Aspie in New Relationship with NT Woman, Please Help

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Hi,
I am a middle aged male aspie, diagnosed 13 months ago and have separated from a NT woman after 17 years married. Went on a dating site after Christmas and have woo-ed a fantastic NT woman, who I thought I had fallen in love with. We have met 3 times and I spent the night with her on Saturday which was magical. However, since Saturday my feelings for this woman have changed a little. I still really like her, she is a great person and has done nothing wrong, but I'm not sure if I love her any more, even though I still think about her all the time. I hate myself for feeling like this and wonder if it's an aspie type reaction to not trusting myself to not mess up another relationship. I really want to keep seeing with this woman and not want to hurt her in the slightest. What do I do?
Thanks

I made a promise to myself to love no woman unless she loves me... and to take no part in a relationship unless she is a driving force.

Translation : Let her call, let her request your time, and you cant go wrong. Right?

If you think about her all the time then you probably love her. Make it clear to her that you care about her.

My feelings for my AS bf change constantly. Sometimes, I'm deeply in love and sometimes I'm distrustful and pull back. I think it is a normal cycle for two AS in relationship.

men are like rubber bands. a rubber band stretches away then comes bouncing back, stays like that for a while then has to stretch away again for more bounce. men will be intimate but after a while need a short period of pulling away and just need space. then he will bounce back to her and be intimate again until his next need for personal space. perhaps u still like her but just need space atm

Welcome to WrongPlanet

I can see where you're coming from here. Personally I think it might be due to the fact that you were married for 17 years and you are getting back in the saddle again. You are bound to expect some mixed feelings about it all. I know If I was married for that long and was beginning to date again after a separation I would feel a little odd from time to time.

I can see that you really care about her, and that you want this to work. But at the same time you don't want her to be a rebound, coz rebounds are notorious for failing. Of course, this depends completely on the amount of time between your separation and meeting this new woman. I can tell that you wish for another relationship, since you have sought one. So that in itself is a good sign that you at least in your conscious mind, are ready to love again.

As you said, she hasn't done anything wrong, and from the sounds of it she really likes you. My advice is to tell her how you feel and that you do think about her a lot. But also that you wish to take your time. Explain to her in your own way exactly what you feel and she will should understand. If she is worth being with she will understand and allow the relationship to develop on its own.

I hope this has helped you and I wish you the best with your new woman.

Slightly off topic...all the advice above is good. However if you at least like the woman, telling her your feelings have cooled immediately after you have spent the night with her may be cause of some resentment or feeling used on her part. Avoiding her will similarly cause upset if she has feelings for you.

I have no agony aunt or psychology skills, however I know that I have torpedoed prospective relationships early on rather than be hurt or confused.Which has simply hurt or confused someone else

Also as the first person you have dated since your marriage, there must be some anxiety about "where does this go now?". Do you feel you have been unfaithful in a way?

Thanks for all the help guys. I haven't seen her since Sunday morning and I'm pining for her like a puppy, it's almost painful. I actually DO really love her, yippee!! !

OMG I hope you're head over heels in love with her cuz you sound EXACTLY like the man I met online last May. But if you've seen her three times since xmas than you are doing good. My guy does not seem to want to get together more than once a month. He has custody of his 16 year old son who I know is his priority. He will not talk on the phone, only via IM's. He's on the computer all the time but rarely initiates a conversation, so every 2-3 days I'll initiate. Sometimes we have a lovely conversation and other times I can tell he is in a bad mood so i leave him alone. In person he is always wonderful. He's told me he loved me a few times and I finally said it back but his rubberband seems to bounce back and forth a lot and I don't want to seem needy or pushy. Should I back off and give him his space while he's on line and let him do the initiating?

Don't over-analyse feelings.