Who feels this way?

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The feeling that I somehow don't fit in with the rest of the world has always been constant. Dating and having a realtionship is just another one of those things which I feel "is for others, for me maybe not". Low self esteem I suppose being the main cause of this feeling.

I just look at others my age (and some even younger) who have gf's and I wonder 'how does one do that?' I've just given up now as I don't know what else to do. I've been so useless in trying to be and do what everyone else does, that I don't want to even consider trying to woo a girl. My pessimism tells me 'Why bother? You know whats going to happen'.

I know at least of one guy who'se the same as me. When I heard about his behaviour I stopped feeling so bad about my situation. Can anyone relate or offer some advice?

Last edited by i_wanna_blue on 01 Jan 2009, 8:00 am, edited 1 time in total.

I can relate. Even though many guys like and liked me, I never had a boyfriend, and whenever I liked one, I messed it up. It doesn't happen often that I like someone, but it does occur. I'm stunned by how easy some people get a boyfriend or girlfriend. They just seem to simply do it, whithout minding that getting a bf is hard for some people, and that they might be lucky. They just do it, in a natural way, just as when they want to socialize and get friends. Before I knew I had AS, I thought I was just really shy and socially inept, but now I know it's due to my AS. The only thing I can tell you is that I really can relate. I wish I could offer you some advice, but since I'm struggling with the same and finding an answer, I can't help you.

I'd say you'll find lots and lots of guys on here who'll understand. As a girl, it's not quite the same for me, and I have in my life so far managed to have a bf, but I understand about having trouble figuring out the rules, and not knowing how to woo someone/the right way to go about expressing your interest and gaining theirs, and that sort of thing.

When I was a young child I used to earnestly believe I was an alien. It seemed to my odd little mind that this was the only explaination for how different I was to everyone else!

I would imagine a common aspie mistake for men who "need" a girlfriend is to look at girls only as potential girlfriends. In reality many of the best relationships come from being friends first.

So that being said I think the best advice is to try to be nice to girls that you meet, but not in a creepy "I like you" sort of way. I think working on friendship skills will help the dating department as well.

Kinda similar to the way I felt...



I suppose I'm so way behind on human interaction skills that maybe I should start from the ground up. In this particular area I'm still like a baby needing to grow. I guess if my social growth was consistent with those of others a gf would be something I would hope for at this time. Seeing that this is not the case at this particular moment maybe I should just be content with interacting on any level with others.

I guess it's because I compare myself to other that I judge myself against their abilities. However I'm so way behind everyone else it seems that maybe a gf/love is out of the question...

I agree with I_wanna_blue, as usual. I've always been "romantically challenged" and got used to the thought that these things happen to other people but not to me.

I wouldn't say it's low self-esteem though, in my case it's mostly the fact that I'm completely clueless to tell when someone is interested in me, and if someone is ever persistent enough they eventually get discouraged by the fact that I need a lot of me-time and have some barriers that I'm not willing to cross easily.

How old are you OP?

Last edited by Zane on 01 Jan 2009, 12:49 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Glad to know I'm not alone. Well... I sympathise with you ofcourse, but you know what I mean
I'm clueless aswell. In the past a few of my male friends would tell me "that girl really likes you" and would be astonished. In my mind I would say "really, ok then, what the heck must I do now?" ofcourse I did nothing. But I always wondered if I did try to initiate something eventually my 'boundaries' would probably drive her away...



Yeah thanx Zane, maybe I should let time run it's course. I'll be 24 on Sunday by the way.

What's frustrating from my point of view is that I think I have a reasonable idea of what to do if I hear an attractive girl is interested in me, and have for years, but ever since then I've never been in that situation once (at least IRL). As a clueless teenager I suspect I might have missed a few chances or done things I would come to regret later, but in four years of college the opportunities just haven't been presenting themselves.

I could come up with all kinds of different ideas for this, but I don't really know how true any of them are.

As far as I'm aware, no woman has ever been interested in me (if they have been, they haven't told me, and if they don't tell me, what am I supposed to do?). I don't think it's my looks, so presumably my personality must be repellent in some way.

I still think there's something about how love and dating works that I've not been told.

the 'trick' isn't so much getting a gf, but keeping one...

After finding out from my first wife that a woman was flirting with me, I missed dozens of opportunities in high school and college... I thought they were just being nice or friendly...had I but a clue...

It's probably like the rodeo; you get in, it lasts too short a time, hurts when you land, but you just get up and do it again.

(nothing untoward towards the fairer sex here, it just was a bad analogy. I'm sure sometimes it feels the same way to women, too).

If keeping a girlfriend is the real challenge, then I probably don't stand a chance.

^
My pessimism makes me feel that way aswell. I'm scared that a girl will just find me boring, because I rarely open up and share my feelings and due to my limited interests.

^^yeah that's the main reason why I decided to stop trying. all my attempts at relationships so far only proved to me that being single is much easier that being forced to change. and chances of me being accepted in full are close to zero (sadly, I really am this horrible :p) so I prefer to stay myslef and be my own company

Maybe thats why I am so reluctant to try, maybe deep down I know that the only person who I am compatible with is me. Sometimes this upsets me though. Especially when you see on tele how glamorous having a relationship is, I feel like I am missing out on smething good.