Cannot let her go

Post Reply New Topic

Closing in on a year ago today, I met this girl on the internets that lives in the next town over. A week later I met her in person & we became great friends. Now normally I would be interested in a girl, but she was COMPLETELY different! We had so much in common! She was smart & funny & intelligent! &, of course, she was beautiful! (She even showed aspie traits, to some extent) We met 2 or 3 times after that, then she went home for summer break.

I became <s>her stalker</s> obsessed with her every move & wanted to talk or be with her as much as possible! Then she started making blatant excuses why she couldn't see me, even going as far as 2 months into the future. Once I confirmed this by catching her off guard by pointing out a holiday, I went insane. Too depressed to even get out of bed or even leave my room, I eventually neglected my schoolwork & I failed my entire semester at college. I didn't even care to grab my $35 Taekwondo uniform from out of my locker. Suicide threats where in the plenty. She eventually stopped talking to me altogether.

Driven by insanity (& after being awake for like 30 hours), I traveled to her & confronted her in person, to seek at least one obvious answer impaired to me at the time due to adequate amounts of insanity. Her friends eventually let me in & she wouldn't even look me in the eye. She did, however, give me a generic answer, which after being awake for 30 hours, was satisfactory, again, due to my insanity. I came out much worse than I came in, but I'd like to believe I came out much better than I would have had I not confronted her. Eventually, after a few months, we began talking to a minimal extent again.

Months have passed since then, & now it is obvious to me looking back how much of an idiotic ret*d assfuck creepy shitfuck asshat douche I have been. However, my feelings for her still haven't changed, & I usually cry myself to sleep every night.

I know, the obvious thing to do would be to cut off all communication with her & get over her, but I just can't accept that. I know I f****d up badly but I'm afraid I'm just too damned stubborn in my persistence. I want to do everything I can to at least stay her friend. She was a great friend, I can't just let her go.

Ouch!

Well at least she is talking to you - which is a good sign.

Give it time and give her space. Friends tend to forgive and forget. The fact she entertains you at all suggests that she values you as a friend.

Just make sure you don't go down the same road again (stalking etc -sorry to point out the obvious).

In time all good friendships heal.

Good luck!

How much have you talked about this with real-world people?
Family, friends, counselor...

It's good to talk. I don't know how to answer, but keep it coming.

There are no real-world people. At least not anymore.

Well, keep writing here to organize your thoughts.
I'm sure someone around here has some useful insights.
And there's gotta be a guidance counselor or someone at college.

I am in a similar situation.

I didn't pay a surprise visit to her town, but she had some up with outlandish excuses not to talk to me or date me.

i know how this can go. never done the stalker thing though. i've met a wonderful woman with aspergers(i'm not as). we have a lot in common though. we have pushed each other toward our goals and motivated each other. we have fun together going out and just hanging out.

She abruptly cut off contact. i tried calling and leaving messages for a little while without an answer. she finally sent an email saying she was unhappy about where things were heading and wanting some space. I have no clue where we were heading anyway, i thought we were just going to be friends.

I've given her some space i hope she'll want to explain what and why she was unhappy. I feel i was getting to close to her comfort zone as she has told me her relationships never last. I really care for her as a friend, if nothing else comes of it, i'd still want to be her friend. i want to see her happy and will do anything to help her with that.

just take it easy, give her as much space as she needs and let things develop again. you may never be more that just good friends, accept that and hope for the best. i know it will be hard. I've gone through it before.

I've been in this position, and looking back, I can only conclude that I liked her much, much more than she liked me. My chances of being her boyfriend were basically zero, but I never saw it that way. In retrospect, we were much too different, but she was a girl, and she liked me, and that was all that mattered.

Atari, you have to back up and look at this with perspective. How much did you really like her, and how much did you fall in love with the idea of being in love? Of not being alone? Of someone validating you as a man? Be honest with yourself. it'll hurt, but it'll help in the long run.

I think we've all been there somewhat (though maybe not that extreme, you're lucky you didn't get arrested or a restraining order against you), but it's probably a sign of some other things --

A) You've got too much time on your hands, so you're obsessing about things you don't have that much control over in order to make yourself happy. Basically, you're really really bored, and are letting things like this run you and your mind. Get yourself some new hobbies

B) Are you on medication, either legal or illegal? Some of this behavior sounds like it's from an imbalance of some kind

C) Make some new friends and meet some new people. You're not a bad person, you just got caught up with someone. Meet 100 new girls this year, and I guarantee you you'll forget this chick. Meet those 100 new girls by doing the new hobbies mentioned above, and by being more social and joining groups.

All signs point in the direction of platonic friendship, at best. Forget about her ever being your girlfriend. She isn't attracted to you in that way. If you can't accept that, and it disturbs you too much, then it's probably best for you to stay away from her. Whatever excuses she's been making, busy, etc., remember that even busy people will take the time to do things they consider important. You're not in her inner circle, so she should not be in yours.

The internet makes getting over someone harder. Firstly, you are still their friend on Facebook or Myspace or IM, so you are confronted by updates on their change of relationship status, errrr. And you're thinking, oh no, I still think about them so much, but they have already moved on!

So you make your profile cheeful and happy but it's fake, really you are internet stalking them and staring at their newly uploaded pictures of their girlfriend. "Hah, she is completely wrong for him..."(sob)

But you can't delete them as a friend because you share friends....the social intricacies of these sites annoy me A LOT.

In some cases, when people are already in relationships, and they don't contact you but still intend to stay friends (especially if you're of the opposite sex), it could be because they are with someone who is insecure and jealous.

Wow u r 1 f****d up young man. I've been driven mad by depression b4. I'm over it now. It was over lack of something that couldnt happen, doesnt make sense and i dont need. I was just crazy. I think u need 2 give up on this girl. What do u expect, that ull b 2gether 4ever or somethin?