Passive aggressive behavior in my dates

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I have noticed, the last few dating experiences I have had have gone like this:

I date the girl once to four times, I think everything is ok, they say they will call me and that they had fun, and then they will not pick up my calls, respond to my messages, or call me back.

This is very passive-aggressive behavior.

My second problem. The women will not give me a straight answer when I wonder what is wrong, and I am basically left hanging. One girl, I had to hear it 3rd hand what went wrong on our date. What did I do that was so bad? I basically make a harmless comment about something that she got offended by (nothing or a racist, sexist, homophobic nature), and then decided to write me off then. This despite being A) generally well mannered B) dressing well in nice clothes and being physically fit and C) paying for the dinner/movie etc.

So my problem is two-fold. I do something that I don't even realize is offensive to a girl, she won't tell me what it is, and then instead of even addressing what is wrong, she claims that everything is great and we'll see each other again, at which point I get the passive-aggressive avoidance of any contact.

This is the sh1t that pisses me off. I work so hard to get up to par with NT people, work on my looks, social skills, become a better person, actually GET a date, nothing really bad happens, and then I get this crap. I am a pretty honest and upfront person, and I will never figure out what is wrong in these scenarios. I guess that means I am socially ret*d? It's hard to even concentrate on the point of dating and figuring out what I want (I am #1 after all), when I have to be all worried about offending someone by simple and innocent behavior when they won't even tell me what I did wrong.

Anyway, this s**t pisses me off. I am apparantly going on a date tonight with a girl I met on plentyoffish, hopefully my efforts will pay off this time.

That's very rude of them. If they liked you enough to go out with you (especially more than once) then they should at least offer an explaination.
Unless you're just having the misfortune of hooking up with shallow people who just want a free ride and will use any excuse to end it, unfortunately they're out there.

You don't sound like you're doing anything wrong to me, I hope your luck improves.

in many women (but not all), there's a whole 'nother level of communication going on. You're saying things that you don't even realize (or actually aren't saying, but they're taking it as they want).

There's a statement. It requires a certain response. You have so many seconds to respond, with the 'correct' answer. You don't give the correct answer. Or you don't answer at all.

She accepts this as a snub, a brushoff, an insult, or sometimes sweet, funny, or totally random.
There is no way (for many NT men, not just us) to know how it will play.

If you don't respond in time, it's 'never mind', and you're on your way out. you're not going to get an explanation, because you've hurt them, and to explain it would only compound the hurt/annoyance/situation.

It's one of life's mysteries. Wish I had an answer...

I thought you weren't interested in dating anyone anymore....

Anyway, maybe you shouldn't work so hard at it, I mean my sister has dated many guys that're not exactly what I'd call Don Juans.

There are other things I'd bring up here but I don't want to come off offending anyone....it's just pattern I keep seeing on here about how you guys try to date girls.

What?? Say them

No really....I don't want to get eaten....

Space.

I don't like it how women just ignore you and rather than say they are not interested. I don't think it is passive-aggression, they do it because they will feel bad rejecting you and just don't want to face up to doing it. Just look at it as a sign that she isn't interested in you. You want to be with someone that is genuinely interested in you ,don't you??

Yeah and I hate how women expect you to be mind readers. That is why clear conmunitication is the best.

Also quit blaming yourself, you are doing all you can and putting in a good effort. You are powerless to do anything more. Keep going..

You won't tell us because, like those women who dated Space, you don't want guys to know what they're doing wrong?

^No and that is not what I MEANT.

Hey good luck!

The irony of a woman not wanting to tell me what I'm doing wrong in a thread about women not telling me what I am doing wrong

OK, you come off too desperate and clingy.....makes me think of the movie Fatal Attraction also you guys seem to really put most of the blame on the women here. I mean if women are to blame for all your insecurities and flaws...might as well not date em' eh? They're all evil and there's not a thing wrong with you.

Geez...

at least you're being honest

Now why can't women be this honest and straightforward? To me there is nothing offensive about honesty.

I had exactly the same experience as Space recently. I went on a couple of dates with a lady that I’d met and I thought that things were going well. At the end of one date, we arranged to see each other again, then nothing – my calls, messages and emails to her went unanswered.

Thanks for your honesty. None of us want to keep making the same mistakes over and over again.
Anyway, good luck to Space on the next date.

To the OP:

You're overthinking it, and probably by that making the react even worse to you.

Have you seen the movie Swingers? If not, watch it very soon, then think about it, and in multiple ways. The lessons, the theme, etc.

And really, maybe you're not doing anything really wrong -- these chicks just aren't into you. You gotta find the right one. You can't bemoan "What can I fix with myself?" or "They're all too fickle" --- sooner or later, something like that is going to happen with someone who isn't right for you. Most people are not compatible for long term relationships with eachother -- you have to find the 2% that are, and that's by trial and error, and maybe in better choices in who you date.