Whoever might have any idea about certain signals...

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I've never had a girlfriend before, but I have a bizarre problem. Every once in a while I get the feeling that a girl is flirting with me (technically I don't get the feeling, I'm pretty oblivious to this sort of thing, I'm basing this on when someone tells me that a girl was checking me out right after said girl left the room). Every single time this happens without fail, I learn that she already has a boyfriend.

I don't really care about getting a girlfriend anymore but this is baffling. I think that I might be sending some unconscious signals that for some reason makes me more attractive to committed women than single women. Whatever would these signals be?

While I'm not sure about "flirting", I've known certain women to appear much more comfortable in my company while taken rather than single. It might just be a coincidence, but they might feel more secure.

Women, especially ones with self-esteem issues or ones that aren't totally settled with their BF/Husband, like to know that they are attractive to other men. It doesn't mean they want to run off with you, but you should still take it as a compliment, and pretty much nothing more than that in terms of your planning. If you're a young guy (under 30) and she is young as well, it might mean that she is considering you as a prospect if her current relationship dissolves, so don't write the person off. Stay cordial and appropriate, and keep your options open.

For the case where attached women seem more comfortable in your presence, it might be that you are nonthreatening or don't seem romantically inclined towards them. Thus, they're not considering you as a prospect, but rather as protective buffer against other men. Watch out that they don't use you, because women will use the "friend" and never intend any sort of romantic payback.

I'm an NT woman and sometimes I flirt. It's true that some women flirt because they are insecure, but as infuriating as it may be, flirting is often very innocent and just part of some people's (male as well as female) social repertoire. When I've travelled to other countries even I get confused because other cultures seem to use flirtation much more casually than we do in the west.

Please don't see flirting as a weapon or threat. Often there is no underlying motive. Personally, if I was in a relationship with a man I never flirted with another to use them as a "buffer," but because it was a fun, innocent way to converse. That said, for every benign flirt such as myself, there are women who flirt and don't consider the flirtee's feelings. Do take flirting by an attached woman as a compliment. You are doing something right because she's engaging in a conversation with you, and honestly, in my own experience I only conversed with men who weren't my BF if I thought they had something interesting to offer conversationally. Do not take flirting by an attached woman to be anything but benign no matter what she says or does. Unfortunately, there are some insecure selfish women out there who will not care as much about your feelings as they do their's.

If it's possible, get to know some stable couples. It's my opinion that women in stable, happy relationships can be beneficial to those who feel confused in social situations. I know I've always felt that way and the great majority of my female friends are the same in that regard.

All right, I am going to resurrect this thread because I just had an experience. I'm 22 years old, for the record. I was at the college's pub. There was a couple hanging out close to me who wanted some drinks. Membership or a signature from member was required to drink there. I offered to sign in so that they could, they were very appreciative. They bought me drinks and the male left to socialize with others after giving me a credit for free drinks. The female jumped into my lap on my chair and talked to me, sometimes about her boyfriend. It was weird because she damn near made out with me on the chair even though she was bragging about how she was about to get engaged to the guy who just bought me drinks.

The original two brought another couple and the same thing pretty much happened. He buys me drinks and she sits on me, gets right in my face and asks me what I thought about her boyfriend. f**k, people confuse me. The free drinks were nice, though, and both of the ladies were quite good looking, although I'm not interested in taken women. I was surprised the guys didn't object to their girlfriends getting all over me.

I doubt I'll ever see any of them again, but it was interesting.

Sounds like they had a little too much to drink.

Clearly, their boyfriends were obviously shitfaced. The girls wanted to talk, though, they seemed less drunk but still drunk.

I still find it annoying, especially since these "fake signals" mean that there is no way for me to tell when a woman really IS interested in me. I just assume that none of them are, which is probably true anyway. At least it saves me the embarrassment.

Amen to that.

There has only been one incident when a unknown girl unprovoced has jumped up in my lap, and, by mere coincidense, she fell out again just as quick. She looked kind of pissed.
She didn't try again. ^^

OK, OK, I admit that what I wrote didn't solve the issue about understanding non-verbal signals, but I was trying to point out that flirting and the people doing it aren't always malicious.

While they weren't playing a game with you, somebody was toying with their BF/GF. Perhaps there was a fight between one of the couples earlier in the evening? Maybe the women were irritated with how drunk their guys were? Alcohol can often bring out behavior and/or emotions we aren't even aware of when sober, like ambivalence over such a serious topic as marriage.



I would've been stressed out! That said, it also sounds like this was somewhat amusing from your point of view (although they do sound irritating), and you kept the right perspective , so here's to an interesting evening at the pub!