did i do the right thing...

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im in love with my best friend who has a boyfriend and i needed to say something and foolishly sent this to her on myspace... was it the right thing to do or was it stupid of me?...


i dont really know how to say this, but i just needed to tell you that i love you... i know that you only think of me as a friend and plus you have tyler and i know you both really love each other, and anyways you probably wouldnt be happy with me (no one would becuase of my dissabillity) and i just need you to be happy and your happy with tyler, but i just needed to let you know how i feel and how i would do anything for you, i know that by saying this means we probably wont be as good as friends because it will probably be uncomfortable for us to talk to each other but i just couldnt hold it in any longer, i just need to move on and except the fact that you and tyler are together, but i will always be there for you as a friend no matter what and still hope we can be good friends after this...

damn this is awkward...

It is awkward and may possibly cost you your friendship. But I think you did the right thing. I don't see any sense in hiding things, I think expressing how you feel is the correct thing to do because at least she will know. But you need to be prepared for the pain you will feel being around her and knowing that she knows and doesn't return your feelings. It's rough but you can do it.

she just responded with this

its fine. i dont feel uncomfertable. i still want to be good friends with u. i think ure cool.

but i dont know how shes really feeling cuz it was through a computer, and now i completly regret doing that... omg i think i gonna have a meltdown..

Probably not the best thing to do, no, but it seems to have worked out.

Don't expect her boyfriend to be very friendly to you, mind.

s**t... now im even more uncomfortable, cuz she just sent me this... (im caleb)


oh i forgot to say in my last message, jus becuase u have a dissabillity. that doesnt matter. at all. the person matters. not a dissabillity. i was tellin tyler this about a week or two ago, cuz i was talken to him about how ure sad and i didnt like it or sumthin, but i was like, if i was sexualy attracted to caleb i wuld totaly go out with him hes so awesome! and tyler was like, if i was a girl i wuld go out with him. LOL to the girl part with tyler. andd, tyler was saying, how ure awesome and stuff and the right girl will come along who will love u and think ure awesome and jus u will have sumone. because u r awesome. jus yeah i have sumthing special with tyler, and i am happy and love him alot and jus yeah i found the right person and u will too. maybe not today or tomoro or in a week, but u will in the future. but for real, dont put ureself down jus cuz u got a dissabillity. f**k all the ppl who have ever made fun of u for it. i think ure a great guy and a great friend. i jus dont like u in that way and im sorry if it hurts u in ne way. but. i promise. i will always be a best friend for u. always.

Time to move on.

I think her reaction is good. You didn't lose her as a friend and now you can rest assured without the constant 'what if' that happens when you don't tell someone how you feel.

Sorry she doesn't like you back but this is probably the second best response you could have hoped for.

k... i kinda feel better now getting that out and knowing she dosnt feel the same way... weird lol

Inherent risk, but I think it's a better strategy than most others - I'm glad for you that in this case it worked out, and she is being fairly 'in-your-corner' and open in her response. Consider it a challenge met, and keep yourself open to others you meet. Well done.


M.

Well I won't say you're a bad person and I can understand you have feelings for her. But you got to understand where she's coming from.

For one, you've put her into an akward position in regards to friendship. She may still be friends with you but it isn't always a good idea to hit on your friend right away especially when they're already in a relationship. This will only make things more uncomfortable especially if you and he are both in the same room with her.

If you really love or care about her, you need to think about her feelings first. She's in a relationship and you've put her in a spot that's uncomfortable. I only say this because I've experienced this too from a guy who kept hitting on me after we became good friends. Even then, he wouldn't stop.

I notice you also use the sentence...(no one would because of my disability.) It almost makes seem that you're putting her on a guilt trip. Not that I'm saying you posted that intentionally but think how she'll feel about that. She'll feel guilty to the point where she no longer will want to be friends with her unless you can try and get over this infatuation by moving along.

Anyway, at least you admitted your feelings. It might or it might not doom your friendship. Who knows...maybe she has feelings for you too. But there's an appropriate time and place for these things. Not while she has a boyfriend...

Im guessing that was the first time you did that? Honestly it wasnt too bad, just awkward. Realize what I say next may come off as abrasive, I mean no harm.

As miss construed pointed out, you did put her in a bad spot. You knew she was with someone and you expressed selfish feelings instead of respecting boundaries. Its understandable tho, you didnt understand those boundaries as well as you will now.

Heres some pointers for you. please ask me to explain if something doesnt make sense. First off, her saying you're a great guy is a good thing. That doesnt mean you'll ever date her(but start working out if you havent already!), but you can still be friends, to even good friends.

A good move would be to send her ONE message saying, Hey,, Im sorry I put you in that position, it was selfish of me. But you're such a great person, can you blame me?(This is very important, you need to RE-ESTABLISH the friend zone, joking around(and dont leave this in if you copy and paste this!)

Next you admit you've been having a bad week or something, it can be completely fictional, you're just trying to give a SIMPLE explanation. Say You were filling vulnerable and lonely, confiding in a close friend even. Problems at home, whatever.(the truth always works the best tho).

Then you thank her for understanding in your moment of weakness. State you are COMPLETELY happy wih just staying friends and wont bring it up again. Then its as simple as waiting and never bringing it up again.

I didnt catch how old you are but if you're a teenager still in highschool, girls grow up soon enough and stop JUST looking for looks and style(tho they stay important). A women as she ages stops looking for what she's already found, and explores different oceans. in other words types of personalities, looks, job status, intelligence, restraints/protectors(people who restrain from conflict and the opposite protector types who'll "fight for their honor"), providers and codependants.

Never seek pity,sympathy or empathy. THEY DONT NEED/WANT TO FEEL SORRY FOR YOU.(I know thats harsh but its better known now than never) Always be confident because you never do what you cant, and always do what you can. Walk with your head high, shoulders back, chest out, and have some swagger, some charisma. Dont be afraid of the unknown, be curious to seek it out. Honesty is the best policy ONLY when it doesnt hurt them, or it hurts you too much keep in. And if you dont succeed at first, f**k it, do it again, and again, and again(WITH OTHER PEOPLE <<<<VERY IMPORTANT). EVERYONE gets rejected.

MICHEAL JORDAN, THE GREATEST BASKETBALL PLAYER EVER(Arguably), was CUT FROM THE TEAM his sophmore year. DIDNT MAKE IT DURING TRYOUTS. The coach told him he didnt have it in him. He wasnt good enough. His skills werent there.

You were rejected for a relationship, do what mike did. Work your ass off to make yourself what you want to be. You cant be the greatest until you try your hardest, everytime.

I'd say that worked out really well compared to how it went down for me. I told the girl I like in person and she just said: "Awwwwww, thank you"

I also think it's kind of weird because the name of the girl I like is Tyler.