wrong.

Aha, so it appears I did. But attractive and active look so much alike!

My bad.

I think she's just at a stage where she's having fun. She's probably not all that serious about anyone at this point. It's called having fun.

Sauce for goose, sauce for the gander...there's nothing that says you can't see some other girls as well. It could be a good way to learn about relationships, women in general. And have some fun.

I suppose so. Thank you, pakled.

sometimes even if you get the girl and are happy in the first rush of companionship, later you might resent her past and it might infect and fester in your relationship with her. how you feel about her past ("thanks for the AIDs"), now, might be how you will feel about her later.

romantic love can blind you to how you really feel.

Merle

you're quite welcome.

I have been in your shoes. Get out while you still can. I can tell you from personal experience that when all is said and done, you will realize that she was never worth thinking about. And if you actually get with her, you will regret it. Girls like that are not worth pursuing, and I do not expect you to believe me. Everyone learns the hard way. It may feel like love, but it's lust, plain and simple.

Also, you're thinking too much. Take it one step at a time.

I do hope that you did not take my response as an attack; sometimes my flatness is taken wrong.

Akajohnnyx - personal experience for one doesn't mean that we know what is right for another. I think you discredit and discard too easily; I'm not saying that it isn't lust, but to dismiss out of hand is a little excessive.


M.

That's not a question that needs to be answered right away. You know she doesn't want a relationship right now, so you know nothing is gonna happen in your relationship in a non-platonic way for the time being. You can't push a relationship on her without seriously jeopardizing your (and her) status as a best friend to hang out with.

Since you'll have to wait a while before anything goes in a romantic direction in your relationship with her anyway, you may as well spend that time going out and just living your life, meeting more people and doing stuff you normally would, including spending time away from her... and then after a good amount of time has passed, still see if you are interested in her. By that time you will have a better idea of just how "spoiled" the goods are, to use your metaphor, and whether you are willing to accept her as she is at that time. If you are, then you can check up and see if she's ready yet. If you aren't, then you haven't lost any time since you continued to live your life seeking out other possibilities.

Good luck!!