Older females.

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I hear that older women could possibly be good matches for aspie males. I'd like to hear why that is. In addition to whatever input people offer (please don't let it devolve into "Adult Forum" material), I'd like to see at least some people addressing the following particular specifics:

• How could a relationship work, if the woman is 15+ years older than the male and either can't or won't, have children - Is it assumed that the aspie male stay with the older female through life, even though she has a shorter amount of time left than he does - Doesn't the impending era of being alone bode poorly for the male?

• Are single females who are in their early fifties, likely to be open to shorter-term relationships with younger men, if the male tells her from the very beginning, that he wants to someday meet a woman who he can marry and have children with?

These concerns are probable for males who find themselves attracted to an older woman, when the interest conflicts with his long-term desires.

find a healthy divorced semi-prety 40-year old lady with grown up kids. bang her brains out! just use a condom or better yet get a vasectomy. you do not want a kid of your own.

Uh, thanks for the input, but opinions about my desire to have children are NOT what this thread is for.

I don't know what this fascination with older women is - other than to be taken care of, financially. Why not find a girl your own age?

From what I've seen, aspie men are very much Alpha males and they don't seem to do well with Alpha females. An older women, especially if she is the breadwinner, is automatically a huge threat.

And as far as aspie females dating younger men. Not a good match.

You are also assuming that there is this glut of older women with kids looking for younger guys. As if you're doing this great service to older women.

Unless a woman has self-esteem issues, why would she take on another "child" to add to her brood? It doesn't make sense. Most women in that position are going to look for a solid guy with kids of his own.

Unless you're Madonna, any woman in her 40's or 50's who takes on a kid to "groom" has serious issues of her own - and you should avoid her.

There isn't a reason not to find a female my own age. I want that, actually. Until I succeed in that, I'm looking at the feasibility of my next best option.

I don't know what "alpha-females" are. Alpha-male is a scientific term referring to the one male wolf in a pack who gets to mate with all of the females, while the other males get no one. That doesn't apply here at all.

Aside from that, I'll consider MneLePen's first post as just her take on the subject in general, since none of it applies to my two specific questions (or my particular situation). The older woman in my life has no kids that I know of, and I already know that she is interested in me.

Well - you didn't say you already have someone. You posed it as a hypothetical than shoot down the responses because they don't apply.

If you are already involved or interested in someone, than go for it. Your post made it sound as if you were intentionally "targeting" older women.

I posted two precise questions with hypothetical phrasing, but you didn't address them. You jumped to a conclusion that I was someone different from who I am or what I aluded to be, and then you berated me - I was trying to get the discussion back on topic before someone else could take the opportunity to jump into the proverbial dogpile. Posting in hypothetical prose is ultimately the only way I'm successful at all in transcribing my ideas, but I don't see how my two questions alluded to things about me or my intentions which aren't true. I hope the confusion of this thread has thus been cleared up.

And just to clarify; I don't already have anyone, yet. I'm trying to determine if I can achieve that, which is why I asked the two questions that I did.

I'm only 20 years old so I have a long way to go but nevertheless, I would prefer older girls over younger ones any day of the week. As an example, I find girls in their mid 20's to be much more appealing then girls in their teens and for obvious reasons. I think older girls (or women) are far better off then younger ones because they are more maturing and understanding. An immature teen who is say 16 years old would be a very bad match for someone with aspergers. I certainly wouldn't be able to put up with their immaturity and obliviousness to everything. A younger girl is not someone who would help out someone with aspergers. An older girl however could be a great benefit. She's most likely grown up and can be seen more like a mentor. Perhaps having a girlfriend as a mentor would not be ideal for a relationship but for someone with aspergers it just might be. I'd certain like a girl who would be mature enough to understand me. I find talking to older girls much easier then younger ones, that's for sure.

Unfortunately, I'm at the age where girls who are in their mid 20's wouldn't want right now. I probably couldn't get a girlfriend who is say, 25. It's stereotyped that the guys need to be older then the girls in relationships because girls mature faster and often want a guy who's more on their mature level and don't want ones that are less mature. They want a full grown man who's settled, not some young kid like me. I suppose I can understand that if I try to think in their point of view. I don't want girls that are immature either, though. Overall, I probably won't be able to get older girls until I'm in my 30's(by then, age doesn't mean as much). Still, once a guy is eligible to getting older women, it might not be a bad idea. I can't give much advice because I'm too young right now but getting a girl who is older then me I personally think would be a much better match for me then younger ones who are still immature and are still in "the partying and acting like an idiot" periods of life.

My friend from up north is older then me. It is always on my mind if we would get on as well if she was younger.

My friend from up north is older then me. It is always on my mind if we would get on as well if she was younger.

I think one reason aspies in their 20s go for older women is that because, psychologically, aspies tend to "skip" some years of "normal" development from about 18 to 27. That time period is where other people tend to enjoy fast hookups, partying all the time, etc. etc., and then "settle down" after that, whereas aspies tend to just go straight from being a teenager to being "settled down", since the overly social "roaming" part of life is overwhelming and doesn't serve much purpose to natural introverts anyway...

OK - this is one of those times I question my diagnosis. That doesn't describe my life in anyway - shape - or form. I wonder if its a gender thing. Seems as if most of the women on WP are like me - very independent.

I never wanted to settle down - it just never sounded that great. I was never, ever one of these little girls who dreamed of her wedding. I wasn't able to"feel" anything about a guy until I met my husband - when I was 32. Another aspie - who is 18 months older than I am.

Also - I have always been a very extroverted individual - in that, I am very social. Maybe its that I like doing things where people amass - concerts, museums, baseball games. I have been a "party girl" you guys so loathe. Still kind of am.

Good luck - everyone deserves to find love.

Last edited by MmeLePen on 23 Mar 2009, 7:41 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I believe it could work quite well. Assuming children are not an issue. An older woman has more patience for one thing, understanding and compassion, probably motherly tendencies that could be beneficial to an Aspie.

She would have confidence and be a good teacher for things in life like sex, travel, social settings etc. She probably has an income and wouldn't need to depend on you for money, in fact she might be willing to take care of you or support you in whatever you choose to do.

Since statistically women live longer than men, it's very possible she could outlive the male or it would be close.


It's very possible they would be willing to do this. I doubt most older women are looking for caretakers as much as companions. Someone to make them feel young and do things with.

Last edited by Butterflair on 23 Mar 2009, 10:39 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I know only one ultimate truth about relationships...

Love Is Where You Find It.

Where is this "where you find it" you speak of? I haven't found "it"... and in all likelihood, I probably never will...

Fnord must be referring to where evil clowns hang out...