giving up on dating and making friends (for the most part)

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I am getting so sick of the s**t that is dating. I am think of just dedicating the majority of my life to working and making money. Trying to be socially successful is just impossible, no matter what I try I can't get past a certain point. I have tried dating, getting drunk at bars, improving my appearance, getting muscles, getting a nice car, online dating, getting set up on dates, trying to join clubs to meet friends, doing sports... none of that s**t got me a girlfriend or any decent male friends. I know I'm never going to get married because that will just end in divorce, plus I hate kids. So I am really not concerned about ending up alone, the longest I have kept a girl is 3 weeks (almost 3 weeks...) which apparently is a bad sign. At least if I am successful in a job and (at least eventually) have piles of money some girls might think I am not a loser and want to be with me. And if they don't I can just go rent a ho and will have nice toys. I am not saying I will give up on dating and making new friends, I'm just going to make it one of my last priorities and not waste much time or effort on it anymore. I'm tired of feeling bad for not having many friends or a gf. Thoughts?

Amen Space. Don't shut yourself off entirely, but DO focus on YOU. YOU call the shots. When they're young, they're judgmental and stupid. Soon they realize they need guys like us. I'm devoting myself to my work as a documentary filmmaker, and as a runner. Gonna give my all to become a great athlete, and a skilled artisan. I slowly but surely realized that NTs (especially women) are shallow, rotten people, who will never like us for who we are. I'm convinced no one will ever want or like us for who we are. But by making ourselves better than them, they will respect us. We'll have the power, and they can eat crow! Think of that class reunion, when you're wealthy and athletic and vibrant, and everyone else is locked into a 9 to 5 with an overweight cow of a wife and a couple of rotten leeches for kids, counting down they days until they die of heart disease. Know that you're better and work to prove it! The rest will follow! Stay strong!

Best idea of '09
I'm having a pretty fun extreme Bridge Burning party for myself.
The best part of Karma is giving back!

Very good idea Space. You do need to focus on yourself, but all the relationship I have seen that lasted came from good friendships. You might actually, in your frustration solve the very issue that frustrates you. Girls know when you are in need of a relationship, and they normally worry about what baggage you are brining to the table, emotional hangups and stuff. We naturally come with a bag of those by default. They frigging run like hell if it just appears you are broken, asperger not incuded. I personally think that asperger's bring a lot more good than bad to a relationship. The problem, as can often be seen here, is that due to lack of understanding we all carry a lot of hurt. NT's also do, but they actually find moving on a lot easier. We first have to "re-invent the wheel" before we can move on

By focussing on yourself you would actually be able to deal with a lot of the hurt and frustration. When the lucky lady eventually arrives on the horizon you will be a lot more settled within yourself, and be able to provide her with a much more complete mate in yourself.

This is just my opinion based on my experience and introspection.

Hey, if you really think you have done all that you can, then it's a good idea. No use being Sisyphus right?

Focusing on your needs for once, improving yourself, and doing what you love will make you a happier and more positive person. This will in-turn, attract better people into your life that share similar interests (friends, girlfriends).

Like someone once said, before you can build a house, you need a solid foundation.

KenM,

Things develop in unusual ways. I knew (know) a guy who's the same age as you. He hadn't had a girlfriend in fifteen years. He's short, kind of heavy, and, to be honest, not that good looking. No job. No car. Still a student. One day, he meets a woman in her mid-20s. She's not the most beautiful woman, but she is nice, reasonably cute, slender, good figure, kind of ditsy in an endearing way...well, they hit it off. They fall in love hard and fast. They're going to be married soon in fact, only a year-and-a-half after meeting.

Of course, the only wrinkle was that she had married me within seven months of meeting me and we were still married when they met. So she leaves right before I'm set to take the bar exam to become a lawyer, sending my studies into a tailspin. Right as my career is set to take off, she decides that there is more to life than money.

Yes, I do think you should focus on your studies etc, but still keep trying to date on the side.

Every ad you place, every girl you meet, improves your odds. It only takes one.

But, not making it the main focus of your life will help you to be patient.

resorting to prostitutes is a silly idea IMO - i'm sure the average female (or male for that matter) has more love and respect for the 40-year-old virgin than the 40-year-old sleazy prostitute using loser.

[quote="Thoughts?[/quote]

Hey Space,

I'd like to share with what I have experienced.

I didn't go on my first date until I was 17. Not a big deal except that my friend pushed me into doing it (it was a double date) and would not relent until I agreed. I was so nervous. Looking back, my anxiety was through the roof. The date actually turned out great. She called me later that week and hinted about getting together again, but I am very "social clueless" and didn't realize she wanted to see me again until years later after analyzing the whole situation over and over in my mind.

I didn't go on another date again until I was 20. Very awkward for me and the few dates I had were again (looking back now) filled with anxiety, social ineptness, and probably other things on my part that I am unaware of. This stage lasted only a few months, then another long time frame without any dates.

Next time is 24. I finally have my first girlfriend. It only lasts 7 weeks. On one hand I am happy that I finally have a girlfriend. On the other hand I was terrified for I didn't know what I was doing or how to handle it all. My emotions are all over the place. Anxiety, guilt, lack of sleep, etc... looking back on it all, it was more work than fun... and her and I never argued.

I didn't date again until I was 26. A few here, a few there. All of them ended very quickly and without much to show for it. Very awkward. Even a few times frightening for myself -especially if things started getting intimate. I wanted to be close to a woman, but when such an opportunity arose, the emotions that are connected to such an event, well they were overwhelming for me and drove me back to my seclusion (a safe place emotionally for me).

I became frustrated. This turned into anger. I had no one to talk to. I had no real outlet for it all. I didn't understand why I could not find someone to be with. Other people had it, why couldn't I? I had no answers.

The late 1990's through 2002 were what I call my "dark phase." I had all this anxiety, anger, and hatred of life. Some from work, but most of it dealing with dating and social interactions. Like I said, I had no one to talk to, nor any outlet for all this emotion. Depression set in. I had days I would wake up in the morning and just sit at the foot of my bed in the dark and stay there for hours. I couldn't find a logical reason to get up and "go." Life to me seemed/felt meaningless. A few times during that phase of my life I beat myself. Nothing serious, but I did hit myself. It didn't feel good and I was ashamed of it afterward, but I got so overwhelmed with all that emotion that I just did it. Then I became obsessed with death. It seemed so clear, so full of clarity... like it was a sheet of clean glass, or still water... not like the daily chaos of life.

I was torn in two. On one hand part of me wanting to connect with the world around me; to be part of someone else life, and to share part of my life with them. Then the other part of me that needs isolation and seclusion from all the things in life because they are overwhelming to me emotionally...and not understanding how to interact with my own species.

***

Anyway, I just wanted to share a little about my past, so you know that I was moved when I read your post on being frustrated/feed up with dating.

You are your own man and can and will make decisions for yourself. It is your life. I agree with what your wrote about dating and not wanting to deal with it. Focusing on a career is good from the standpoint that you need a place to sleep and food to eat. Sure. Definitely.

However, I wish to encourage you to still put effort into making new friends. Yes, it can be just as hard as dating, but... let me just say I know what it is like to be all alone and when you surround yourself with things and stuff you don't feel like you have accomplished anything, but rather feel like you are making your own tomb.

I don't have many friends. Some of them I only see a few times a year. Still, I see that as a good thing for it gives me something to look forward to. It is better than nothing.

I will end this here. I have rambled enough. I hope something I typed here made sense.

You should have a break if you are getting frustrated.

Maybe try and look at dating as just fun and don't take things to seriously until someone is seriously interested in you.