advice about being gay and aspie.

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hi,
i was wondering if anyone could give any experiences with being gay and aspie. i am a junior in college, and am gay and have aspergers. i find it hard to meet people in the gay community because of my social skills, and it can get very lonely being a minority within a minority, and would greatly appreciate anyone with any tips, advice, or even stories. im also not in the whole gay scene and clubbing and all that stuff.

Your college probably has some kind of LGBTQXYZBBQETC* club. You should look into that. Worked for me.


* I don't know about you, but I want to make sure I don't leave anybody out.

pixelsurgeon I know how you feel I am asexual and aspie and it is also lonely being a minority within a minority possibly even more so because a lot of people don't understand asexuality at least they understand being gay. There are websites out there for gays similar to the ones for straight people to find someone perhaps you could look on there. I am a member of Asexuality Visual Education Network and I find it really helps to feel you arent alone.

I don't have any advice, but I know the feeling.

The double minority thing isn't very much fun.

The question is too general so I don't know what you know nor what you need to know.

Do you have any friends/acquaintances that would be willing to go out to a club or bar or something with you? I've been out a few times with friends, we just dance or play pool, but we always end up talking to someone new. I'm not very good about talking to people I don't know, but being in the right place with friends does help. There aren't many choices where I live, but I'm sure NYC has a place that you might like.

...and I just re-read your post with the not into clubbing and all.

I'm not into it either, but keep in mind that the gay community is incredibly diverse. In my limited experience with gay clubs/bars, I've at least seen people that I would get along with.

One night out, I saw a guy just sitting near the pool table reading by himself and a group of people that looked like they would fit better at a goth club.

There are as many types of places as there are people in the community, just like everything else you just have to put yourself out there and find something you like.

I remember being in a similar situation to yourself. Having to deal with my sexuality and at the same time re learning the simplest of social skills. The greatest difficulty I found was that the gay scene in Sydney can be very judgmental and narrow minded sometimes. I always dreaded being dragged out to a nightclub as I simply would not know what to do. When someone eventually would come up to me and say "hey" and would just stand there thinking to myself "the only people who say hello to me are people I know, so where do I know this person from?" Never realizing the guy was actually hitting on me. It didn't help either that I was a non-drinker. Other areas I found challenging were actually a drink. Due to the loud noise and my sensory processing difficulties all I could hear was the "doof doof" music in the background. I could not hear the barman if my life depended on it!

Anyway...I kind of gone of course. From my experience I have learnt it's better to play to your strength rather than focus on your weakness's. I know that due to my apsergers meeting guys in clubs or bars isn't a good idea. Therefore if I am going on a date or meeting a guy for the first time I choose a suitable venue like a chocolate or jazz bar. I have also found that the more liberal and open minded a person the better they are at compensating for my differences. So I focused my efforts on meeting people who were more "outside the box" than your stereotypical gay young person. They have included eccentric russian mathematicians, to outlandish musical theatre performers all the way to professional derivatives traders lol.

Anyway, all the best to your endeavors.