In love with friend who still loves her ex bf?

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What should i do?
Tell her 54%  54%  [ 7 ]
Ignore her 46%  46%  [ 6 ]
Total votes : 13

CambridgeSuperman
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17 Mar 2009, 4:48 am

I've fallen in love with a friend of 6 years who recently broke up with her boyfriend who she met a year ago. The really ironic thing is that I only saw her in a girl-friendly way when she started going out with this guy. She came to me as soon as she broke up with him and went on about how she will never stop loving him despite what he did to her. Me and her ex are like complete opposites and from the sounds of it I have none of what shes looking for in a bf. Should I tell her how i feel or continue just as normal friends. Problem with the latter is that i now deliberately avoid her cos i don;t want to hear any more about how wonderful she still thinks her ex is.



Gremmie
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17 Mar 2009, 5:46 am

Personally if I was in her position, having someone I trusted as a friend tell me something like that would really hurt. I don't know, this is a tricky one. I'd leave it and try to get on with life. If she still feels like she loves him then she's probably not ready to hear that sort of thing. Of course I only know from my view point but yeh... I'd let her be for now.



EnglishLulu
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17 Mar 2009, 9:20 am

Why don't you suggest fun distractions? If she starts talking about him, tell her you want to help her forget about him and move on. Instead of indulging her, just cut the reminiscences off, tell her she needs to look forwards and not backwards, and if she insists on talking about him, set a time limit, say okay, I'll listen for the next five minutes, or until I've finished this drink, and then we're going to change the subject and forget about him for the rest of the night. Suggest going to see a film, or going to a gig or the theatre, to give her something to look forward to and take her mind of it all.

And then see how it goes from there.



Kenjuudo
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17 Mar 2009, 9:29 am

Don't tell her, but invite her to picnic. Dedicate all your spare time to her. If you ever get an (often "uncomfortable" for Aspergers) eyecontact with her, tell her you like her.


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CambridgeSuperman
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17 Mar 2009, 12:45 pm

Thanks for the advice. Yes you're right that being aspergic doesn't make it particularly easy for me to express how i feel with the right level of emotion. She's actually the only person I've told about my AS and she was incredibly understanding.

My main worry is obviously that she gets completely freaked out and we end up feeling too awkward to even be friends. And I really value her friendship but i also find myself thinking that i'll be willing to give up everything for her and need her to know that



Kenjuudo
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17 Mar 2009, 1:03 pm

Tell her that in a letter. Also explain why you write a letter instead of saying it to her face to face.


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khelben1979
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19 Mar 2009, 12:23 pm

I voted: tell her.

If you see her as your friend you should have no problems at all telling her exactly how you feel.


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Fnord
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19 Mar 2009, 5:21 pm

Ignore her. She's just not that into you.


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Evenflowman454
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19 Mar 2009, 6:22 pm

Fnord wrote:
Ignore her. She's just not that into you.


:lol: :lol: :lol:

Kind of like the movie just she not he. :lol:


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Tuttle
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19 Mar 2009, 7:22 pm

Neither, support her now, if she's your friend then she should be supported. She's not ready for another relationship, but that doesn't mean she doesn't want friends.

If she asks because of how you're acting, tell her, but not otherwise. If you're still interested in her once she has calmed down about this relationship, then you can see if one would develop.

This is just my opinion though.