Friend Zone :)

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So what do you guys think about this situation?

I've been in college for 6 months with this girl and we've been friends for a while... So anyway this girl is kind of bossy, but we've had an interesting relationship over the past 6 months. For a while we weren't the best of friends, but eventually we've become better friends. I am friend zoned though, as she talks about other guys she likes and whatnot.

Despite this I have a major crush on this girl, but she doesn't know it. I've told some of my guy friends that I like her and they don't really think she is the right girl for me because she has a really assertive personailty. I don't really care though , but she has other guys that she likes and this is a problem. Despite all this she invited me to ride home with her yesterday which is nice and whatnot, but still she just likes me as a friend. So would it be a mistake to eventually give it a try and ask her out? Or would it just be better to have patience and just be her friend and move on?

You probably should move on to someone else romantically and just remain friends with the other girl. Don't put all of your eggs into one basket.

Well I don't...but still...

If you don't have an assertive personality and she does, I can tell you right now, speaking from the other side, that even if it did come to you two hooking up, that could be a really large issue. Both my ex and current (possibly soon-to-be-ex) have passive personalities, while I'm assertive, aggressive and spastic. It's a nightmare.

Crushes, limerence, and need for acceptance are all blinders to reality when it comes to pursuing people. Keep your priorities in check and never compromise your own needs, until you're with someone and working for love. Love is about giving with understanding, not receiving fully, which is important to understand.

Don't ask her out, TAKE her out, preferably for drinks, and try your best to charm her.

I have AS.

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Last edited by lotusblossom on 01 Mar 2009, 2:34 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I think its as much a question of doing the right thing as it is trying to get a date, you clearly have romantic feelings for her, as your friend I think she deserves honesty about that.

Disclaimer: follow my advice at your own risk.

You have a crush on someone, and this is good... you're already fairly certain that she is not interested, however. Is it worth trying? Perhaps, but if you value the friendship then it might be best to let it be and keep your eyes open. Be friends without an agenda, and who knows what may happen.


M.

I'm not sure how much I believe in the "friend zone" as it is often described. I'm aware of plenty of people in relationships starting out as platonic friends, sometimes for a period of years. However, if a girl talks to me about guys she likes, or gives me a sort of match-making proposal (even as innocuous as advertising something with "there are a lot of new interesting girls in this society") I'd be more inclined to believe she isn't into me. Not because of this "friend zone" construct, but because of something more concrete: if she was into me, I imagine she'd have vested interests keeping her from saying those things.

I wouldn't give up all hope, but be cautious. Perhaps take her out for a coffee/drink (not something more serious) and gauge her interest.

I understand where you're coming from brother, I really do, but making excuses won't get you laid. Just saying.

I like Hector's idea. Get her to hook you up - and do the same for her.

Be eachother wing man. If she does harbor any iterest this may help it come out.

As the saying goes: A great friendship can become a great love - but a great love can never become (just) a great friendship.

That's not really what I meant, more that if a girl talked to me about guys she liked or tried to set me up with other girls I'd feel more inclined to write her off as a prospect.

QFT warface.

Once I got out of my "But, but, but... I have AS" hole, I was able to grow a lot more as a person, and become more assertive and, well, more "charming".

I got that.
I still like your idea - I just thought I would extend from it.
No need to write her off - just play both angles...

of course if he is love sick... trust me I know about that... very counter productive.