I'm doing the wrong thing hear.

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There’s a girl I really like at my school, and I, being so god damn shy, wont be able to say it too her face or even under my own email address. So I made an email address under the name of 'Mr.X' and sent her 2 emails through her school email address (my school has a website we can go on which has an email section) and sent her 2 emails; the first one I sent was the message 'I love you.' and then I sent 'Im not joking. I love you, but who would love me?' to her a day later. She will probably think the emails are just sent as a joke or even think they are coming from a paedophile of something and is probably wishing she never got those emails now, but I felt I had to do something. If she does find out it was me she would probably be sickened (I’m not very attractive) and just try to get as far away from me as possible anyway. What shall I do? Has anyone experienced anything like this?

Yes. In the days before the internet, it was done with handwritten notes, slipped into a notebook or a locker. Most of us have probably done this, have felt this way, and have lived through it. Unfortunately, I have no advice to offer on the matter.

Written messages like this will typically not get you anywhere. Don't say "I love you". Usually the person won't be able to handle it and they will just put it off like it never happened.

Verbal communication is the only way to go. Life's a b***h, I know.

Yeah, that was a wrong move double-whammy there. Just suck it up and tell her you're interested in her to her face, not that you love her.

Just leave her alone.

Actually yeah, another thing is - DON'T TELL HER YOU SENT THOSE EMAILS. She will think you're a stalker.

I wasn't planning to. I really hope I haven’t upset her, and the fact she didn’t come in to school today doesn't help. I hate myself now. I have got a few other options though. I could use the school email to guess her password and delete the emails, I know I shouldn’t just go around hacking into peoples email addresses, but if the emails are in bold then it means she hasn't read them yet and if I delete them then I can forget about the whole thing. What I’m planning to do is to use the same email address (under the name of MrX) to send her an email something along the lines of ‘I’m sorry, I don’t want to upset you. I’ll leave you alone now.’.

No, don't send her anything else, even an apology, you're going to get close to harassment. I'm willing to bet that the school or even police will have some way of tracing the IP address or the email so I'd really not bother sending any more from that account. And don't hack her account either, that's a really terrible idea.

I'd probabyl chalk this one up in the 'loss' column and move on, honestly.

No, no, you're just over-thinking it. Just leave it alone now. It will pass.

Leave her alone, at least for several months or until next year. Don't hack her account. Don't apologize. Don't worry. Her absence is most likely completely unrelated.

Listen you're 14. There's plenty of time to hate yourself later in life. You've made a few mistakes in your pursuit of this girl but consider it a lesson learned. Do not under any circumstances tell a girl you've never spoken to that you love her. Do not hack into her email account. Do not send her anymore email messages. Otherwise you're doing a fine job.

I understand exactly how you feel. Trust me, I've been there, and it was horrible. One thing I never considered, but would have helped tremendously was to get into some clubs, and become active. If there's a chess club, or something you could be remotely interested in, become an active integral part of that.

If you can get past a lot of the social barriers without obsessing about relationships, eventually you won't have as many problems picking up dates. When you see the cute girl across the room, chances are she'll say yes. The main thing is you have to quit obsessing about this. It's more detrimental than you think. Focus on clubs, academic success, get everything else in your life to fall in line, and relationships will soon follow.

> If you can get past a lot of the social barriers without obsessing about relationships, eventually you won't have as many problems picking up dates. When you see the cute girl across the room, chances are she'll say yes. The main thing is you have to quit obsessing about this. It's more detrimental than you think. Focus on clubs, academic success, get everything else in your life to fall in line, and relationships will soon follow.

I think that's exactly right. I, despite being female and supposedly over the hill and utterly undesireable because in my 40s, finally found someone by not looking, just trying to be the person I wanted to be and treating people how I wanted to be treated. Chasing people brings destructive and futile cycles. Move on with lessons learned.

I'm going to shoot myself now. I was waiting for a reply to my post for a while and I was feeling really bad about the emails, so I just.........well.........sent the apology anyway. Yeah, terrible thing to do, I know. The police getting involved would be the worst thing that could ever happen. I wouldn't be able to show my face in school again, especially with her around. I promise, I'm not going to send her any more emails or do anything that will in any way make the situation worse again, but I fear its already too late.

Last edited by robo37 on 20 Mar 2009, 12:55 pm, edited 1 time in total.

> I fear its already too late.

Try to relax. If you by some chance are confronted on it, just spill your guts and say you figured out it was dumb and be very apologetic.

Wwith all the problems with bullying that gets out of hand, I doubt anyone will follow up on 3 emails. YOu have learned from your mistake. Pat yourself on the back.

It's not too late and it's not the end of the world. All you did was send emails saying you loved someone. Granted someone you didn't know but we'll save that for later. Nothing you've done is a crime yet, nothing that the police would want to get involved with. Unless you continue emailing or bothering her.

The best advice for you right now IMO, you have to realize you probably have more dating experience than I do, is to leave this girl alone. She's going to be uncomfortable around you because of your professed love for her. I was going to say maybe smile at her but I don't think that's a good idea either. Just leave her alone, don't stare at her, don't sulk around her just leave her alone.

I know you feel pretty badly about how things are going but you've shown real cojones sending those emails to begin with. Not a lot of smarts to send them but definitely cojones. You have the brains to figure out how to get a girl to like you, now use it.