Does anyone else have trouble dumping people

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I guess there is a common theme wihtin the last two relationships I have: I am not happy with the person I am dating mainly because she is too high maitenence and I perceive it as a conflict with my physics career since she would expect me to spend more and more time with her as relationship progresses. That, plus having physics ph.d. I would prefer to date someone on my level. I can't respect myself otherwise. Yet I am getting the girls who don't even have BA. But what happens is that due to Asperger most girls reject me and I can't get the ones that I would truly want. So, out of desperation, I get on with someone I don't like to begin with thinking it is "better than nothing". Then it wears on me after a while. But then I don't know how to dump them. And then I feel "trapped" and not know what to do.

This brings me to the point of this post. Does anyone else have difficulty dumpting people once you lost interest? I guess there are only two possible scenarios: either I dump them or I give them reasons to dump me. The "I dump them" option doesn't work: First of all, I don't have balls to do it; Secondly, I don't want to hurt htem. How would I explain to them why I dragged them through the relationship if I wasn't interested in them to begin wtih? On the other hand, the option of "give them reasons to dump me" doesn't work either. I mean, I might ultimately be offended by their "reasons" of dumping me pride-wise. In this case one of the two thigns will happen. Either I fight to get htem back and successfully GET them back; but then I am right back at square 1, being trapped in this exact situation I was trying to get out. Or the other option is that I DON"T get them back. But then I will obsess for months and months as to why they were so "judgemental" and didn't give me another chance.

Have any of you encountered such dillemas? What do you guys do in these situations?

lol

I probably would not know how to handle it. It's flaky, but then again other people are also flaky, so maybe we don't really owe it to them to be any less flaky than they are. Maybe it would be easier if the other person had wronged you in some way or gave you a reason to be angry. Maybe there's a missing emotional component that makes it easier to be more decisive.

Then there's the part about how THEY feel. I wouldn't want to put anyone through the paces of trying to make things work with me if I'm not really interested. I'd rather be alone than do that to anyone AND have to inevitably break up with them. I understand about not being on the same level. I suppose the progression into a relationship might be automatic or instinctive if I were evenly matched with someone. Getting out may not eventually be necessary that way.

But look on the bright side. If a date goes badly, or you end up breaking up with someone, you can always say "Well at least I didn't end up having to eat her!", or maybe, "Well, I suppose I'd just end up eating her anyway..." .

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QiTPc2NBfdI[/youtube]

uhhhh maybe just tell the person you are not really feeling it anymore and part ways? it's pretty easy to do.

the real problem here is the fact you'd go through the motions with people you think aren't "on your level". maybe spare them the wasted time and heartbreak and don't date them to begin with. you aren't doing them any favours by taking them off the market when they can find real love with someone who actually respects them. your pride is a big problem here.

Wow, I'm seeing a lot of other problems here that you would be better off addressing before trying to figure out a good method to breaking off a relationship with someone.

I'm not going to rant on this topic but, and this may come as a shock to you, there are plenty of ridiculously intelligent and amazing people with no degrees and a whole lot of imbecilic losers with PhDs and such. The degree does not make the person.

Moving on, then.

Don't settle. You either like a person or you do not. If you do not it makes no sense to develop a relationship with them.

If things change, move on. Do not worry about hurting the other person. Think about this: what are you doing by staying with someone that you don't care for for *their* sake? You are hurting them. You are:

1) Preventing them from finding someone who actually does like them
2) Lying to them every minute of everyday
3) Making the (inevitable) breakup even more difficult because things seemed to be going so well for so long
4) Causing yourself grief and not finding someone who you actually do like

Lying to someone and telling them you care for them when you don't hurts both you and the other person. It is also pointless.

WHY enter into relationships in the first place with people who you perceive as being below you????

Just because they don't have Physics PHDs does not mean they do not posses some level of dignity that should be respected.

grr grr...

In dating someone who I perceived as thinking they were "higher above me"....since they were more educated than I was, and who seemed "put off" by me, and maybe even embarrassed of me and who gave me the impression that perhaps they were dating me because I liked them, and they had not dated for a while due to AS tendencies....BUT when I tried to break up with them so that they could find someone in their league, they totally flipped out. Even though I was as gentle about it as I could possibly be and offered my sincerest friendship.

They flipped out..then shut down...

HOW do YOU react to getting dumped??

Yes, I hate hurting people. But usually I don't find myself needing to, so it's all good.

I have tons of trouble.

I have loads of trouble. It's hard to dump someone who doesn't know you're going out in the first place.

Admittedly, I have stayed in relationships for years for fear of going thru the breakup...

I had a hard time dumping my last ex because he was depressed due to what his ex was putting him through and I didn't want to add more to his depression.