Touching

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As in lightly on the arms, on the back, and so on. For "flirting" purposes.

How do people do this? How central/important is it in attraction?

I wonder this myself

I have much difficulty with light touch and getting over-stimulated. It makes for sexual difficulties which I have to constantly discuss and negotiate with my BF. It's only working out because he's patient.

It takes a little confidence to touch people while flirting. At least straight away. Usually a light touch on the arm of hands when asking a question or saying something about them. Accompanied by looking into their eyes to highlight significance of touch.

Dear unholy Gods! How long it has taken for me to get used to tactile contact...

I'd say it's a practice-makes-perfect sort of thing without a formula, really. I used to avoid touching people to the point that I wouldn't even shake hands. Nowadays, if flirting or just being friendly, a pat on the shoulder or touch on the arm suffices.

In my personal (and humbly miniscule experience), I'd say that it adds a marginal effect to your 'performance.' That is, I flirt by overwhelming people with knowledge...and it doesn't seem to matter if I touch them or not.

If you're looking for advice on how to do it, then I would say, simply, don't. If it doesn't come naturally, it may not be a good idea to force it. So many times I've met people just trying to go through the moves, and each time it's much more off-putting than it is endearing. Again, I can't speak for all girls, but I've had conversations about this with girl friends and co-workers, and it seems fairly unanimous.

You can ask yourself who you are. Figure out who you are naturally in social situations. If you can figure that out, you can build on it to make something you can put out there easier. I think for most Aspies and auties, self-insight is something of a challenge and is a big problem in social settings, since they don't quite know how they're coming off. I've even seen this behaviour coupled with the ability to read other people, but with total or near-total self obliviousness. It's pretty amusing in theory, but it's pretty miserable for the individual to experience first hand.

I don't know if this applies in this case, but it's something worth considering, anyway.

I know a lot of Aspies are afraid to just be themselves, and that's understandable. Having a grasp of as many aspects of yourself and your actions is a great start. I think then it would be safe to try out new moves, which everyone does, anyway, whether NT or AS.

As for touch, well, I'm sure some of you saw my thread on that. I'd still be interested in knowing how that's experienced. For me, light touch is an important part of flirting, intimacy, foreplay, and everything in between. Even my friends and I use it on each other, and they do the same with their children. It's pretty universal in that respect. But if it doesn't work for you, try desensitization and altering your psychological reaction to it--for example, try imagining how good it can feel. In an intimate setting, you can concentrate on how much it's turning your partner on, or how much it could the same for you if you let it. This seems to work wonders, but I don't want to speak for everyone.

Personally as a guy, I never do it. I'd be too afraid of coming off as a "creeper".

I'm already used to physical contact by force of living in Mexico, a place where physical contact is something you experience all, and I mean, all the time.

As far as I know, all you have to do is lightly brush your arm or your hand against hers. Do it in a way that seems like an extension of a simple move you're making, not in a way that really seems deliberate. For example, if you're sitting next to her, wait until you have to reach something and use this to brush your hand against her arm.

Touch seems pretty important in indicating romantic interest.

Touch freaks me out in lots of ways. And just the thought of initiating makes me uncomfortable.

There have been a couple of times where I've tried to initiate an embrace... I can sense how uncomfortable it makes other people feel.

It's probably a motor skill thing actually... because you don't know how to properly move yourself in relation to others. If you are clumsy in other ways... I bet intimate touch is a difficult thing for you.

It's probably best just to do it and not worry about doing it right. I think the hesitation can be felt in the touch... so fully commit to it and just see what happens.