Ready to give up

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Has anyone else here been so frustrated with dating that they're ready to wash their hands of the other gender entirely? I'm losing track of how many times I tried, and every time is the same. I get a number, most won't return my calls. The couple that have only go out once with me and then that's it. The last person seemed SO into me. I was really focusing hard, and it seemed like all the signs were there. I played it cool, and tried not to be overeager. I emailed back and forth a bit. Then, I was in the store and spotted a movie that I thought she would like. It was "Oklahoma!" You see, she travels in Oklahoma on business regularly, and commented to me on how sick she is of the place. I got her the movie, and sent along a funny, light hearted note. I made sure even to include the receipt, and a PS saying it she was free to get something else, but I thought she would at least get a good laugh from it. Totally light hearted, and I figured I'd score points for humor, and for listening. You know what? I haven't heard squat from her since. I KNOW she's back home right now, and I sent the package early enough that it HAS to have arrived. She must have gotten it. Either she has opened it, or she hasn't. Either way it says she really doesn't care.

When I try to be helpful and nice, that's no good, because apparently women don't like nice guys, they want confident guys. Okay, so then I play it cool and confident, send a little gift I think she'd enjoy, and no response. Shut down again. What the f*ck do I have to do to get any experience if no one will even let me in the door? I haven't kissed a girl, or even held a god d*mn hand, and I'm sick of it.

I've about reached the point where I dream less of having a relationship and more of being in the position where I get to do some rejecting. Dream of that high school reunion where I come back successful and wealthy, and they regret missjudging me because I'm not the best looking, or most outgoing. Show them how it feels. Make them regret their stupidity and shallowness. God, I want that power!

BR

Yeah, it's a lot worse when your older, cause then they are like "What!? He's had no girlfriends? Must be damaged goods, stay away". Hard to get your foot in the door for sure.

Do you live anywhere near Wisconsin?

http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt88751.html

Yeah, I've pretty much given up now too. Every time there's a possible prospect for me, there's always a guy(s) that are better than me that just take it so easily.

They are always more attractive, more interesting, more experienced with girls, and more confident than I am. How am I supposed to compete?

D*mned if I know, friend.

I often wonder if we aren't like the titular poet of "The Tales of Hoffmann;" a man destined to fail at love, wedded instead to his muse. Perhaps we're called to different, better, higher purposes than lives of conventionality.

And really, what does love lead to but a life of banality, of raising little hellions and taking time from our passions to pay the bills and for the woman's "flub dubs." A domestic partner would be nice, but I'm starting to wonder if it's better if we contribute to the world in more meaningful and long lasting ways. To use the abilities AS has given us, that make us superior to most?

BR

The money probably would have been better spent (and would have gotten you further) if you used it to buy her a dozen roses, or took her out to a romantic dinner somewhere. Both involve more face-to-face interpersonal contact than sending her a movie, and both are more established forms of upping the ante when it comes to interaction between the sexes. You'd be surprised how old-fashioned many girls can be when it comes to romantic interaction.



That might be the problem right there. You made your opening move with something funny and light-hearted, which means you will get characterized as the funny, kooky, light-hearted "friend zone" guy instead of the interesting and possibily passionate romantic interest. Even if you've already gone out on a date before, doing anything which seems excessively light-hearted and cute too early in the game can be a route to quick downfall and loss of interest.



Sending her the receipt shows her that you second-guessed yourself, and that you weren't fully confident that she'd accept something from you or like it. Somewhat like a pre-emptive beforehand apology, in case she doesn't like what you got her. Next time, don't send any receipt at all. It's a gift from you, that you spent your hard-earned money on. You aren't obligated to any favors for anyone. It's supposed to be a gift from you that shows her your interest in her, no matter what the move title is, and whether or not she likes it. You have to be confident and assertive.



I have to disagree with that. Love is anything but banal, and anyone who has been in true, real love will tell you that. Better to be like the guys on here who say "To hell with it, I'm going to keep hunting and searching for what I want and desire until it kills me, because I'm never giving up" than to say "Even though I've never been in love, I guess love is pointless so why even try?"

Your comments are lucid and well thought out. To me, though, they are just further evidence of how insane all of this is. So I f*cked up the gift. It isn't fair that that should somehow cancel me out in the eyes of the girl. It's madness, sheer madness. That or they're all rotten, the whole species.

Without a doubt, my friend. It is insane (or at least it is in the mainland US). The more developed and advanced civilizations get, the more complicated the romantic interaction process gets. Unfortunately, it seems unlikely to change anytime soon.



Truly so. The problem is, in the current day and age, good intentions are so often misinterpreted in the wrong way.

I don't like the caricatures that women seem to fall in love with, so I don't even bother. People keep saying to "just be yourself," but that doesn't get you anywhere... not unless you conform "yourself" into one of those caricatures first.

However, "faking" confidence apparently doesn't work very well either, unless you're skilled at it. This is because lots of women have an almost "telepathic" ability to sense insecurity, and they will see through your deception in most cases.

I think if you dont be yourself, the girl only falls in love with a false image rather than you

but I also think being ourselves is not going to get us a lover.

I think the problem stems from the fact that attracting a mate is out of our control and it is to do with chance and luck.

I truley beleive that most of us with aspergers will always fail to attract partners and die alone.

I am certainly going to as Im very judgemental and can not tollerate people who disagree with me on important points and combine this with holding minority views on things.

The likely hood that I would find someone who I liked and who liked me and also shared common values is very remote. The likely hood that if I did meet that man, that I would not scare him off by either coming on too strongly or being rudly offensive makes it even more remote.

We just have to learn to live with living alone.

Women can be very complicated. If you ask me a lot of girls sometimes just wan't a guy that can buy them the latest shoes or handbags. Heres some tips.

1.Get a very good job and earn lots of money. Quite a few women are attracted to men with money.
2.Possibly go to some classes that might teach you techniques on how to act or pick up women.
3.Work on your personality
4.Try do more speed dating
5.Go shopping and perhaps develop a better dress sense
6.If you can afford it buy a nice flash car. Some women like men with nice cars
7.Don't try to be somebody your not.
8.Keep going on dating sites and don't give up hope. I am sure if you keep trying you will succeed in finding a date.
9.Try and get a lot of friends. From my experience quite a lot of girls are attracted to guys that are popular.
10.Get a cute puppy and take it for walks. I don't know how this works but women like men with pets dogs.
11.Listen I don't know you or what you go for what you look like but perhaps just try maybe to lower you standards a little bit when it comes to looks. Basicly what I mean is in the future when you do start dating maybe your first girlfriend will be no Angelina Jolie but you can start from bottom when you get more expiernce with women you can gradually work your way up to one day finding a good looking partner.
12.Talk to to your friends and arrange for them to hook you up with somebody.
13.If you know deep down yourself that you are not gay then thats fine it just means you have to work on building your confidense and hanging around the right places.
14.You could perhaps give out wrong vibes when you meet girls and they don't return your calls?
15. Get a haircut that suits you and develop on making yourself more intereting.
16.If your really really desperate you could hire a prositute but thats VERY sleazy and woulden't advice it.
17.Make sure you smell nice and shower daily.
18.Build up your body at the gym to look more appealing to the opposite sex, if you haven't done that already.
19.Lastly but not least. Listen your only 24 although it may not feel like it your still young and your life has really only just begun when it comes to women. An old friend did tell me once "All you have to do is make women laugh and have a sense of humour." Just chill out and don't appear uptight and insicure about everything.

I hope I have been of some help

No offense but if you feel you are overweight loosing the extra pounds could work wonders.

Well I've given up.

I don't think I can even trust guys.

Women can't really trust most men, and men can't really trust most women, either - the door swing both ways. Both parties are equally adept at screwing each other over and confounding each other with their bullsh**.

I long ago made it a point to not trust anyone (friends and family don't count), and thus far it has served me rather well.
I honestly do not care if I die alone.

Not to sound like an arrogant ass or anything, but I have never even bothered trying.
I deem romantic love/relationships to be unworthy of my time, and more than 5 years of study & observation into the matter have only served to reinforce my decision.

Maybe I will meet a nice girl, or maybe a nice girl will find me - who knows? But I'm not going to wait around for one to appear, nor will I be wasting time/energy/money trying to get one. I have a life of my own to live and enough problems just taking care of my own self.

For all I try, nothing happens.

Then today, I noticed, I just talked with this man and woman, without any thought or oddity. We three talked with ease. Later I remember his eyes and I think. Oh wow, he was beautiful, and I didn't even think of it, I just felt it.

I think that maybe, this time I try not at all, where it just happens, as if we are going to be really good friends, might be as a woman and man are meant to be, when they are meeting. Just as it were, to meet and become friends with another woman.

That there are no longing thoughts of kisses, yet it just is right for us to speak and get to know, each other.

I would certainly want to get to know my girlfriends, before I began kissing them!

I think I like meeting people.