When choosing a partner who needs to...

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fit the criteria, You or the Potential other? Or both?

I think for me I never fit any criteria which I assume girls expect. So I never give myself a chance. To be honest I don't even have a set of criteria for the potential other. I think I will like anyone who likes me back. I sometimes see that males on this site (especially myself) tend to be rather cynical when it comes to finding love. Maybe we place too much expectation on ourselves, and maybe girls are more open to us 'being ourselves' than we think. Just a thought.

What do others think? Do you perceive any flaws of your own to be insurmountable thus meaning no love, or companionship?

I do see an insurmountable number of flaws and quirks in myself. I know women are good at spotting flaws in guys, so I figure they'd have no trouble finding a reason to reject me.

The only flaw that I would really mind is lack of communication

ironically, my aspie boyfriend and I communicate better than my family and I do, so it works out perfectly. he may have a million flaws (I dunno) but I don't especially care, he can communicate.

moral: there is hope!

I don't have criteria. I think that 'criteria' may be one of the big problems a lot of people have. If you take a chance on someone you never know who will surprise you. I took a chance on a girl who seemed terrible for me, but easy enough for a quick lay (she knows this already). And honsetly, she was after the same thing. But I discovered that she was perfect for me.

So are these flaws, flaws by your own account or have people pointed these out to you? The point I am getting at is, who falls short of your own criteria's: You or the Potential Other? And if it is You, how did you come to this conclusion? Maybe we sell ourselves short for no reason.

I don't have 'criteria' as such, in the way that some say "I'd like a ginger-haired girlfriend", but there are certain deal-breakers and they are things I wouldn't do myself. So THEY have to fit MY 'criteria'. The good news is that the bar is not that high at all, it's just that the people who like me and the people I like aren't the same.

AHA!!

this is normal. NT, aspie, across the board. this is normal for almost everyone.

Well, I don't think my logic is unfounded. As a little experiment, I have browsed women's dating profiles to see what their criteria was, and I never seem to meet all of it, or even most of it. And I've read posts on WP where women talk about why they broke up with their Aspie boyfriends, and I keep seeing shades of myself in their descriptions. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that guys with flaws like mine are in low demand. It's too embarrassing for me to elaborate much on what those flaws are (you can probably guess a few of them) but trust me, they get pointed out by other people all the time, even made fun of, though usually not directly at me.

^
I can understand your apprehension when it comes to challenging ones own beliefs of what others seek of you. Sometimes for me I think it is easier to say: 'I am not good enough' than to try and get an actual Yes or No. I wish I wasn't in this boat either, and it is difficult to fundamentally change an outlook which is so ingrained in one's psyche. Cyberman it looks like we certainly have something in common.

The other person, unfortunately, which I know is a problem and is almost certainly the reason why I am not in a relationship. Although I am trying not to be too hard on myself, and to change my perspectives and loosen up slowly without forcing things.

Perceived "flaws" that may be insurmountable: being mindblind and borderline asocial. But I don't think it really worries me (though I can't be sure as the mindblindness extends to my own somewhat.)

I have actually created a set of criteria that I use to 'grade' a prospective date/mate. Intelligence, problem solving, personality, physical ability, creativity, and resilience. I use a graduated scale, so for each criteria you fulfill, for example if you are good at logic problems, that's a point in problem solving.

There's nothing wrong with having criteria, as long as people don't base most of their criteria on outer apperances, wealth, or social status only. I think this is one of the major problems with society.

Some of my criteria:
* Someone that shares the same values and beliefs.
* Someone that shares a similar family backround, or lifestyle
* Someone that is like-minded (smart, funny, etc)
* Someone that is caring and understanding.

Basically, I'm looking for someone that is enough like me that we get along and understand each other, but different enough, so that we don't get on each other's nerves.

Most people are embarrassed to be seen standing near me, let alone actually talking to me, so i guess it's me who doesn't fit people's criteria.

But where the difference lies is in how you work with what you perceive to be flaws. You can read that Sally broke up with her Aspie boyfriend because of certain flaws. You see yourself in him, so you don't think you have a chance. But maybe howyou handle your issues is different than how Sally's boyfriend handled his. Just because you have similar issues as another guy, it doesn't mean you can't be successful.

I really do think that the guys around here don't give themselves enough credit. There's so much media attention about relaltionships and what they should look like. In reality, I don't think it's true to form.

thankyou for expressing what I was feeling. I totally agree with you.