Tell us what you've been through.

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I know I've been through a lot. There were times I didn't think it was worth living if I couldn't get a date. I was completely worried I would die alone. I know how a lot of people in here feel. I just want you all to know you're not alone, and you're more than welcome to share your stories, how upsetting it is, and any advice you have.

If anyone's made it through, it might help if you told us your secret. Might not help all of us, but one or two might pick it up and make some use of it.

well, when I felt life was not worth living, it was because I was living in a tent in the woods and it was raining and my tent leaked. I was cold and hungry because my food was running out far before the next time I could get food again. And the wind blew through the pines far above my head.

oh, you are talking about not getting a DATE, oh, sorry!

Merle

Is this intended to be the L&D forum's verstion of FML?

I'll tell you what I've NOT been through. Love.

No story comes to mind except one I had that was unlovable.

I don't forsee myself in the future ever having a relationships. It's in my stars and I have a history of being used and being rejected.

Meh... dumping my life history doesn't appeal to me - short form is five relationships of more than a year, some intermittent dating, engaged once before, presently engaged to my best friend of many years. I've been dumped, dealt with false accusations, been cheated on, spent years at a time without dating at all... I've lost a lot. At the same time, these are instances where a specific did something that hurt me - there are perhaps less than a handful of instances where the action reflected so strongly upon the person that there was an absolute identification between the two. So while I may become accustomed to a situational reaction, it is from the situation and not related to the other person or potential fears. The best thing I can suggest, is that the common theme in many of threads is the desire for a relationship, not for a person. When I feel that way, it makes me uncomfortable; for someone more sensitive, I cannot fathom how it would make them feel. When I have hungered for a relationship, I have been alone... when I have been comfortable alone is the time I find someone, or when I find myself drawn strongly to a specific person, then I find varying levels of success in relationships.


M.

Absolutely nothing, unless you count watching my love interests in the arms of other guys.

On the subject of love.. not a whole lot. I'm too cut off from the rest of the world to really meet anyone, so there have really only been two cases where i was even interested.
The first was a girl i sort of knew in high school, but never got the courage to say anything to.
Ironically, i found out ON GRADUATION DAY that she knew one of my friends, now THAT was a punch in the gut.
The second was a girl who had been a friend of mine beforehand, who turned me down when i said i was interested. That one hurt, but she was genuinely trying to be nice about it, and we're still friends.

That's about it, I'm pretty convinced at this point that its never going to happen to me. *shrugs* Such is life i guess.

There are worse things than not having a romantic relationship. My early teens, for example. Living in shady motel rooms week to week, not having food, not knowing if my family and I were going to be out on the streets because my mother couldn't afford the next week's rent... those were bad times.

I once became suicidal because my ex fiancee broke off our relationship, but I was 17 and completely smitten with her.

It does hurt sometimes, because it seems like it's easier for NT people to have romantic relationships, but it isn't the end of the world. I've had good relationships and relationship that put me well over $7500 in credit card debt due to being naive.

There are a number of women who enjoy my varied eccentricities and random knowledge, it's just a matter of meeting them. I've dated women who wanted to date me simply because they were attracted to me, and that's not a lot of fun. The few relationships where someone actually wants to be with you because you're you are the ones that are worthwhile, and they're rare in my experience.

You may find someone or you may not; learning how to enjoy life independently of having a romantic relationship is one of the most worthwhile skills I've learnt.

i like dates from iraq better than californian dates. i am not sure they wash their hands in iraq, so i am skeptical of the hygiene, but they are better than californian dates which are too fat and soft and squishy.
i usually eat them with a swipe of butter on them.


i do not care if i die alone. "someone being there" would not save my life.



my story is of no help to anyone else.
my life's experience, to me, is mostly just a string of unrelated trivial occurrences.
what i perceived from my life is only meaningless details.

i think if a more aware person lived the exact life i have, they would remember the important things, and the direction in which it has come.
all i know is here i am at this stage of life, and i forget how i got here. i remember situations, but i do not remember how i dealt with them or what i felt (if anything).
i have no idea how i was feeling last year even... let alone before that.
sometimes i read stuff i wrote years ago, and i can not see how i wrote it because it is like the words from a different person.

anyway, the chronology goes:
* primary (elementary) school. i lasted the 6 years, but i was in a special education class for difficult children.
* high school 1. expelled after 6 months.
* adolescent unit. it was co-ed and every student was a boarder. that was fun. we were allowed to do anything almost. kids were even allowed to smoke outside. i stayed for 3 years, but i was supposed to be there for only 1 year as it was a school for helping kids, through intensive therapy, to be released back into the main stream school system. my therapy did not work, and after 3 years it was time to move on they said.
* high school2. expelled after 6 months
* another adolescent unit. stayed for 6 months. another co-ed boarding school, but it was not as good as the first one.
*high school 3. expelled after 3 months.
*high school 4. expelled after 4 months.
*high school 5. expelled after 6 months.

i got my higher school certificate by correspondence.
i did not go on to tertiary education because i could not last long in structures where obedience and discipline were needed.

*job in library. i remember being ridiculed by kids. they played games with me that i was not aware of, but they laughed. sacked after 1 year because i was not fit for public interaction.

* job in education department calculating retrospective pay adjustments for teachers who were owed money. i liked that better, but i had to do the job with paper and pen and calculator and a printed calendar, and it was time consuming. i was fired because i used a computer at lunch time without authorization so i could program a system where i need only enter data, and it would print the results correctly on the form i had to write on manually. the computer i used was a payroll computer and it was a serious blunder.

* my father had a block of flats where a tenant was a successful computer systems analyst (who moved out of his nice house because he was divorcing his wife). he liked me because i was obsessed with programming everything i could think of, and i liked assembly languages and low level binary coding.
he suggested to a company he was doing a temporary job for, who was looking for a junior programmer, to give me a try.
it was only his influence that got me that job because he was well respected. the woman who interviewed me said if it was not for him, i never would have got the job.
in the first week i solved many old glitches they were putting up with, and i started to find bugs in the head programmers code (we were the only 2 programmers and i was his assistant). he was a bull headed person and refused to admit that he was wrong, and i went and showed the bosses that his code was erroneous in places, and they realized that much data they had sold was wrong. they fired him, and promoted me to be the only programmer for the company.
i worked there for 10 years, and my salary went from small to big rapidly.

*bought a house with the money i saved.
* the company folded and i started to work for myself using all the companies i had dealt with as leads for employment. many accepted me to work remotely for them.

*made some more money and invested in the stock market (it is like a computer game and i like computer games) and made some more and bought the house i am in now in the bushland.

i made no true friends along the way.
i never wanted them anyway.
people have been interested in me, but i do not want them to pay too much attention to me except when i talk. when i am not talking i like them to ignore me.

so now, at this point in my life today, i have done a days playing with my thoughts, and trying my ideas i set up on a computer i assembled recently, and i am being verbose, and i am about to go and feed the possums who have turned up. it is 9:30pm.

it is dark and totally quiet outside. there is no sound except crickets and frogs and the rustle of leaves. it is how i like it, and it is that way exactly every night.
i have a warm feeling of comfort and complacency in my "heart" (if that is where it is).
some people see this complacency i have (you have to see me in person to see it), and they want to hang around me to learn how i feel about things, so they can learn to be satisfied like i am (i am never elated or depressed). they can not be satisfied, because they "care" too much. i do not care much about things, so i am easier to "please" than they.
i like people to go after a few hours when they are at my place. they are too concerned about things, and i do not care.

anyway, this is far too long, and no one will read it because brevity is the soul of substance. i too scroll past long posts.

i can not let go of the microphone!! i must just say that i can not give advice to anyone, because no one is exactly the same as me.

ka thump!! (sound of microphone hitting floor after i have been seized and dragged off stage by security)

Honestly, I stopped caring about relationships years ago. They are simply far too much trouble for what they are worth.
I would much rather live out my life in solitude than have to go through months (or even years) worth of idiotic nonsense just for the sake of finding someone. And it seriously doesn't help that the vast majority of women in my area are not worth dealing with as far as dating prospects go.

Last edited by EnigmaticPhilosophy on 21 Mar 2009, 9:26 am, edited 1 time in total.

I hear that.
A significant other never has and never will be a requirement for my own survival.

""A significant other never has and never will be a requirement for my own survival""

Thats not a requirment for anyones survival - its just
something that sometimes makes life feel better
for a while. But it has little to do with real survival.

""well, when I felt life was not worth living, it was because I was living in a tent in the woods and it was raining and my tent leaked. I was cold and hungry because my food was running out far before the next time I could get food again. And the wind blew through the pines far above my head.""

^
This, is survival.

Exactly my point. One of the major problems with relationships is how ridiculously overrated they are - not everyone needs another person in order to feel complete.
Furthermore, there are plenty of other ways to make one's life feel better for a while that do not require a significant other.

You want us to talk about our "love lives"? If that's the case, then I am "dead" romantically, because I don't actually have a love life.