Living in a world fulla couples...
bgtbbum
Hummingbird
Joined: 7 Feb 2006
Gender: Male
Posts: 20
Location: Florida, the boring part without theme parks!
Every single day at school for the past 2 years, I see so many couples. And every single girl I have asked out were either not interested or already in a relationship. It seems like the only girls at school are whorish girls that would only date me once and dump me to lower my self-esteem. Of course, only a stupid person would actually fall in love with them.
So... how can I find love in a world in which practically every "nice girl (looks and personality-wise)" is taken.
I sypathize with your predicament but I was your opposite in high school. I thought it impracticle to date, seeing as I had no intention of marriage any time soon and dating would just tie me up emotionally and time-wise, so why become entangled? Instead, try hanging-out with groups of guys and girls and see what friendships develop. Trying too hard and looking like "I just gotta get a girlfriend" always backfire. I say, if you can't fulfill your expectations, change them. There's too much of life to live to waste time pining away about the opposite sex. (sorry if that's not what you wanted to hear)
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"Honey, would you buy me some boobles for my 40th b-day?" "No way, they're too expensive. Your own baubles will have to do."
"Living in a world fulla couples..."
Was something I noticed seriously about 25 years ago. When walking in St James' Park of a Sunday, and realising that there were almost no other "singles" strolling. Being about the only "one" in the cinema queue. And restaurants don't lay many "tables for one" either.
At the time I wondered what I was missing, and why, if it was that obvious a good thing, I hadn't fallen into or found that arrangement. I still have somewhat mixed feelings about that. Company that was real company would (potentially) be wonderful, but being with people I didn't fit in with, just to be with people, is not worth it.
"I will do anything for love, but I won't do that." (And *that* dates me)
Hmm...I think you've pretty much hit the nail on the head about a situation that I went through. Except that this was someone I met online, not through school.
So... how can I find love in a world in which practically every "nice girl (looks and personality-wise)" is taken.
You are totally sure the reason they would date you once and then dump you was to lower your self-esteem? Not because they simply realized there was no chemistry there and moved on? Or because you let it show that you evaluated them as "whorish" and they weren't going to put up with that?
The unhappy part is that both men and women have a lot of trouble finding dates. let alone partners. And I've heard guys complain that they couldn't get a girl, to girls who can't get a guy, and when you point iout to the guys that so and so is a girl (check out the Harry Potter Four movie for a really good example of that!), they give you That Look as if you are so clueless you totally missed the point. (Well, no. I got the point, all right; I just rejected it.)
Emettman (who's way of thinking seems very similar to that of mine) hit the nail right on the head. Don't go looking for a relationship for the sake of the relationship, putting the emphasis to much on [relationship equals happyness/a relationship makes me less odd in a world that's apparently full of couples].
The key of a good relationship is the chemistry you have with someone, and that's not something that can easily be found. People are all individuals and don't always connect. This doesn't mean that someone that you can connect with isn't out there though.
Finding that someone may be hard, but one thing that could help is getting to know yourself better, with the goal of recognizing your personal drive of wanting a relarionship with a specific person. This may not lead you to your partner in an instant, but could help distinguishing the type(s) of persons you're genuinely attracted to; or, possibly even better yet, the ones you're not genuinely attracted to.
This is by all means not a formula for success in life in regards to finding a relationship, but at least you're being true to yourself.
Ladysmokeater
Veteran
Joined: 21 Oct 2005
Age: 47
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,048
Location: North of Atlanta, South of Boston, East of the Mississippi, and West of the Atlantic
wow i feel exactly the same way. you put it so succintly! i always try to express that feeling and people are like... ummmm wtf why dont you want a boyfriend? lol...
wow i feel exactly the same way. you put it so succintly! i always try to express that feeling and people are like... ummmm wtf why dont you want a boyfriend? lol...
I felt that samw way in high school. Dating is nothing compared to just an awesome person you can hang with but not dating.
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MySpace: awalkintheforest
"I'm so sick in the head I need to be bled dry to quit."
I absolutely and totally agree with you, CHAOS. I have plenty of friends, and most of them are female. I'm really happy having a great friend who is a girl, but we don't have any personal feelings that would make us romantically involved. I can talk to her about anything, and she listens to me when I am upset and miserable. This is all I need in a friendship, and nothing more as I personally don't want our relationship with each other to go any further, as she already has a boyfriend. And she doesn't have Asperger's Syndrome, unlike me. All in all, I don't see the point in having a boyfriend or girlfriend, if you have great friends.
That's true... At my second high school, me and a girl (named Kim) used to hang out together alot, we had similar interests, and personalities. Because we were nearly always seen together at school, everyone sorta assumed we were bf/gf. which wasn't true, we were just good friends. Still are in fact
So yeah, things aren't always what they appear to be.
That's true... At my second high school, me and a girl (named Kim) used to hang out together alot, we had similar interests, and personalities. Because we were nearly always seen together at school, everyone sorta assumed we were bf/gf. which wasn't true, we were just good friends. Still are in fact
So yeah, things aren't always what they appear to be.
I agree GalileoAce,
Considering what I was in high school, the students assumed I was gay anyway because I did not want a girlfriend. But they also wondered why I did not want any close friends. Despite I liked to talk to people, I did not desire having close friends.
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