For the self critical males

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This is for all the males out there who are very self critical, and thus have limited or no relationships to speak of. I think that there are many guys (with myself) who are too critical of ourselves and thus end up being our own worse enemy. We make up criticisms of the way we are are, and then place them as being from others.

So I ask the question to guys out there. Are we really the ones giving ourselves no real chance, or is it that no one out there will give us a chance?

I think if we were to take a good, long look at ourselves we would find out that indeed we come to conclusions (negatives ones) far too quickly and regularly.

I think it's time we acknowledge our own shortcomings, become more realistic and hopefully change for the better...

I know this is difficult as it can be really ingrained in ones thinking. However lets make a decision to try and change, and hopefully the results will be better...

Hello, yes I am! I need to change, I don't know how? I normally just take it out on my body.

i consider myself lucky because i found out very early, i am my biggest special interest and i spend a long time disecting myself. i have moved away from being self defeating a short while back.

i am very lucky not not be able to see myself from the outside, so i have no opinion of myself.
that means i can also never be disappointed with how i am because i just am instinctual on my own level.
instincts can not be judged for virtue.

ok let's do it...let change! haha I'm serious though it's a good thread.

Change or improve?

I believe there's a difference between the two and self-improvement doesn't mean perfection. It's learning to improve how you come off to people in general and trying to look at it from their perspective....not always easy for some of us...even females.

It would be a good thread only if people help and expand on how they helped there self. Not that they don't have a problem, what a waste of time. Is there anougher aspergers site more geared towards a older crowd?

I wonder about this sometimes, too. There are numerous girls with whom I could have probably had a relationship, whom I never bothered pursuing. Now, I look back at those lost opportunities with something I can only describe as regret. At the time, I justified my choices by telling myself that , because of the way I am, there was no real potential for a decent relationship. "It wouldn't have worked out anyway," was the theme of those missed chances. But now, in hindsight, I'm not so sure about that. To be honest, I'm the one to blame. But I'm trying to change. The self-sabotaging mentality is at least a mentality that one can overcome.

I've posted a ton here -- do a search for my name, and see what I've said. I'm proof that even people with social issues and no apparent friends can get a GF.

A lot of guys here are overthinking things, psyching themselves out, killing or ignoring opportunities, and resigning themselves to loneliness.

Quick overview of how to fix things:

1. Stop worrying about girls so much
2. Get yourself a good job or get on that path
3. Move out of your parent's house when you can afford it
4. Make sure you have reliable transportation
5. Evaluate your social skills and take an honest and studious approach to improving those skills, via books, support groups, etc.
6. Get a hobby
7. Join a social group (including church, temple, sports, hobbies, anything to get you expanding your social network)
8. Stop chickening out on life. Figure out what you want from it, and GO GET IT!

I've improved quite a bit from my overly critical self years ago. Developed a philosophy of nothing to lose. Gradually began placing less & less value on victory or people's opinions & just did what I felt regardless of backlash. I would always jump at the chance for a new experience. Sort of the "yes man" philosophy.

It's been quite a ride, mostly good, but not sure it's the entire answer though. I still find it difficult to form close relationships. It's odd how I can be so experienced in the world yet be so socially disconnected.

You're right on the money. The only obstacle is our ego, or at least mine. When I meet with more success, I feel an improved sense of self worth, sometimes this self worth is too much for my own good or too much for other's to enjoy, getting knocked down another peg has become very traumatic for me, but not to worry, I'm not a wallower here, I'm a busy guy with big plans for the future, I just thought I'd cover the rest of this dynamic from my point of view.

dating is a complicated process for me. usually i have no money to show a girl a good time, not that you have to have money to do anything but my check is basically gone before i even get it. plus i fint it hard to go to the movies, and be intrested. period, im a very boring person and not into the scene of popular culture also its seems like once you master one set of skills there are always more. im low maintance, i cant play this game



but im defintley not lacking in the pants. i could make a woman real happy i'd imagine ive just been blessed with a set of unusual circimstances.

I guess any change in the right direction is improvement. I know perfection is unobtainable...

When it comes to relationship prospects I'm only really critical of myself in the sense that since I haven't had any relationship experience to date, and don't have any reason for how that could be, I don't give myself much hope in relationships in future. I don't understand the phenomenon, but I acknowledge that it exists.

There's room on this site. You just have to scroll down a little bit on the front page. It's not that hard

I don't know if critical is the right word or not. Yes, there are probably a handful of women who have personalities that would mesh very will with mine. However, I've never met one. When I look at the marriages/relationships that my siblings have, my friend has and other various acquaintances have, I know I could never function in those situations because I don't have anything to contribute and the girlfriend/wife would ultimately be extremely bored.