i am really lovesick. there is this girl that i am absolutely in love with, and i dont know what to do to make her give me a chance.
i met her about 2 years ago playing warcraft 3, so we started off with common interests. she was a gamergirl, and i had always wanted to marry a gamergirl. at first.. i thought it was probably too good to be true, and now im thinking it just might have been. she is everything i have ever wanted in a girl. she is absolutely gorgeous, she is wicked smart, has a great personality, she likes to cuddle (and thats my favorite thing in the whole world to do), she has a good sense of humor... her style is awesome, she likes the same music as me... we just have so much in common.
we hit it off really fast. before i knew it we were throwing the L word around like crazy and im not even sure if she meant it. i know i did... unfortunately she saw a better opportunity (someone who lived closer to her) so she decided to go out with him instead of me. they dated for almost 2 years now. she said for the most part he made her happy, but he was also abusive and eventually threatened to kill her. now they are broken up but he is still in her top friends on myspace, and it still says 'in a relationship'. i dont think she wants to let go of him but she knows thats whats best for her. right now she is probably trying to move on, and regretably, my messaging her all the time about wanting to talk probably isnt helping her deal with it. the last message she sent me said 'i just need some space to deal with this s**t'... and that was it.
all i really want is to know that if i wait just a little bit longer she might give me a chance, because that would be the best thing for me out of anything that could ever possibly happen. she would be a reason for me to live... its been a long time since ive had something to live for and it would feel good to have that again. i dont really have much to offer her at the moment, besides my attention and love and support and whatever i can give her over the fone or the internet.
until i get a job (im working with vocational rehabilitation) and an appartment (im working with my community mental health center) she probably wont be able to visit or whatever cuz i have no way of paying for it.
i know if she just gave me one chance at holding her and telling her how i feel, she wouldnt regret it at all. i just need a chance to talk to her again... its been so long since we've really talked (it hurt to much to talk to her when she was with her abusive boyfriend).
i dont know what to do... i can message her on msn or myspace or call her. she hasnt answered any of my calls (prolly cuz she is still getting over him, but she has replied to previous messages (before she said 'i need space')
all of her previous messages indicate that she misses me and that she still wants things to work out between us but i still worry a lot about things not working out. its not that im just losing another girl... its that im losing the best thing that has happened to me. i am so glad i met her because she is everything that i have ever wanted and so much more. i dont want to lose her but i dont want to push her away either. i feel so lost and confused and every time i think about it it just makes me really sad. someone please tell me what to do to not lose her.
thank you.
-tron-
21 Jan 2009, 11:43 pm
