Being compared to an ex

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Has anyone who has been rejected romantically, felt like they were rejected because the one who rejected them was merely noticing similarities between them and an ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend?

Not because we did anything negative, but simply because we were being judged unfairly by the other person's experiences in a previous relationship.

My experience was being rejected because I didn't live in the same town. The reason for that was because a woman I was interested in had dated someone in the past who ended up moving away for whatever reason, and she was ruling me out romantically because she feared that she would, at some point, be reminded of her ex--and no other reason.

I can certainly understand where she was coming from. If I ever end up getting out of this marriage I'm sure as hell not going to get with anyone that reminds me of him because I don't want to get trapped in the same situation I just escaped from. Certainly you can't fault her for attempting not to repeat the same mistakes over again?

I may be the exact opposite of her ex, I just felt that I was judged prematurely.

And it would have only been long-distance until I graduated from college, and it wasn't even that far anyway (about a 2-hour drive, which is nothing). I had the integrity not to drop everything and move to where she was because I really wanted to finish school. Certainly any mature person would be understanding of that.

It's not about distance, it's about being compared to someone else.

I wonder how someone I were to date would feel if I told her "You have so-and-so characteristics, therefore, you are the opposite of my ex-girlfriend, and that's why I like you."

Well, since you're not her, you don't have to agree with her descision. Just have to live with it.

Sorry but it's true.

So if an Olympic runner breaks her heart, she will require that the next person she date be a quadriplegic.

My first ex didn't have a car but he was lazy and didn't want to get his lisence so I decided my new guy has to be able to drive and have a job, not the one he started because I didn't want to be with another lazy guy and make the same mistake again so I can understand where your friend was coming from. She didn't want to make the same mistake.

I didn't move 100 miles away to spite her.

I was nice to her, never hurt her, and was a gentleman when she and I met in person, I was a good listener, and was willing to do anything to her. I put her needs ahead of my own as well.

But those things didn't matter to her. All she saw was one similarity to her ex-boyfriend, and judging me entirely on that.

Her thinking was that all men who live outside of her town are like her ex-boyfriend. All he did was move to another town, but then again, I don't know the whole story.

Tim, it does seem illogical but up to a point it is a fairly true situation and also works in reverse where you might hook up with somebody because you remind her of somebody in her past that she enjoyed being with. There is always an upside to every downside.

She just wanted to be in control over everything.

I tried telling her my feelings about it, but she was unwilling to compromise.

Well then be glad you're not with her anymore.

She was only focused on her needs. My needs meant nothing to her.

Basically, I was defenseless, and had no say in anything regarding a possible relationship. And I feel I have missed out because of it.

If she is how you say she is, you missed out only on unhappiness.