18 Apr 2009, 10:53 pm
so... the online-love-thing i had on and off (insert mass laughter) keeps crawling up from its tomb, to torment me.
i had decided not to be in love w people, cus it strains me. she convinced me to change that kind of thinking, and well, fast foreward a bit, and im back allone, and the only way i have to stop missing her, is to resent her for repeatedly f*****g me over, and being totally nonchalant about f*****g me over.
little gems such as TELLING me she wanted to screw this guy, as some sort of good news, while we were still "a couple", totally insane s**t.
she came on today, and i tried again to tell her how im not gonna just jump back at her, just because she's single again. for all i know, shes not even single, but just wants me along w her other guys. i just cant deal with it anymore.
i told her im up for some chitchat if she needs to, but she keeps sending me flirty and loving messages, and i _KNOW_ that if i give her as much as a single positive reply to those, she will forget everything, and f**k me right over again, cus it happened before.
some months ago, she did "get me back". i told her "allright" and the N E X T D A Y, everything was forgotten, and she was on about other guys, and i spotted off a internet poll thing she POSTED IN PUBLIC, some weeks later, that she's been doing some dude the same day she convinced me to "take her back" and probably the following days as well.
now
this girl gets banged up and f*****g down, and left to right.
she travels the f*****g globe to bang guys (she just wont travel where i live... )
WHY does she contact me?
WHAT does she need ME for?
the INSTANT i acknowledge her, she forgets me, drop me like a rock, and treats me like air.
is that ALL she needs? why cant she get that acknowledgement from someone else? i feel the resentment bubbling up whenever i see her shy little "hi... *muah*" messages, as if im gonna just jump right back at her, over some childish i-love-you crap.
i tried to explain all this to her today, she kept asking for a "when", and i had to put it like "the day you stop screwing around with everyone else" and added that a person is what a person is, and that im not keeping my hopes up for it. and neither should she. she kept giving me the impression that she WANTS to cheat and screw around, and wants me to be happy with such a half-assed relationship.. then my msn kept logging itself off, and ruined everything.
18 Apr 2009, 11:28 pm
18 Apr 2009, 11:35 pm
i JUST re-accepted her on facebook
like, 5 seconds ago...
and i felt that stinging sensation when i did it...
its easyer said that done to drop her, but i DID, i _blocked_ her off my msn, removed her from facebook, and deleted her phone number
i was even starting to cope with having erased her from my reality, but when she CALLED on my phone, i mistook the country number for spain, and thought my spanish family was calling me. i picked up, and she sobbed me into at least un-blocking her and stuff. she DOES remind me of what she CAN be, and that makes me miss her.
i just wish she would let it be. today wasnt the first time i explained it to her: she cant just "get me back" when TRUST IS SHATTERED, shes almost a stranger to me now, when it comes to emotional attachment. its all gone, except for a tiny little knot, thats of course aching and bothersome..
i miss what was good tho, and what i wanted it to become...
emotions vs common sense
and common sense says your right, block and ignore her. ah well, she will probably make me block her again, sooner or later...
sinsboldly
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Joined: 21 Nov 2006
Gender: Female
Posts: 13,488
Location: Bandon-by-the-Sea, Oregon
18 Apr 2009, 11:54 pm
19 Apr 2009, 12:04 am
19 Apr 2009, 12:08 am
19 Apr 2009, 12:34 am
sinsboldly
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Joined: 21 Nov 2006
Gender: Female
Posts: 13,488
Location: Bandon-by-the-Sea, Oregon
19 Apr 2009, 12:45 am
i just want her to stop telling me she loves me, cus it messes with my head. i want her to quit all the subtle cuddly messages, the kissy-smileys, the winks, all that crap, because its totally out of place. its as if she has completely forgotten that she JUST screwed me over.
...
She knows she is messing with your head and she knows how to mess with your head. This is what she does with people she likes and this is what she likes to do. If you were the one she was going to be different with and change for, to straighten up and fly right - you would already be having that relationship.
stick around WP. We like ya' for just being you.
Merle
19 Apr 2009, 12:53 am
i just want her to stop telling me she loves me, cus it messes with my head. i want her to quit all the subtle cuddly messages, the kissy-smileys, the winks, all that crap, because its totally out of place. its as if she has completely forgotten that she JUST screwed me over.
...
She knows she is messing with your head and she knows how to mess with your head. This is what she does with people she likes and this is what she likes to do. If you were the one she was going to be different with and change for, to straighten up and fly right - you would already be having that relationship.
stick around WP. We like ya' for just being you.
Merle
you are absolutely right. in the time she has insisted to love me, she would arrange travels and meetings w other guys. should say enough, but at the time she spoke herself out of it, again and again...
love makes blind!
and yes, im gonna stick around, you guys are total weirdos, and i couldnt feel more home anywhere else
sinsboldly
Veteran
Joined: 21 Nov 2006
Gender: Female
Posts: 13,488
Location: Bandon-by-the-Sea, Oregon
19 Apr 2009, 1:05 am
and yes, im gonna stick around, you guys are total weirdos, and i couldnt feel more home anywhere else
you betcha! and right back atcha!
Merle
19 Apr 2009, 1:13 am
19 Apr 2009, 1:26 am
i had decided not to be in love w people, cus it strains me. she convinced me to change that kind of thinking, and well, fast foreward a bit, and im back allone, and the only way i have to stop missing her, is to resent her for repeatedly f***ing me over, and being totally nonchalant about f***ing me over.
little gems such as TELLING me she wanted to screw this guy, as some sort of good news, while we were still "a couple", totally insane sh**.
she came on today, and i tried again to tell her how im not gonna just jump back at her, just because she's single again. for all i know, shes not even single, but just wants me along w her other guys. i just cant deal with it anymore.
i told her im up for some chitchat if she needs to, but she keeps sending me flirty and loving messages, and i _KNOW_ that if i give her as much as a single positive reply to those, she will forget everything, and f**k me right over again, cus it happened before.
some months ago, she did "get me back". i told her "allright" and the N E X T D A Y, everything was forgotten, and she was on about other guys, and i spotted off a internet poll thing she POSTED IN PUBLIC, some weeks later, that she's been doing some dude the same day she convinced me to "take her back" and probably the following days as well.
now
this girl gets banged up and f***ing down, and left to right.
she travels the f***ing globe to bang guys (she just wont travel where i live... )
WHY does she contact me?
WHAT does she need ME for?
the INSTANT i acknowledge her, she forgets me, drop me like a rock, and treats me like air.
is that ALL she needs? why cant she get that acknowledgement from someone else? i feel the resentment bubbling up whenever i see her shy little "hi... *muah*" messages, as if im gonna just jump right back at her, over some childish i-love-you crap.
i tried to explain all this to her today, she kept asking for a "when", and i had to put it like "the day you stop screwing around with everyone else" and added that a person is what a person is, and that im not keeping my hopes up for it. and neither should she. she kept giving me the impression that she WANTS to cheat and screw around, and wants me to be happy with such a half-assed relationship.. then my msn kept logging itself off, and ruined everything.
My advice would be this- cut her off completely! She has shown that she is highly unstable and extremely foolish to be fooling around with multiple guys. She has shown her immaturity, and although a person can change, it is unlikely unless something dramatic happens, they won't change readily.
As long as you allow her to be your friend, she'll probably try to control and manipulate you. If you ignore her and pretend she's not even there, if she's smart, she'll give up this vain pursuit. I would not suggest playing into her hand.
19 Apr 2009, 1:33 am
sinsboldly
Veteran
Joined: 21 Nov 2006
Gender: Female
Posts: 13,488
Location: Bandon-by-the-Sea, Oregon
19 Apr 2009, 1:40 am
19 Apr 2009, 1:52 am
19 Apr 2009, 2:09 am
