Obsession with my last ex

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To make it short and sweet...this guy is NOT a good person. Physically abusive, emotionally abusive, very unstable, an addict and a thief....as well as a full-on stalker, both while we were still together (stalked and threatened friends of mine, and followed me when I'd go out without him), and after I left him. Guy was/is so freakin mad I actually had to move and not tell him where I was going. And to add more reasons why I shouldn't want anything to do with him, he's still stalking me to the best of his ability (online), and spreading all sorts of dreadful rumours about me.

So here's the problem - it seems I've become obsessed with HIM. Knowing where he is, what he's doing, who he's hanging out with....I was actively tracking him online for awhile before I had to start forcing myself not to. It's killing me not to be doing it anymore, just as it'd kill me to stop pursuing ANY of my fixations, but I know what I was doing isn't right, and certainly isn't helping ME in any way.

I'm not attracted to him in the slightest; that ended, honestly, shortly after we moved in together. I have no interest in being his friend, and if I were to see him someplace (which I have a few times), my first inclination would be to leave before he saw ME. So what the HELL? Why this mad fixation? And has anyone else ever experienced this regarding someone they have no feelings for besides hateful ones?

I've had similar feelings, though not about an ex partner. Obsessional thinking is common to relationships and common to AS people. I find it hard to live with, too. It's quite irrational, so don't try to make sense of it. You may have an insight one day out of the blue, but we need to focus on letting go. Generally I feel part of the obsession is with a desire to know and understand what the heck happened, but generally we can't figure it out from where we currently are. Time apart is needed. I'm currently having a lesser obsessional thing about someone who is doing me no good, as well, though different. (See recent thread.)

So, what are you going to spend the day on instead? I am sick, but if the sun comes out, I'll go outside for a change of space. That helps. And I will dream about future plans and what I can do towards them today. And I suppose I will get some work done, though I don't feel enthusiastic. I think I need a treat for me. What about you?

Sounds to me like an obsession born out of self-preservation: perhaps you feel you must know where he is and what he's up to at all times, so you won't come round a corner and be taken by surprise.

Roisin

I get angry when I hear (read) a story like that. You seem to have explained it all in the first sentence, if that is really the case, please, go back and read it again…Assuming this is what it’s all seems to be, you’ve got whole a lot of work ahead to clear this mess. Sorry to sound this way, just my first reaction, I could be completely wrong.

Martin